Dear Prudence,
I was once part of a group of friends before I had a falling out with my roommate and moved two hours away. However, we’ve kept in touch via Facebook, the occasional texts, and even the rare visit. Which brings me to the reason I’m writing: There was this one member (“Alex”) who while single when I first met him eventually found a girlfriend (“Elaine”) and invited her into the group. Everyone, myself included, accepted Elaine and came to like her. When I moved, Alex and Elaine were still together. When Alex was in a near fatal car accident, Elaine was the one to inform me directly via text and helped him until he was able to both figuratively and literally get back on his feet. Elaine and her family wished Alex happy birthday on Facebook. Photos from throughout most of 2022 still showed Alex and Elaine together. Then Halloween came and while most of the “old” group were together in photos, Elaine was missing. Then around Christmastime, I saw a post complaining about lack of success with online dating. Thinking it was from someone who had been single at least since before I’d moved, I remembered Elaine and Alex having met on such a site/app back in 2012 and was about to mention that.
Until I saw the post was from Elaine. I checked her profile; it said she was “single.” Alex rarely, if at all, uses Facebook, so his still says he’s “in a relationship since 2012.” I hate that they broke up and that’s how I found out. As mentioned earlier, I was friends with Alex long before I even knew Elaine existed. Yet other than breaking up with Alex and complaining about her subsequent (lack of) dating life on social media, she has shown nothing but kindness (and not just online) to me and the rest of my former friend group. I really hate being in this position! I guess I should mention that I’m autistic, it’s hard for me to make friends in the first place. Also, I’ve used Facebook’s “take a break” feature on Elaine (her posts no longer show up on my newsfeed and she can’t see anything I don’t post as “public”; a less obvious “unfriend-ing”, if you will). Any advice?