Dear Prudence,
My teenage daughter has become addicted to “smellmaxing.” a fashionable trend of drenching oneself in vast quantities of cologne. I’ve been trying gently to communicate to her that it’s unpleasant to be around, but she’s very sensitive and I was treading carefully. That blew up in my face over Christmas when we went to stay with my husband’s family. My in-laws are delightfully direct, to the point of open rudeness, and did not hold back. Comments varied from, “Oh my god, did a skunk die in here” to “Peeeeeeeeughhh, girl, you stink like a Texas brothel” and they just kept coming. My daughter was incredibly distressed but my husband and his family have largely dismissed that, arguing that she needs to toughen up.
Meanwhile, my daughter has barely said a word to me since and is blaming me for “not telling her” that she reeked and letting her “make a fool of herself.” How do I explain to my in-laws that bullying a teenager is completely unacceptable when they clearly feel no guilt? And how do I explain to my daughter that sometimes you need to rely on people that love you to share some hard truths, even if they don’t do it in the best possible way?