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Have you asked exactly how you communicate puts her off or what?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

How do you think people should balance being themselves and making others comfortable around them? I don’t have an issue with anybody but my sister, “Amy.” Amy seems to hate everything about how I communicate. She thinks everything I say is either judgmental towards her or like I’m rubbing my accomplishments in her face, which I don’t understand because she’s very accomplished herself. I’ve always suspected she’s felt this way about me, but she finally snapped recently and told me. I don’t really know what to do with this information. I am being very honest when I say I am not intentionally being judgmental nor egotistical to my sister. I don’t want my sister to feel uncomfortable around me, but I don’t want to walk on eggshells around her. Do I just reassure my sister that I am not being the things she says I am and keep communicating the way I do? Is it my responsibility to completely change the way I talk around her?

—Talking in Circles

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Re: Have you asked exactly how you communicate puts her off or what?

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask her for specifics. If you are doing something that is upsetting her, and you want to consider changing, ask her what it is and consider what she tells you. 

    But if she can’t be specific or gives you vague answers this might be more about her than it is you and you may just want to ignore it and move on. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you need to get specifics.  But if you have any close confidants I would also ask them for some serious feedback to bounce off if your sister is projecting or if you have more you can work on. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had a coworker like this.  There was something about the way she spoke to people that usually made her sound patronizing.  But I couldn't even say specifics that she could have changed if she wanted to.

    I wonder if it is something like that.  That it's unfortunately something about the LW that sets Amy's hackles up.

    But even if that is true, Amy's not handling it correctly either.  She needs to be more aware that what she finds judgmental isn't usually how her sister means it. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This reads to me like the sister is putting her insecurities on LW. "Sorry you feel that way" works just fine for me here. 
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