Dear Prudence,
I recently gave a kitten from my cat’s litter to a family friend, Pam. When I checked in to see how the kitten was doing, Pam informed me, very matter-of-factly, that the kitten had died of “fading kitten syndrome.” She spoke as if it were some inevitable outcome and not something preventable with proper care.
I’m struggling with this. I made sure these kittens were healthy and well cared for before rehoming them. I understand that not every animal survives, but it’s hard to accept that this particular kitten didn’t stand a chance when he was thriving under my care. If there was a medical issue, why didn’t Pam take him to a vet? Did she do everything possible to help him, or did she just let nature “take its course”? When I expressed how upset I was, I said I wouldn’t have entrusted her with the kitten if I’d known she wasn’t capable of taking care of it. She seemed offended by that, as though I shouldn’t have any feelings about what happened to a life I brought into this world.
I’m not trying to be cruel, but I feel strongly about this. Life is precious, and I don’t believe in consoling myself with ideas of fate or inevitability. I want to say something to her that conveys how much this has shaken me without making things worse. What would be the right thing to say?