Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

You don't need a reason.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

How do you break up with a perfectly good guy? In the past, I’ve only had to break up with guys once I finally realized they were jerks. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about four months now. We met at a party and saw each other out a few times before he asked me out. I was hesitant because he seemed fun, but there was just something I couldn’t put my finger on about him that I knew was going to be a problem. As it turns out, he’s just too boring. When we’re out and doing things, he’s fun and energetic, but now that we’ve been staying in due to the pandemic, I’ve finally realized I don’t like being around him on a regular basis. He is, however, the sweetest most thoughtful guy I have ever dated. He has gone out of his way to be understanding and supportive about some personal issues I was having last year.
When I’ve broken up with other guys, it’s been easier because I could point to a laundry list of jerky things they could do, but I don’t have a single one with him—he’s just too boring. On top of that, I know he thinks the relationship is great and the best relationship he has ever had. Do you have any advice on how to let him down easily?

— Letting Him Down Gently

Report Reply to Post

Re: You don't need a reason.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Be nice and truthful.  Don't string this person along when you don't see that you two are compatible. 
    Report Reply
  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You don’t owe anyone a relationship because they were nice to you. If you don’t want to date anymore tell him that you don’t feel you’re compatible and you’d like to end things. 

    But also I’m curious- are you someone who thinks there has to be a lot of drama for a relationship to be exciting? I’d you’re used to drama could it be you don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t a jerk? That does not mean LW should stay but just curious. 
    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    charlotte989875 said:
    You don’t owe anyone a relationship because they were nice to you. If you don’t want to date anymore tell him that you don’t feel you’re compatible and you’d like to end things. 

    But also I’m curious- are you someone who thinks there has to be a lot of drama for a relationship to be exciting? I’d you’re used to drama could it be you don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t a jerk? That does not mean LW should stay but just curious. 
    Right? Like LW thinks her SO is sooo boring when they’re at home and comfortable with each other, not fighting and having passionate exchanges. Meanwhile SO is so relieved to be in a relationship without drama, where it’s just quiet and relaxing at home and when they have a great time going out. 


    image
    Report Reply
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It hasn't been that long and the LW can just tell him something like she's "not feeling enough of a connection" to him.  And/or, "while she likes him as a person, he's not the right guy for her".

    The one thing she SHOULDN'T say is that he's boring.

    I also agree with @charlotte989875.  The LW should reflect on why she's always dating "jerk" guys and is now bored with the "sweetest and most thoughtful" one.  I'm not saying this is definitely the case because it's hard to tell from just a letter, but she might have to look at herself in the mirror and realize that she's attracted to the drama and the heightened emotions.

    I had an epiphany like that when I was younger.  I realized I often dated guys who were the life of the party when out in a group.  But, in private, they were always negative and morose.  Not necessarily always at me, but more like there was always a dark cloud over their head and it brought me down also.  I started looking for those signs right away when I met someone new.  There were times I cut things off after a few dates because I was already recognizing it.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I know a few people like that too.   They are constantly in bad relationships and while they are not at fault of the actions of another person, I think there were other issues that the friends had that affected the decision making.   
    Report Reply
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's 4 months, not 4 years. Just tell him you don't see a future with him. 
    Report Reply
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just be honest and tell him that you don't see the relationship any further. Don't string him along if you know you're never going to feel the same way he does.

    image
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    A simple “not feeling it” should suffice.  4 months isn’t that long, as other PP’s have said. Be mature about it and be straightforward and the guy should get the picture.

    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards