Dear Prudence,
I’ve been together with my husband “Dan” for eight years, married for almost five. We have what I think is a pretty great relationship—we love each other very much, and have a lot of fun together, but aren’t co-dependent on each other. We both have social lives outside of each other, and we both have good relationships with our families. Recently, I made a sarcastic comment about people who post on social media about how their significant other is basically the center of/most important person in their lives (I was scrolling on Instagram and saw a post like that). Dan was quiet for a minute, then said, in a way that sounded genuinely bummed, “So I’m not the most important person in your life?” I could tell he was upset, but, I didn’t really know what to say, so I said, “Well you’re definitely in the top three!” He laughed a little and said, “Glad I know where I stand,” but didn’t press it anymore, though, it still seemed to bother him.
It’s been several days, and he seems fine now and hasn’t brought it up, but I’m afraid he might, and I still don’t know how to respond. I just don’t believe in one person being the most important person in my life. That undermines the other people who’ve played, and continue to play, significant roles in my life in different respects. As I mentioned in the beginning, Dan has solid relationships with other people outside of me, so it’s not like I’m the sole person in his life he can rely on. I can’t really put the cat back in the bag and lie, so, if he broaches this again, how do I say this in a way that won’t hurt his feelings, and make him understand that he is very important to me?
—Woman of Many Moons