I have a low-stakes problem. My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and decided that we would take turns cooking and cleaning up. If I cook, she cleans up after dinner and vice versa. This seemed like it’d be a fair division of labor, however, we have different cooking styles. I am a “clean as you go” cook. I empty the dishwasher before I start and then put measuring cups and mixing bowls in the dishwasher when I am done with them and clean pots and pans if I get done with them before the meal is done. This means there are really only the serving dishes, dishes we ate on, and maybe a pot and pan to clean up after.
When my girlfriend cooks, it looks like an explosion happened in the kitchen. She never cleans up anything and there are dirty dishes piled in the sink and on the counter. When she cooks, it takes me forever to clean the kitchen. I asked her if she could clean up as she went and she said that is not how she cooks. I told her that I didn’t think it was fair for me to have to do double the cleaning that she does and her solution was for me to not clean up as I go. But then the kitchen is a cluttered mess when I am cooking and it feels overwhelming to me. My compromise was that we clean up together or we each cook and clean up our own messes after, but she said she liked it the way it was and it was working for her. Am I being unreasonable on this? Is it a red flag that she dismissed my discomfort so flippantly?
—Clean Chef