Dear Prudence,
My niece has always been a high achiever, while her older brothers are your stereotypical slackers. They both barely graduated high school and are now currently in their early twenties with part-time jobs where all the money goes to weed and video games. My niece got into a technical program where she graduated with a degree and immediately found a fairly well-paying, full-time job. All three still live at home. My brother and my sister-in-law only expect my niece to pay rent. First, it was only a nominal amount, but after a series of household setbacks (new roof, foundation cracks, etc.), they basically want her to hand over every paycheck. Not a word about her older brothers getting to work.
My niece has rightfully refused, and her parents threatened to kick her out of the house. So I offered to let her move in with me. My niece accepted, and now my sister is blaming us for all their financial troubles and keeps saying things like it is our fault if they lose the house and become homeless. This gets to my niece. She often is left in tears after talking to her parents and wonders if she is betraying her family. Her parents both work long hard hours at warehouse positions. I am not speaking to my brother and sister-in-law. It like running into a brick wall. I keep telling my niece she should limit her contact with her parents for her own sake. But she is only 19. How do I help her?
—Trouble