Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?

cmoran686 · May 2011

My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?

laurenclaire1386 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:d425d51e-b42c-4c7c-b74a-01aca0449d39">Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?
Posted by cmoran686[/QUOTE]
Lying to people isn't a good idea, pretty much ever. If you're not sure what people would think when they found out that your ceremony and reception are a dog and pony show because you're already married, then you probably shouldn't do it. If you need to get married rightthissecond for some reason, then do it, but be honest about it. And be honest about what the ceremony and reception a year from now will be, which is a vow renewal, not a wedding.

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

Lying about anything in general is a bad idea. You're thinking about lying to people for one year? Do you seriously think no one is going to spill the beans by then? You're going to look like a major gift grabber or an AW if you don't say anything, poeple find out (which they will) and decide to have a PPD ceremony and reception.

Bad, bad idea.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:d425d51e-b42c-4c7c-b74a-01aca0449d39">Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?
Posted by cmoran686[/QUOTE]

Lying is wrong. Really wrong. You are betraying the most important people in your life. People will find out, one way or another (it is public record, the secret gets out, or family will know when you don't sign a marriage license at the blessing ceremony). Just tell people & then have a blessing/ vow renewal whenever you want. Do not lie, you may forever damage/destroy relationships if you don't tell the truth.

Arayx2 · May 2011

I asked the same question on my very first TK post. Here is a copy of the thread;

Overall though - do a JOP and move on or wait!!

http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/SearchByPoster.aspx?MembershipID=5397147848654571&username=Arayx2

aegrish · May 2011

Don't like. Call it what it is, a Vow Renewal. What kind of officiant would fake a legal wedding for you anyways? I don't know who's shadier, a bride that sets up a fake wedding ceremony or an officiant. Your close family and friends shouldn't care if it's a Vow Renewal if you are honest with them. They may not take it as seriously as a wedding and you are not likely to get as many gifts (and you shouldn't register IMO), but I bet they will at least be there for to Vow Renewal if you are honest.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2011

Arayx, your link takes you to your listing of posts, not the one you're trying for.

OP - there are of few ladies on here who've have friends or family members do exactly what you are planning and it did not go well in any instance. And by "not go well" I mean that family members were absolutely furious with them and never forgave them for this lie and friends actually ended friendships over it. You may not see it as a big deal but everyone else does.

I have no idea what "personal reason" is so compelling that you would JOP it, lie about not being married for a year and then fake a wedding (how exactly are you planning on getting an officiant to fake a ceremony??? They have to sign a wedding license you know).

If you are insisting on the JOP now, then have a vow renewal later. For God's sake though, listen to everyone who is telling you that your plan is a horrible idea that will do nothing but cause pain.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

There's a huge thread over on E about this same deception. Read it.

ETA Here ya' go.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl

Arayx2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:06378896-b5c6-4ff8-a7ea-e6e7d0cd5def">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Arayx, your link takes you to your listing of posts, not the one you're trying for</strong>. OP - there are of few ladies on here who've have friends or family members do exactly what you are planning and it did not go well in any instance. And by "not go well" I mean that family members were absolutely furious with them and never forgave them for this lie and friends actually ended friendships over it. You may not see it as a big deal but everyone else does. I have no idea what "personal reason" is so compelling that you would JOP it, lie about not being married for a year and then fake a wedding (how exactly are you planning on getting an officiant to fake a ceremony??? They have to sign a wedding license you know). If you are insisting on the JOP now, then have a vow renewal later. For God's sake though, listen to everyone who is telling you that your plan is a horrible idea that will do nothing but cause pain.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

* Ooops - Sorry ladies! The overall feedback was that if we do a JOP then we should forget about the "regular" wedding stuff. Good advice, after I thought about it, I really wanted to have my wedding day be special and so we are waiting until after baby #2 is born.

kgettingmarried · May 2011

We aren't but we are considering it due to FI adopting DS, we need to be married soon!

