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Wedding Woes

Where is Tuesday?

short+sassyshort+sassy member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
edited August 2021 in Wedding Woes
I'll start the ball rolling, haha.

I'm really upset, yet again, at my work.  Four people have had their catalytic converters stolen from their cars in the same employee parking lot I use.  Another person had it stolen from their car that was parked on the street by my office.  I'm not sure if all those cars happened yesterday, but at least one did.

As usual, a mass e-mail has not gone out to warn people.  I'm kind of freaking out about it.  What am I supposed to do?  I could take the bus for the rest of the week and hope it's a rash of this specific crime for only the next few days.  But then that involves my walking for 8 blocks between the bus stop and my work, which is largely through an area that isn't very busy, especially in the morning.  A few months back, multiple coworkers had been mugged in that same parking lot over about a 2-week span.

My work even has a security guard!!!  They stepped things up after the muggings.  But now the security guards are back to hanging out in the parking lot that is under the building, instead of the guard shack that's located in the problematic parking lot and is where dozens of employees park.  With their faces glued to their personal cell phones all day.  If they were looking, they could see non-employee(s) entering that parking lot and could at least walk across the street for that to have more of a "presence".  It's all really frustrating and there isn't a good answer.  I could try and find a different job (always easier said than done) but, unless it's WFH, it could be a situation that is just as bad if not worse.
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Re: Where is Tuesday?

  • I was just getting ready to post!  Y'all late!!  

    :smiley:

    So, my plan to put out the complete dumpster fire at my work was accepted.  5 senior paralegals have been completely pulled out of their work for 2 days to review 350 cases from previous paralegals who were just complete disasters, so that the new paralegals we have can actually move their cases forward.  The attorneys are all over the moon and I can feel the stress level already decreased here.  It sucks, b/c I'm one of the 5 doing it and that's all I'm doing for 2 days, but hey...hopefully it's worth it.

    Long term fling is probably at an end.  Basically, I'm not willing to do any little emotional labor for anyone but myself right now and certainly not for something that was supposed to be fun and light.  I'm not messaging him, but we should be seeing each other September 10 still.  I'm still looking forward to the event and my new outfit more than anything now.  

    Oh and apparently this job knows about my 2nd job now (technically we're not supposed to have one, but it's b/c of conflict of interest, which doesn't exist in this case).  They think I'm burning the candle at both ends and are worried about me. I was like...THIS PLACE is causing me stress, the other job is easy AF.  Lort.
  • Mildly annoyed with my mum.
    So Saturday M is going to the football game with SFIL {pending - they may end up watching at home} and my mum was suppose to watch BK so I could have an evening solo {rarity now obv} But her bf's family is coming to town and she basically fucking bailed.
    She was trying to make up for it, but I'm just so annoyed because we made these plans weeks ago! M asked MIL and she's up for it, but I'm just annoyed still. I did voice my annoyance that we're basically canceling plans we made weeks ago because her bf's family does shit last fucking minute.

    Whatever. BK is going to MIL, and M may end up being there to watch football.
    It's mixed because they aren't requiring to show vax docs until the next in person game. We're all double vaxxed so it's hard to say what'll happen.
  • It is SUNNY outside! 

    Work is plugging ahead and I'm hoping for a night of outside eating while we can.  School starts next week and that has a way of making for short nights that's harder on the kids if we stay out too late.    
  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
  • mrsconn23 said:
    SSDD here, but I did complete this last night!! 🙌🏻😍 Baby is over 2 mos old, but it’s done. We see them next weekend. I can’t wait to meet him. I am going to stitch his name and birthdate. I’m so pleased with how it turned out and how darn cute it is. 
    Love it! I just bought fabric to make my nephew a Halloween romper, and tiny candy corn buttons for it:

    https://www.fabric.com/buy/0760053/riley-blake-tiny-treaters-main-charcoal
  • @mrsconn23 That. Is. Adorbs.
    @short+sassy super annoying that they’re making you even THINK of alternative ways to get to work.  Light a fire up those security guards butts to pay attention! 
    @MissKittyDanger, odd becuase I know you were very close to her. I will say, I was told to make a will for mysef and while I want to leave everything to my neices and nephews I was also thinking of leaving it to their parents to dispurse.  Maybe that’s what she thought she was doing? 

    SSDD here. 2nd vivace treatment tonight. Woohoo.  Last night I watched another episode of American Horror Stories and started a new docu-series on Discovery + called Relentless.  I think it’s also on amazon prime.  It takes place in Hannibal MO, and Peoria IL, towns kinda close to me and nothing I knew about. I have no idea how this film maker got 6 episodes in, seems like a short story to tell, but she did.  It’s kinda captivating. 

