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Chit Chat
knottie79be0cda2f49d44f
member
Completely Lost
in Chit Chat
I'm lost.
We can't afford the wedding we want and don't know what to do instead.
We'd be ok with a micro-wedding but only with the people we want not the people we "have to" have. However, this would cause too many fights and hurt feelings, it's just not an option. Keeping it to a micro-wedding would be 36 of the closest-related relatives and two friends. It would also mean not inviting the more distantly-related relatives who we have closer relationships with (but also live out of state).
I have reached out to several venues for micro-weddings in our area and have either gotten no response or been informed they're no longer doing weddings.
His dad's wife mentioned letting us get married in their backyard. But, she only said it to me in passing, his father hasn't offered it formally to us and my fiancé won't ask. Our own yard doesn't have level area to set up tables.
I'm considering eloping. We have three children (two teens and a toddler) and I'm thinking a weekend away in the mountains or on a lake, just us. But, he really wants his mom, dad, and grandfather there.
I do not want my parents there. My oldest children have stopped speaking to my parents recently and I have not had a good relationship with my mother since I was a child. I'd really rather she not be involved at all. She tries to force our relationship and she will hang all over me every step of the way. I literally want to get married and not even tell her. Except, her and her husband gave us the only money we have to get married with (this was prior to their falling out with my older kids).
So we're just at a complete loss and I'm here, venting, wondering if anyone has a recommendation or a similar story.
(Did I mention we've been engaged for over a year?)
We can't afford the wedding we want and don't know what to do instead.
We'd be ok with a micro-wedding but only with the people we want not the people we "have to" have. However, this would cause too many fights and hurt feelings, it's just not an option. Keeping it to a micro-wedding would be 36 of the closest-related relatives and two friends. It would also mean not inviting the more distantly-related relatives who we have closer relationships with (but also live out of state).
I have reached out to several venues for micro-weddings in our area and have either gotten no response or been informed they're no longer doing weddings.
His dad's wife mentioned letting us get married in their backyard. But, she only said it to me in passing, his father hasn't offered it formally to us and my fiancé won't ask. Our own yard doesn't have level area to set up tables.
I'm considering eloping. We have three children (two teens and a toddler) and I'm thinking a weekend away in the mountains or on a lake, just us. But, he really wants his mom, dad, and grandfather there.
I do not want my parents there. My oldest children have stopped speaking to my parents recently and I have not had a good relationship with my mother since I was a child. I'd really rather she not be involved at all. She tries to force our relationship and she will hang all over me every step of the way. I literally want to get married and not even tell her. Except, her and her husband gave us the only money we have to get married with (this was prior to their falling out with my older kids).
So we're just at a complete loss and I'm here, venting, wondering if anyone has a recommendation or a similar story.
(Did I mention we've been engaged for over a year?)
Re: Completely Lost
It sounds to me as if the only way to have a completely stress free and lovely wedding is to........
3. Have your husband's folks and grandfather join you a day shortly after the wedding for cake and a toast.
There's no such thing as a "micro wedding." You don't need a certain number of people or amount of money to be a wedding, and it's pretty insulting and defeatist to suggest that weddings with smaller guest lists are inferior to larger weddings.
The cheapest wedding is to get married at the courthouse with his parents and take them out to lunch after, or to rent a park pavilion and have some grocery store platters of food with the 30 people you want to invite. Get the idea that a wedding has to have this or that out of your head, and start thinking outside the box for simple budget friendly options.
2) Approach the subject of the backyard casual wedding offer and go with that option or check with a local venue/hotel for a Cake & Punch reception at a non-meal time.
As far as the micro wedding, my mother's list is 200 people. I'd have to label it something to avoid all the hurt feelings. Friends of ours had a wedding with less than 40 people, neither of them have much family so it was almost all friends. It was perfect, lots of fun.
I would do the budget friendly, just us whatnot, it's him. He's the one who would be embarrassed to do that.
You are not responsible for planning a big wedding that you don't want and can't afford to make him happy.
I understand that planning a wedding can be overwhelming, especially when faced with financial constraints and complex family dynamics. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
Open Communication: Have an open and honest conversation with your fiancé about your concerns, desires, and limitations. Make sure you both understand each other's perspectives and find common ground.
Prioritize Your Wishes: Focus on what is most important to you and your partner for your wedding day. Identify the key elements that you truly value, such as having your fiancé's parents and grandfather present.
Small Intimate Ceremony: Consider having a small and intimate ceremony with only immediate family and close friends. This could include your fiancé's parents and grandfather, and perhaps a couple of close friends, while excluding more distant relatives.
Alternative Venue Options: Explore alternative venues for your micro-wedding, such as local parks, community centers, or small event spaces that may offer more affordable options. You can also inquire about their policies regarding smaller gatherings.
Destination Wedding: If a weekend away appeals to you, consider a destination wedding that includes your desired guests. Look for scenic locations or venues that offer package deals for small weddings.
Financial Assistance: If finances are a concern, you can explore alternative options for funding your wedding. This may involve saving up, seeking financial assistance from other sources, or considering a loan with manageable repayment terms.
Remember, your wedding should be a reflection of your love and commitment. Focus on creating a meaningful and memorable experience within your means and with the people who truly matter to you.