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Me vs. my wife's celeb crush.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My wife looks at photos of the woman she crushes on pretty much every day. (I’m also a woman, fwiw.) I would describe this as an open secret between us. That said, a lot of this looking takes place on our shared computer, where she doesn’t erase her search history and has saved dozens, if not hundreds, of photos of this woman. I’m happy with our relationship and it’s not like my wife is looking at photos of her exes or anything like that. I understand the celeb is an inaccessible fantasy and not a threat. But knowing that this fantasy is part of my wife’s everyday routine is tough. She knows that I know about this crush, but when I’ve tried to talk to her about my feelings about it she’s shied away. What should I do? When is a celebrity crush too much?

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Re: Me vs. my wife's celeb crush.

  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    More conversation. Even couples counseling could be an option
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Make your list of free passes! 

    Look, if Dave Matthews showed up at my front door in a towel DH knows how I feel. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    edited August 2021
    Yeah I think the issue here is that the wife won't even talk listen about it.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    I need to understand if the wife is just searching for this person's images and saving them, but like...not verbally obsessing about the celeb. I think the wife's lack of interest in discussing/hearing about it (and the singular focus) is a little odd, but if LW is coming from a place of insecurity and judgment, then I kind of get it.  LW is the one writing Prudie about this. 

    DH and I are so unbothered by this kind of stuff. We've had friends and family think we're straight up weird because we're so unafraid to express crushes/sexual interest in celebs directly to one another.   DH's IG is full of half-naked fitness (*wink, wink*) models.  DH teases me about having a 'boyfriend' that comes over while he's at work. I spent the entire Olympics telling DH which guys are hot AF to me. I told DH that I think DefConn's eye specialist is very good looking (I read his card aloud and said, "Oh he's a concussion specialist too! I know who you need to take me to if I hit my head." LOL). But our trust in each other is pretty much implicit and neither of us has had any reason to believe the other has been unfaithful, so... ::shrug:: 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    I need to understand if the wife is just searching for this person's images and saving them, but like...not verbally obsessing about the celeb. I think the wife's lack of interest in discussing/hearing about it (and the singular focus) is a little odd, but if LW is coming from a place of insecurity and judgment, then I kind of get it.  LW is the one writing Prudie about this. 

    DH and I are so unbothered by this kind of stuff. We've had friends and family think we're straight up weird because we're so unafraid to express crushes/sexual interest in celebs directly to one another.   DH's IG is full of half-naked fitness (*wink, wink*) models.  DH teases me about having a 'boyfriend' that comes over while he's at work. I spent the entire Olympics telling DH which guys are hot AF to me. I told DH that I think DefConn's eye specialist is very good looking (I read his card aloud and said, "Oh he's a concussion specialist too! I know who you need to take me to if I hit my head." LOL). But our trust in each other is pretty much implicit and neither of us has had any reason to believe the other has been unfaithful, so... ::shrug:: 
    Looking vs cheating are different

    Yeh the fact LW's spouse is just zero speech about it is just odd.

    M & I joke about certain dudes - Ashton Kutcher, Will Smith, etc.
    M also half-jokes about dudes {he's straight but comfortable enough to make comments} and "getting how they're good looking" {ex; the rock}
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    banana468 said:
    Make your list of free passes! 

    Look, if Dave Matthews showed up at my front door in a towel DH knows how I feel. 
    Idria Elba. 

    But yah that she won’t listen to how you feel is a bad sign. If it bothers you she should at least hear you out even if she doesn’t agree. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I think the big problem is, not that the LW's wife has a big crush on a celebrity, but how obsessive it is.  My H and I are similar to how @mrsconn23 described her relationship.  Neither of us are jealous.  We know each other's "type" and the celebrities we have crushes on.  But it would definitely bother and upset me if he had hundreds of photos of one celebrity and looked at them all the time.  That is too much, to answer the LW's question.

    Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there is much the LW can do about it.  It doesn't sound like it's a dealbreaker.  I'd normally suggest some counseling/therapy sessions to help the wife take this obsession down a few notches.  But, if she won't even let the LW talk about their feelings on it, then they are definitely not going to be open to counseling.

    The other Prudie celebrity obsession letter I remember is two men who both liked a teeny-bopper type pop star (the LW never said which one).  But the LW's SO went WAY beyond being a fan.  Stalked Ebay for her personal belongings/signed things.  Talked about her all the time. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Man, I have magazines of David Duchovny and Angelina Jolie saved, dozens of pictures of Ruby Rose and Cate Blanchett, let's not talk about the thirst traps on TikTok I follow, and I routinely call a list of hot Hollywood celebs my boyfriend/girlfriend.

    I think I need more info, b/c if wife is saving 10s of pictures/day, I can see it teetering into an obsession to be concerned with.  But if it's, "I've had a crush on Angelina Jolie since Firefox and have been collecting", like me...it's just a crush and nothing serious.
    �
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    VarunaTT said:
    Man, I have magazines of David Duchovny and Angelina Jolie saved, dozens of pictures of Ruby Rose and Cate Blanchett, let's not talk about the thirst traps on TikTok I follow, and I routinely call a list of hot Hollywood celebs my boyfriend/girlfriend.
    Bolded.
    Yes.
    100%!
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    Lol, last weekend FI, FSIL and FBIL and I were all sitting around talking about and comparing celebrity crushes. And as we were talking about which crushes and when we developed them I had the lightbulb moment of “how the hell did I not realize I was bi earlier in life? 90% of my high school celebrity crushes were women.” I mean, Carrie Ann Moss in the Matrix? Angelina Jolie? Come onnnn. Lol. 


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