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Wedding Woes
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Thank your friend for the review and do you.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 

I’m an aspiring writer, and I’ve almost completed a good draft of what would be my first novel. A major plot line involves a couple in a fantasy setting who escape from a difficult cultural situation and fall in love with each other during the journey. It’s kind of a sexy and gritty romance, with some intense scenes where the characters aren’t sure they can trust each other because of their difficult lives. To be totally honest, it’s probably a little cliché, or at least I thought so.

A close friend of mine read my draft and told me that she thinks it’s a problematic portrayal of romance, based on trauma bonding and fuzzy consent. Her ideas for what to change feel to me like they would take the romance and sexual chemistry out of the story. I thanked her for her feedback and made a joke about it being for adults and not an instructional manual, but now I’m kind of in my head about the ethics of my writing. This is my favorite type of story, and I’m in a respectful and functional romantic relationship. It’s OK to write a romance that isn’t perfect, right?

—Problematic Problems

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Re: Thank your friend for the review and do you.

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yep.

    One of my favorite writers did a collection of erotica short stories.  She had an essay in front that this was fantasy, taken from her own fantasy.  That meant they weren't "okay" to be acting out in real life, they could be dangerous, minimizing, and stereotyped in dangerous ways.  I thought it was well done.

    Additionally, one of my favorite comics was written about a woman's prison planet.  The white woman writing it, who had the name behind her, wanted to be honest in this scenario she created, so most of the main characters are women of color and transwomen.  She invited PoC to write essays and be published in the comic, to keep her accountable and honest, as well as to talk about the issues she was bringing up in the comic.  She had other readers read it and tell her what she could do better to continue her story, be honest, but also not be harmful.

    We can't better ourselves as humans if we don't know what we're being better about.  Also, sometimes we imagine suuuuuuper messed up things.  This doesn't me we, or our art, are "bad".  It matters who we are and why and how we create.  So, I'm fine with this; a content warning or small explanation at front might help out.
    �
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