futurepivko · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:28dbc52c-980d-45e5-803a-60030216f3c7">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't like. Call it what it is, a Vow Renewal. What kind of officiant would fake a legal wedding for you anyways? I don't know who's shadier, a bride that sets up a fake wedding ceremony or an officiant. Your close family and friends shouldn't care if it's a Vow Renewal if you are honest with them. They may not take it as seriously as a wedding and you are not likely to get as many gifts (and you shouldn't register IMO), but I bet they will at least be there for to Vow Renewal if you are honest.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

very very well put

confettiegg2000 · May 2011

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I had a friend do this. Her FI had proposed, and then joined the Navy, so they decided to get legally married before he left for Basic. She told me and my FI and a few other close friends, but no one else - not even her parents know. Her "wedding" is taking place in about a month, and she's doing it all - white dress, bridal shower, bachelorette party, church ceremony (she's actually quite religious), big reception, etc. No one has spilled the beans to the families, and I'm not sure if they're planning on letting them know at the ceremony that they've actually been legally married this whole time or just keeping it a secret forever.

I don't think it's a good idea, but it's possible to do. I wouldn't be able to do it with my family - I would hate that distance between us.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:d425d51e-b42c-4c7c-b74a-01aca0449d39">Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?
Posted by cmoran686[/QUOTE]

<div>What are you "personal reasons?" I have yet to ever hear a reason for NEEDING to do a JOP and keep it a secret. Not one. So I can pretty much guarantee that whatever your reasons are, they aren't worth lying to everyone you love for over a year or more. And trust me, they will find out. </div><div>
</div><div>I seriously just don't understand why anyone would want to start their marriage out as a lie. And I will never believe that anyone has any family values if they see no problem in lying to them.</div>

zitiqueen · May 2011

Just make sure to return all the gifts people give to you after your fake wedding. Explain in the note that since you were married a year beforehand, you don't feel right in accepting a gift they bought for a pretend pretty princess day.

slwager · May 2011

agree w/ pp

what you can do is simply host a party. something along the lines of "we didn't get to share our special day with those we love so we would love to honor the people who mean a lot to us by inviting them to a celebration"

you can have a party. but no ceremony. please

Mandalynn9112 · May 2011

My FI keeps telling me we should just go to the JOP to marry and have a reception later. I keep telling him I want a ceremony for everyone to attend and I've already bought my dress, no way I'm wearing my white FORMAL wedding dress to the court house. Not only that but I want my out of state family and friends to be present (as well as our kids) and witness what will be the best day of my life.

I can understand your friends reasons why they did it the way they did. Anything can happen to someone when they are in the military and they probably wanted her to be on his insurances in case (God forbid) something did happen.

However, I think that while it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want, I feel that its kind of redundent to do this unless said "legal marriage" was at least a year prior to the second ceremony. Then it could be a re-newing of your vows. Otherwise I say just make it one day, save the headache, there's no reason to be married before your actual ceremony and reception.

trix1223 · May 2011

Get married on May 28. And then in a year have a rockin' first anniversary party. Because that's what it will be. The one year celebration of when you were married.

You get one wedding, whether you put the words "legally married" in quotes or not.

And, frankly, I'm stunned that yo find it appropriate to live a big whopping lie for a year, and to treat your family so poorly.

Bubbalub · May 2011

Lying is NEVER ok, especially about something as important as getting married. I will never understand why so many people think this kind of idea is appropriate, ever.

If you get married now, TELL people you are married and celebrate your anniversary with a vow renewal next year. DO NOT LIE.

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:d425d51e-b42c-4c7c-b74a-01aca0449d39">Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?
Posted by cmoran686[/QUOTE]

This is wrong in so many ways. I personally think its despicable that both of you are willing to lie to the most important people in your life for an entire year. Like PP's have said, there is NO reason to lie about your wedding.

