Dear Prudence,
My (wonderful, loving, etc.) partner and I are in our 50s. Aches and pains and the indignities of aging are beginning to rear their head. I take a Tylenol, maybe stretch, and carry on. My partner complains. All the time. Every time they sit down, or stand up, or bring in the dog food delivery from the porch, I hear about it. Sometimes it’s just grunts and groans. Sometimes they want to tell me what hurts, how long it’s been hurting, the suspected origin of the hurt, etc. And I do not want to hear it. It’s boring and pointlessly negative and so, so repetitive. We are in good health. They go to the doctor as often as needed. The things that can be addressed have been. The rest is just age. What can I do (kindly—they’re a sweet, sensitive soul) to get them to accept that their sore knee/stiff shoulder/plantar fasciitis is not interesting and will not improve by bitching about it. And that hearing about it is bumming me out on a daily basis? I know it’s a habit that can be broken, but how do I communicate that it’s a problem? We have at least a few more decades to get through, in which our bodies are unlikely to improve. I can’t take another 30 years of “conversation” about back twinges.
—My Back Hurts Too