Dear Prudence,
After more than 30 years together, my now-ex told me he had a longstanding interest in another woman. He claimed he’d never cheated, but wanted my blessing to pursue her and stay married to me. He said I couldn’t handle being single in my 50s. Well, I filed for divorce, and he pushed back. Our divorce was emotionally horrible, but I’m luckier than I could be. I’m a teacher, so I’m not rich, but I’ll have a pension and health coverage. He was a much higher earner with a better lawyer so he got the house and most assets. But I recently inherited my mom’s one-bed condo, so I didn’t have to give up my city or find a new career. Our adult kids didn’t take it well, and still are sad about “not being a family anymore,” and believe there’s equal blame. He remarried within two months, while I’m still single three years later. There are younger guys who are fun for a night, but I still haven’t met age-appropriate relationship material. I try not to be bitter but I am. I’m lucky to have friends, career, kids and hobbies. I try to stay focused on that.
Now, apparently, he and his wife suffered from a major health event last year. They are hoping for a payout from a lawsuit and filing for SSI, but will both not be able to work and will require some care at home. They re-mortgaged the house at some point and now can’t afford the combination of payments, taxes, and being unemployed with medical needs. So here we go…
They went to her son and my two kids to ask for housing and care help. All the kids are scraping by with roommates and student loans so they said no. But now my ex is asking ME to take him and his wife in “just until they get the lawsuit money.”
I know that day might never come, I hate him, and selfishly I don’t want him to get the “two women, one household” dream he had pre-divorce. To prevent my life from becoming some type of Ethan Frome nightmare, I gave a firm no. Then when he pushed, I blocked him. But now I’m getting nearly constant pressure from my kids. He got nearly 70 percent of our assets in the divorce, I don’t even understand how he’s in this situation. I don’t have much to share if I wanted to! I don’t want them to live in the street but I would like to never think about them again, if possible. How do I close this topic forever?