Dear Prudence,
I have two close friends who are wonderful, and we’ve regularly hung out together over the years. During the pandemic (starting in March 2020), we settled into a routine on Friday nights where we’d call each other on Zoom, catch up over the week and socialize, and then settle into watching a TV show or movie together.
Their friendship and support has been a lifeline to me during the pandemic, because I live alone. But recently I’ve started chafing a bit at the Zoom meetings. Lately I’ve let them know that because I work from home in an IT job, the idea of being on Zoom in front of a camera at the end of a week of non-stop video meetings all day sounds like a draining proposition. It’s a LOT of on-camera time, but even if I beg off on Friday, the assumption is that next Friday I’m up for more TV time.
My solution to this has been to hint to them to get together in person for a Friday night dinner instead of screen time. But here is where I run into two more issues: The first is their long-standing assumption that I’m available Fridays for Zoom nights (I know, I know, this is a pattern I’ve encouraged over the past 1.5 years). I now sort of just want to veg out on a Friday or two by myself.
And the second issue is that if I suggest we go out to a (responsibly masked) dinner, my friends will show up high. They look forward to the end of a week because Friday nights for them is “party time” where they get to cut loose with wine and pot. But they’re so high that their attention spans shrink, and we’re not really having proper conversations anymore … I’m not jealous that they’re high while I’m sober! I’ve just realized I’m not having a great time either in person or on camera.
I guess I just want to get released from the standing Friday night watch party or being a sober third wheel, but I don’t have the words to say how. Help!
— Stuck with Friday Zooms