  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
    It’s pretty standard for people to leave their estate to their children, not grandkids.  I wouldn’t think it’s anything personal. 
  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
    It’s pretty standard for people to leave their estate to their children, not grandkids.  I wouldn’t think it’s anything personal. 
    This.  I've gotten very small amounts of money a couple times (one from great grandpa when I was a kid and it was put in a mutual fund; and then one from my grandma), but that's very much the exception. 
  • Busy as heck over here. 

    Still waiting to hear back about round two of the job for DH. 

    Can we talk about plants? What’s a good indoor beginner plant? I’ve never had one and TikTok is making want a mini forest. 

    Madison is currently in a sleep regression - it’s been about a week and I’m so tired 😴 
  • @VarunaTT, sorry your longterm fling has become a little "too much".  Sounds like the next couple days at work will be a grind, but easier and better in the long run, so at least there is that!

    @MissKittyDanger, I hope you can get a whole night off to yourself!  

    @mrsconn23, that quilt looks great!  It's beautiful!  @STARMOON44, that fabric is so cute!  I love the idea of candy corn buttons.  Candy corn-inspired holiday stuff has always been one of my fave Halloween symbols.
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  • @CharmedPam my aunt isn't the kind of person who would go against the will. She sold the condo for what my nana wanted so idk?
    I mean it's possible loose ends are being tied up still and there may be no money to be given out yet
  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
    Yeah, most of the time if the grandchildren are included it has been a small amount of money left for a specific purpose, or like a ring or something. But many people don't feel like expending the effort to break down their wills like that, and generally the beneficiaries are the children.
  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
    Obv, I don't know your family.  But that seems like a pretty normal thing for one generation to leave their assets to only the next generation behind them.  With the idea being that generation can then give their children what they wish to and/or they will then pass it down to the next.  Or sometimes it's the opposite.  They'll skip the next generation entirely and leave everything to their grandkids.

    Was this your maternal or paternal grandmother?  If it's your maternal grandmother, wouldn't your mom know about the contents of the will?  If it's your paternal grandmother (I remember your dad is passed away), it would seem a little weird that his "share" wouldn't have been passed down to you, but maybe that isn't how your grandmother wanted to do it.

    FWIW, when my paternal grandfather (PGF) passed away, my father was already passed.  PGF left his estate in "quarters".  My father's other three siblings each got a quarter and then my sister and I got half of my dad's "quarter".  Or, at least that is what would have happened if PGF had any assets.  But he didn't, so we didn't get anything.  However, as his heirs, we each received a letter from the attorney's office that handled his estate.   
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  • Is it weird to wonder about inheritance even though you know you're not entitled to one?

    I know it's super weird but it's just after my nana's place got sold, it seems semi odd her will wouldn't suggest any money to my cousin and I.
    Again, I know I'm not entitled to it but based on my nana's personality I would have thought something would be in her will.
    It's definitely not something I'd ask my aunt, but part of me is curious.
    It’s pretty standard for people to leave their estate to their children, not grandkids.  I wouldn’t think it’s anything personal. 
    This.

    DH's family is in the thick of this right now with many not aware of the stipulations of the will.    Unless there are seriously changing circumstances that deviate from the norm (like estrangement) then a lot of elderly specifically do not leave their assets to their grandchildren.   They leave to their next of kin and it's up to those to distribute to their own kids. 

    I know that when MIL and FIL pass any assets go to DH and BIL and not our kids.   It's the most fair way to distribute what may remain. 


  • @mrsconn23 That is adorable!  What a fantastic job you did!

    @NBSquared2017 I find my orchids, aloe vera, and christmas cactus are really low maintenance and very pretty.  But I also love my marimo balls - I have them in a glass vase with marbles so it looks like an aquarium, and I just change the water every two weeks.  I even put a floating candle in the tank one night for ambiance.  

  • I had a nice long weekend - we painted our bathroom, I am almost finished with my patio painting project, and we went for a day trip to this really cool place out Hamilton way.  The dog is now exhausted, which is nice.  I am betting by tonight she is back to her usual hyper self.

  • Small victory for the day. I have a guy at work who was supposed to take over some work that I used to do forever ago. I spent way too much time training him and he's still acting helpless and making unreasonable demands for time. I flat out told him no today. It felt amazing! 

    Nothing much else going on. I've got to buy a new ceiling fan for the bedroom so I'm going to home depot after work and will probably take the dog. I can count that as her an activity for her, right? 

    @MissKittyDanger, I used to write simple wills for people. Typically people didn't skip the parents and go right to the grandkid unless the parents couldn't be trusted (or were dead) or if they had some reason to set up a trust. Unless grandma said something or you have some reason to think aunt is being dishonest, leave it alone. 
  • I don’t think it’s weird @MissKittyDanger and I wouldn’t expect anything. 

