Dear Prudence,
I’ve known my in-laws since I met my now-husband when I was a college freshman. We’ll be together 19 years soon. His mother was initially quite cool towards me, in a no-woman-is-good-enough-for-my-son kind of way. We also had some cultural differences to navigate. I would now say we have a warm relationship, and I’ve always admired her because she raised her children on her own after being widowed extremely young and still managed a high-flying career which she has recently retired early from. The early retirement has meant she has been incredibly helpful when our children came along, and she is wonderful with them. What is not so wonderful is when she helps us out with housework.
We live in a small urban house, which means some creative storage solutions and no dishwasher. We have on many occasions run through where things go; however, whenever she comes to stay to help us out, we spend a few days after she leaves trying to locate things that she has put away. Generally, it has been minor things like our favorite mugs are on the 2nd shelf with the glasses not the 1st with the other mugs, but over the years she has broken 4 of 6 wine glasses that were wedding gifts when doing the dishes. Even after we say, oh that goes in X cupboard, we’ll find it somewhere else. On the last visit she stored my chef’s knife on the magnet rack with the point down—rather than up like all the other knives on the rack—and then knocked it so that it fell and the tip broke off. A replacement cost me several hundred dollars. She has never offered to replace the items she has broken.
I’m confused at her inability to ask where things go or follow the system that is obvious i.e. all the knives point one way, why would you put it the other way? I can’t shake the feeling she is doing this deliberately. She’s not yet 60, so we have no fear of any memory issues. She remarried 15 years ago to a lovely man who loves keeping a neat house and does almost all of the homemaking. Is she just so out of practice? I’m due to have surgery soon and she has offered to come stay to help with the children and around the house while I’m recovering. I trust her with my children, but I am dreading what damage will be done this time and need advice as to how to address this issue in the future.
—Honestly I Do Like My MIL