Dear Prudence,
About a year ago, I moved to a very expensive European city. I got a huge promotion and started making almost double what I did before. Shortly before the move, I had realized that I had gotten into some poor spending and eating habits, and I wanted to change those.
I realized that I had been buying and eating my emotions. I started cooking more and paying for experiences rather than stuff. I was so much more fulfilled. As an added bonus, my savings account ballooned. I was shocked at how little money I could spend in such an expensive city. I started doing really interesting things and taking dream trips. It’s really been an amazing year.
A few weeks ago, I came home for a wedding and saw some of my old friends. They started talking about all their travel plans, and I chimed in with mine. They were quick to steer the conversation back to them. After a few times of this happening, I got upset and asked them why they weren’t letting me join in the conversation. They said they felt like I was throwing my lavish lifestyle in their faces. They had always wanted to travel to Europe but had never “gotten the chance” and that I “got lucky” with my job. I was upset, but couldn’t figure out my feelings exactly, so I left. A few days later, a friend of mine tried to apologize, but basically told me again that she and my friends felt it was unfair that they had been working so hard and never gotten to do something so interesting. I finally realized why I was upset: They felt like I, their former low-earning friend, didn’t deserve the lifestyle I had made. The thing is, yes, I do spend on things that other people consider luxuries, but I also don’t buy a lot of stuff. I don’t go out to fancy restaurants very often; I like the cute holes-in-the-wall that still have amazing food. I cook a lot for myself. I don’t buy designer purses, or just anything I saw on Amazon that I thought I might want. I don’t spend a lot of money on travel, I find budget options for airfare and accommodations.
My friends, however, spend a ton of money on things they never use or want. They don’t cook often and that comes at a price. I now make only slightly more than they do; however, they have made a lot of money in a low-cost city for years and have wasted that money on luxury rentals and nice cars and expensive food. They never prioritized travel or nice experiences the way I have. I am considering telling them this. A part of me wants to tell them to show them how to live a budget-friendly life, but a part of me knows any communication would just be throwing my lifestyle back in their face. Should I tell them how I prioritize money?
— Bestie Budget Problems