Here is my question though: who is paying for the 2nd wedding? Please don't tell me it's your parents because that is downright wrong if you are going to lie to them and then accept THEIR money to pay for your 2nd wedding.

You came here asking for our advice and majority rules that this is a bad idea in soooo many ways. I just want you to be prepared for all of the problems this could cause later down the road and honestly, do you really want that additional heartache and pain? Do you reaaaalllllyyy want to cause your parents, his parents, family and friends heartache and pain over this? I think not.

Don't do it.

Meg1979 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:d425d51e-b42c-4c7c-b74a-01aca0449d39">Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are legally getting married May 28, 2011...but doing that for personal reasons. We are waiting to have the church ceremony & reception for at least another year. I'm not sure what our friends/family would think of us legally getting married, so only a very few people will know. Has anyone else done this?
Posted by cmoran686[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure if someone did this to me, I would be furious. OOT people have to travel, there's attire to think of and presents. You could have a vow renewal, but on a much smaller scale than you are probably thinking of. I'm not a fan of vow renewals.

nomadgrll · May 2011

My FI & I are signing the marriage paperwork about 4-6 weeks before the ceremony. This is mostly due to his work schedule and the paperwork that has to be submitted to his employer within 30 days of us being married (medical insurance) He is gone for 4-6 weeks at a time and he will be outside of the 30 days by the time we get the marriage certificate and he goes back to work.

My MOH and her hubby signed the paperwork a month before her ceremony too.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:56df2095-a35e-4a1e-aecd-2e1739659a9c">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI & I are signing the marriage paperwork about 4-6 weeks before the ceremony. This is mostly due to his work schedule and the paperwork that has to be submitted to his employer within 30 days of us being married (medical insurance) He is gone for 4-6 weeks at a time and he will be outside of the 30 days by the time we get the marriage certificate and he goes back to work. My MOH and her hubby signed the paperwork a month before her ceremony too.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not "signing the marriage paperwork," it's getting married. </div><div>
</div><div>If your MOH jumped off a bridge....</div>

baystateapple · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:e9884e73-d7c9-41bc-9bf0-e3bd77419ccc">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm in the minority here, but I had a friend do this. Her FI had proposed, and then joined the Navy, so they decided to get legally married before he left for Basic. She told me and my FI and a few other close friends, but no one else - not even her parents know. Her "wedding" is taking place in about a month, and she's doing it all - white dress, bridal shower, bachelorette party, church ceremony (she's actually quite religious), big reception, etc. No one has spilled the beans to the families, and I'm not sure if they're planning on letting them know at the ceremony that they've actually been legally married this whole time or just keeping it a secret forever. I don't think it's a good idea, but it's possible to do. I wouldn't be able to do it with my family - I would hate that distance between us.
Posted by confettiegg2000[/QUOTE]

I knew someone who did this.

Then she lied to her parents for a year so they would pay for her big white dress wedding. They spent thousands and thousands of dollars on it. And all this after her father SPECIFICALLY told her that if she did anything "cute" like eloping, he wouldn't be paying for her wedding.

Disgusting, and I haven't been able to look at her the same way since. She lied to and cheated her parents, plain and simple.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:56df2095-a35e-4a1e-aecd-2e1739659a9c">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI & I are signing the marriage paperwork about 4-6 weeks before the ceremony. This is mostly due to his work schedule and the paperwork that has to be submitted to his employer within 30 days of us being married (medical insurance) He is gone for 4-6 weeks at a time and he will be outside of the 30 days by the time we get the marriage certificate and he goes back to work. My MOH and her hubby signed the paperwork a month before her ceremony too.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

<strong><u>You say vows too</u></strong>. It is not "just" paperwork. It is a legal binding ceremony too. You might need witnesses. You are getting married at the courthouse. Please don't demean JOP ceremonies by saying it is "just" paperwork. That is insulting.

