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Wedding Woes

It's just a dream.

Dear Prudence,

Hopefully a low stakes question! I’m happily married. I love my husband and our life together very dearly. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize what we have built. We have two school-age children and here’s the weird bit: I have found myself developing a sort of a crush for one of my kid’s teachers, who is definitely younger than me. We have talked and, to me, it seemed obvious there is a sort of connection (think unusual things in common/hobbies, general physical attraction). I have recognized it and backed off being involved with the class, leaving my husband to attend conferences and field trips. But I am still having very erotic dreams about this teacher! It has made me confused and even more awkward around him. I have backed off as much as I could, and I don’t think about him during the day. But jeez, how can I stop the dreams? It’s very jarring and unwanted! I don’t let those thoughts in during sex with my husband, but I still just want to understand the why? Is this okay? Normal? Should I tell my husband?

— Not Hot for Teacher

Re: It's just a dream.

  • They're dreams, it happens. Maybe TMI but i think i've had an "erotic" dream about almost everyone i've ever been attracted to.  You can't control your dreams (unless they're lucid dreams, but if they were this wouldn't be an issue)
  • Casadena said:
    They're dreams, it happens. Maybe TMI but i think i've had an "erotic" dream about almost everyone i've ever been attracted to.  You can't control your dreams (unless they're lucid dreams, but if they were this wouldn't be an issue)
    Same. 

    I think this is normal. It doesn’t have to “mean” anything besides having a little crush. It might not even mean that. 

    TMI but I’ve had a dream about my boss. Doesn’t mean I actually want to do anything with him. 
  • IDK how monogamy got roped into this super tight "don't be a human" thing, but it has.  This is normal.  The crush is normal.  How you're responding to it is excellent.  Don't worry about the dreams.
  • I've had sex dreams about almost all of our close friends and most of them were DH's friends before we met.  I had persistent dreams about my ex for the first year I was with DH, some were sexual and some were about other things.  My reaction to most sex dreams is, "Well that's interesting!"  I even tell DH about some of my sex dreams, LOL. 

    Dreams do not reflect reality.  They can inform your state of mind/stress levels.  Like, if I have heightened anxiety, I have a lot of dreams about falling or I have horrible car crash dreams where I wake up before impact (those are fucking awful and I always wake up really upset).  Maybe LW and their H need to get their rocks off with each other more often?  Or you're just appreciating a really hot guy?  You're married, not dead. 
  • Crush doesn't mean acting - even in dreams.
    M doesn't really dream, so he always answers no, but I've had dreams of good looking dudes on tiktok!
  • Enjoy the sexy time dreams!
  • Agree with everyone else but with an added...Do NOT tell the H.  There is no purpose for that, except to pass the awkwardness on to him and possibly make him feel bad.

    I'm sure my H fantasizes about other women.  Hopefully not women we know, but he might.  It's normal and natural...but I also don't want to know anything about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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