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Bridal Shower

knottief6d129e7a038a923knottief6d129e7a038a923 member
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edited March 2022 in Pre-wedding Parties
Ok, so I’m newly engaged but I’m also a bridesmaid to my sister in law.  Her mom took it upon herself to plan the wedding.  Basically said this is where we will have it and we all have to pay $350 each just for the venue.  Now she wants us to pony up for centerpieces, balloons, a chair (wtf), and other decor.  We are up to $400 currently. This isn’t including the whole bridesmaid group gift. Plus, the bride also wants to go to Vegas for her Bachelorette so we have to chip in for both her airfare and vrbo. I can’t imagine asking my bridesmaids to shell out this amount of $.  Especially with gas prices and inflation being so high. I have been a bridesmaid before so this is not my first rodeo and at most we’ve chipped in was $250 for a shower.  If the mother is doing the planning I can’t understand how she’s only chipping in $350-$400!  Is this unreasonable at all?
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Re: Bridal Shower

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottief6d129e7a038a923 said:
    Ok, so I’m newly engaged but I’m also a bridesmaid to my sister in law.  Her mom took it upon herself to plan the wedding.  Basically said this is where we will have it and we all have to pay $350 each just for the venue.  Now she wants us to pony up for centerpieces, balloons, a chair (wtf), and other decor.  We are up to $400 currently. This isn’t including the whole bridesmaid group gift. Plus, the bride also wants to go to Vegas for her Bachelorette so we have to chip in for both her airfare and vrbo. I can’t imagine asking my bridesmaids to shell out this amount of $.  Especially with gas prices and inflation being so high. I have been a bridesmaid before so this is not my first rodeo and at most we’ve chipped in was $250 for a shower.  If the mother is doing the planning I can’t understand how she’s only chipping in $350-$400!  Is this unreasonable at all?
    Completely and totally unreasonable. The mother doesn't get to plan it and then essentially bill the bridal party for the costs. She should have asked what everyone's budget was BEFORE any of this planned. 

    Same for the bach party. Who is planning that? No one gets to spend your money for you!
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    banana468banana468 member
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    flantastic said:
    knottief6d129e7a038a923 said:
    Ok, so I’m newly engaged but I’m also a bridesmaid to my sister in law.  Her mom took it upon herself to plan the wedding.  Basically said this is where we will have it and we all have to pay $350 each just for the venue.  Now she wants us to pony up for centerpieces, balloons, a chair (wtf), and other decor.  We are up to $400 currently. This isn’t including the whole bridesmaid group gift. Plus, the bride also wants to go to Vegas for her Bachelorette so we have to chip in for both her airfare and vrbo. I can’t imagine asking my bridesmaids to shell out this amount of $.  Especially with gas prices and inflation being so high. I have been a bridesmaid before so this is not my first rodeo and at most we’ve chipped in was $250 for a shower.  If the mother is doing the planning I can’t understand how she’s only chipping in $350-$400!  Is this unreasonable at all?
    It is absolutely unreasonable. One person does not get to plan a party and invoice the rest of the group for it, regardless of who it is. If you're contributing money, you get a say in how that money is spent (and how much you are willing to spend).

    Just say no, thank you, but I only have a budget of X for the shower hosting and gift, and if you truly think Y and Z are needed for this party, then you are welcome to cover the additional cost of them, or you are also welcome not to consider me a co-host of this shower and I'll keep my contribution and put it towards the gift. Or no, thank you, but I am unable to budget for the cost of a trip to Vegas at this time, so y'all have fun without me.

    If you stand up for yourself in a kind but also public way, it might give the other BMs courage to do the same.
    I love this.  There's often a feeling of planning and telling people how much they owe. You need to speak up quickly to advise what IS your budget.  

    And IMO, you don't get to want a destination bachelorette and ask other people to buy your flight and destination expenses.    That's a call out right then and there IMO. 
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    bubblylovebubblylove member
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    So the mother wants you to pay for the WEDDING? That is insane. We hear that from time to time on a shower and it is right but this is 100% worse. Just say you can only contribute X to the wedding/shower. Let the mom figure it out. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    This mother is BSC if she expects the wedding party to pay for a wedding on top of a destination bachelorette.

    Everyone needs to put their collective feet down. I agree with @bubblylove that I would just say that the amount I can contribute is $X. If they want more than that, then they're out of luck.
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    jadefleming89jadefleming89 member
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    It is unreasonable and insane to spend so much on a wedding.
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