But as long as everyone knows... whatever.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:c73029d2-53f1-455e-9f5e-a795a0e296c4">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : You say vows too . It is not "just" paperwork. It is a legal binding ceremony too. You might need witnesses. You are getting married at the courthouse. Please don't demean JOP ceremonies by saying it is "just" paperwork. That is insulting. But as long as everyone knows... whatever.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri" size="3" color="#000000">Actually, no we are not saying vows nor are we going to JOP (When did I state I was going to JOP?). We are signing the marriage license (which IS legal paperwork, you don’t keep it-the pastor sends it to the state who in turns sends you a legal license) with the pastor and 2 witnesses. At the ceremony we will say our vows and I might add our family knows we are doing this and are fine with it because they know the reason behind it. </font></p>

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:754d8363-e8b1-48d7-8874-5c91943bd7d0">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Actually, no we are not saying vows nor are we going to JOP (When did I state I was going to JOP?). We are signing the marriage license (which IS legal paperwork, you don’t keep it-the pastor sends it to the state who in turns sends you a legal license) with the pastor and 2 witnesses. At the ceremony we will say our vows and I might add our family knows we are doing this and are fine with it because they know the reason behind it.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

That is illegal BTW.

Edit: Be careful & check into the law, as this might make your marriage void or voidable. If you get a divorce, this might come up & you might lose.

Anysunrise · May 2011

We're doing it. I moved here from Canada though, and after the cost of immigration, the unpredictability of when I was actually going to be able to move here (to give you an idea, the timeline USCIS gave suggested I'd be in to the US by September of last year, but I didn't get in until February of this one), and that we had to be married within 90 days of my entering the country, we said eff it because neither of us wanted to deal with trying to get everyone here and it all planned with no money and only 3 months. So we had a quick JOP with our parents and are planning a party for next year.

However: We told everyone a looong time ago. No one really cares that we're doing it this way, but I'm pretty sure if we hadn't told them and they found out after, they definitely would. It's really not worth lying about.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:660609eb-a6ab-43c3-9106-644615061536">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : That is illegal BTW. Edit: Be careful & check into the law, as this might make your marriage void or voidable. If you get a divorce, this might come up & you might lose.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

How is it illegal?

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:e73072ea-d614-446d-8579-a74751c84c8a">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : How is it illegal?
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

A valid marriage requires two things: the marriage license & vows. The license is signed AFTER the vows. Because for a marriage to be legal you have to say vows. If you don't & just sign the papers, then you have not properly gotten married & it might be voidable. You need to talk to a lawyer in your state before you do what you are thinking.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:b0b36c87-a24f-44ac-bae0-f03838f0eb74">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : A valid marriage requires two things: the marriage license & vows. The license is signed AFTER the vows. Because for a marriage to be legal you have to say vows. If you don't & just sign the papers, then you have not properly gotten married & it might be voidable. You need to talk to a lawyer in your state before you do what you are thinking.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<font face="Calibri" size="3" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;">Actually, there are 3 things in my state that are required to be become legally married:</span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"><span>1.<span style="font:7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;line-height:115%;">Someone who legally able to sign the marriage license/perform the ceremony per the state laws.</span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"></span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"><span>2.<span style="font:7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;line-height:115%;">2 witnesses</span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"></span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"><span>3.<span style="font:7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;line-height:115%;">A marriage license </span><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;"></span><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:115%;">Nowhere does it state that vows are required to become married. </span></p></font>

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:07929fba-eeae-413d-910c-d7f8199cbff0">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Actually, there are 3 things in my state that are required to be become legally married: 1. Someone who legally able to sign the marriage license/<strong>perform the ceremony</strong> <strong>per the state laws</strong>. 2. 2 witnesses 3. A marriage license Nowhere does it state that vows are required to become married.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

solemnization/ceremony/vows same thing.

You have to have a solemnization/ceremony/vows before you sign the license. Since you are doing it after, that might not make your marriage valid. Please talk to a lawyer.

Edit: What State?

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