Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend Tom and I are both bisexual, and I am also nonbinary. We’re both out to our respective families, and it’s been a mixed bag for both of us. My parents don’t use my pronouns, but I can correct them at least. Tom’s family seems to have more of a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, although his dad once told him he couldn’t accept it if Tom ever came home with a man.
We’re flying out for our college commencement ceremony in just a couple weeks, and both our families will be attending (his family actually lives an hour away from our school). I’m not out to his parents, and not confident coming out will be anything but difficult, based on their past comments on gender and sexuality (not really hateful but definitely not accepting). I’ve been fine remaining closeted since we rarely see them, and they really are lovely people, but commencement has brought up this issue that I had hoped to put off for a while longer.
I’m fairly certain that coming out to his parents would change all of our relationships, and possibly not for the better. When I mentioned this to Tom, he got defensive. He really wants us to give his parents the benefit of the doubt, but it just seems so complicated. Can I ask him to speak with them before I see them? Or is that unreasonable? Does it have to be something I handle myself?
— In and Out