    My maternal grandmother passed and left everything for her four daughters (my mom was executor and second oldest). The grandchildren were allowed to pick out things from the house we wanted. I have her rocking chair, a tea set, & a step stool that reminds me of her. 

    When my paternal grandparents passed all the money, assets, house were sold and divided between my dad and his siblings. My grandparents left jewelry to me and my cousins/sister. 
  • banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    My situation is a little different re: wills.  Since my grandparents raised me, they've put me in place of bio mom.  Since my uncle passed, there is now only me and my not-so-favorite aunt T (my other aunt is P and she is only my grandmother's biological child).  Apparently, there was some "family meeting" where "we know Varuna is replacing her bio mom in your will" was discussed and then brought up to my grandparents.  All I know is some major crap went down and T was basically told to STFU and Ho Sit Down by both grandparents.

    T isn't even in the know, which is if my grandmother goes after my grandfather (which is far more likely for lots of reasons), T gets nothing, I'm grandmother's only heir.  There are some annuities that are transferrable on her death to T and T's children, but all other assets (of which there are quite a lot) are mine, with some going to P as well.  T is going to make a stink, I'm positive.
    Yeah - your situation sounds like one of the unique ones.

    But regarding grandkids being able to pick over - that's also IMO a concern unless there's a way to make it equitable.  

    If there are 6 kids each kid has had two kids and there are 12 keepsakes that can be taken then that can be fair.  But in just our own situation we have two and BIL and SIL have 3.  Should BIL get more stuff because he has 3 kids?    Or what if DH and I never had kids at all? 

    What can work is if you're on a good relationship with your own parent to say, "Hey if you have a say in anything, I always loved that quilt at Nana's.  If it's left to you and you'd consider leaving it to me that would have huge meaning." 


    This is how it worked for us. I basically told my Mom what I would have wanted and she worked it out with her sisters. Luckily they were on good terms with each other, at least in this aspect. The rest was a cluster. 
  • banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    My situation is a little different re: wills.  Since my grandparents raised me, they've put me in place of bio mom.  Since my uncle passed, there is now only me and my not-so-favorite aunt T (my other aunt is P and she is only my grandmother's biological child).  Apparently, there was some "family meeting" where "we know Varuna is replacing her bio mom in your will" was discussed and then brought up to my grandparents.  All I know is some major crap went down and T was basically told to STFU and Ho Sit Down by both grandparents.

    T isn't even in the know, which is if my grandmother goes after my grandfather (which is far more likely for lots of reasons), T gets nothing, I'm grandmother's only heir.  There are some annuities that are transferrable on her death to T and T's children, but all other assets (of which there are quite a lot) are mine, with some going to P as well.  T is going to make a stink, I'm positive.
    Yeah - your situation sounds like one of the unique ones.

    But regarding grandkids being able to pick over - that's also IMO a concern unless there's a way to make it equitable.  

    If there are 6 kids each kid has had two kids and there are 12 keepsakes that can be taken then that can be fair.  But in just our own situation we have two and BIL and SIL have 3.  Should BIL get more stuff because he has 3 kids?    Or what if DH and I never had kids at all? 

    What can work is if you're on a good relationship with your own parent to say, "Hey if you have a say in anything, I always loved that quilt at Nana's.  If it's left to you and you'd consider leaving it to me that would have huge meaning." 


    This is how it worked for us. I basically told my Mom what I would have wanted and she worked it out with her sisters. Luckily they were on good terms with each other, at least in this aspect. The rest was a cluster. 
    DH's grandfather just passed this summer (his grandmother passed about 5 years ago) and it is a cluster right now. Mostly that there's one sibling who is a sentimental hoarder and so likes to put her emotional "claim" in on everything, even some things she can't actually use but others could. Or just "possession is 9/10ths" and taking small things from the house that were actually left to others.
  • banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    My situation is a little different re: wills.  Since my grandparents raised me, they've put me in place of bio mom.  Since my uncle passed, there is now only me and my not-so-favorite aunt T (my other aunt is P and she is only my grandmother's biological child).  Apparently, there was some "family meeting" where "we know Varuna is replacing her bio mom in your will" was discussed and then brought up to my grandparents.  All I know is some major crap went down and T was basically told to STFU and Ho Sit Down by both grandparents.

    T isn't even in the know, which is if my grandmother goes after my grandfather (which is far more likely for lots of reasons), T gets nothing, I'm grandmother's only heir.  There are some annuities that are transferrable on her death to T and T's children, but all other assets (of which there are quite a lot) are mine, with some going to P as well.  T is going to make a stink, I'm positive.
    Yeah - your situation sounds like one of the unique ones.

