Dear Prudence,
My step-grandmother used my grandfather’s 2017 death as a reason to distance herself from everyone in my family, except for me. She refrained from attending my brother’s wedding; it reminded her of our grandfather, and she’d rather “love my brother’s family from afar.” She has never met her only great-grandchildren; they don’t live nearby, but she regularly travels greater distances. She had come to rely on me for updates about everything with them, even my late father’s illness, rather than rekindling her relationship with my mother (her step-daughter) or brother.
In 2020, I moved to her metro area, and the proximity has only highlighted how fake her love for my family really is. I couldn’t take it and had effectively ghosted her. Recently, she learned that my mother was visiting me and offered to help host! Never mind that my mother already visited, it feels like it’s time to explain why I’ve gone silent. Should I try to kindly explain how I don’t know how to have a relationship with her when she doesn’t want to know my family, or make an excuse about the trip and move on?
—Reciprocal Estrangement