    But regarding grandkids being able to pick over - that's also IMO a concern unless there's a way to make it equitable.  

    If there are 6 kids each kid has had two kids and there are 12 keepsakes that can be taken then that can be fair.  But in just our own situation we have two and BIL and SIL have 3.  Should BIL get more stuff because he has 3 kids?    Or what if DH and I never had kids at all? 

    What can work is if you're on a good relationship with your own parent to say, "Hey if you have a say in anything, I always loved that quilt at Nana's.  If it's left to you and you'd consider leaving it to me that would have huge meaning." 


    This is how it worked for us. I basically told my Mom what I would have wanted and she worked it out with her sisters. Luckily they were on good terms with each other, at least in this aspect. The rest was a cluster. 
    DH's grandfather just passed this summer (his grandmother passed about 5 years ago) and it is a cluster right now. Mostly that there's one sibling who is a sentimental hoarder and so likes to put her emotional "claim" in on everything, even some things she can't actually use but others could. Or just "possession is 9/10ths" and taking small things from the house that were actually left to others.
    This is also often why wills are written far before a family member passes when they're of sound mind and they can articulate how they anticipate assets to be distributed.

    There's some similar stuff happening at the moment and it's unpleasant all around.  

    IMO bottom line: If you aren't the executor of the will you need to be very quiet about any alleged claim unless the deceased stated such a thing to you in sound mind far in advance of their passing.  "Sound mind" is key here and isn't just a lucid moment in an otherwise foggy end of life state. 
  • Some of these posts remind me of a Frasier episode.  I forget what prompted it, but Frasier didn't want his family to fight over his possessions if he passed before them.

    So he had a serious talk with them.  And told them about his idea.  He gave both his father and his brother a set of Post It notes and ask them to put a Post It with their name on it, on anything they wanted him to leave to them.

    The father thought it was creepy and refused to do it.  But Niles went to town!  Before Frasier was even done explaining, Niles was writing his name on Post Its and putting them on things.

    What was fun and clever about this episode is that this happened at the beginning of it, but the main episode was about something else.  However, throughout the episode at random times, Frasier would pick something up to use it and find a Niles post-it.  I think Niles had even gone into the fridge and put his post-its on nice cheeses and caviar.

    In the very last scene, Frasier had finally had enough.  Admitted it was a bad idea and told Niles to stop it.  Grabs a bottle of wine to open it and calm his nerves...and there is a Niles post-it on the bottom of the wine, lol.  
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  • Answering a few q's

    - paternal grandmother
    - will was changed after my dad passed to remove him
    - I definitely would not take it personally, I've already noted some items I wanted back

    I've never been in a position where there could even be an inheritance possibility - in our family it was always stuff as inheritance.
  • I have a feeling based on family discussions, that my grandparents will leave me something. Because they were distraught at my brother’s situation and putting me in a place of risk dispersing funds to him and that convo came up a few years ago. I don’t know what’s happening now. All I know is I’m not expecting anything nor am I entitled to it. I believe other assets have been divided up already for their children (mom, aunt and uncle) and everyone is hopefully on the same page. My grandma historically was super thorough and very astute on things like wills, trusts, investments, etc, so I’m sure whatever is happening, it’s been thoroughly reviewed by a lawyer. I’m always apprehensive with things like that because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that death in the family can bring out the worst in people. 


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  • levioosa said:
    I have a feeling based on family discussions, that my grandparents will leave me something. Because they were distraught at my brother’s situation and putting me in a place of risk dispersing funds to him and that convo came up a few years ago. I don’t know what’s happening now. All I know is I’m not expecting anything nor am I entitled to it. I believe other assets have been divided up already for their children (mom, aunt and uncle) and everyone is hopefully on the same page. My grandma historically was super thorough and very astute on things like wills, trusts, investments, etc, so I’m sure whatever is happening, it’s been thoroughly reviewed by a lawyer. I’m always apprehensive with things like that because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that death in the family can bring out the worst in people. 
    THIS
    YES

    My grampa passed suddenly. 2 of my mum's brothers faught of a stupid car.
    They would have gotten over it but their spouse's butted in and made it worse.

    My grampa passed in 2004 and I think the next time I saw them in the same room was 2014? It was a friggen mess
  • Answering a few q's

    - paternal grandmother
    - will was changed after my dad passed to remove him
    - I definitely would not take it personally, I've already noted some items I wanted back

    I've never been in a position where there could even be an inheritance possibility - in our family it was always stuff as inheritance.
    That's often the case especially if the deceased lived to an older age and needed long term care.  

    Long term care in the US is $ and often wipes out savings due to its cost.  
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