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And everyone just sits around and lets him?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

This year, my husband and I will be hosting Thanksgiving at our place, and I am dreading it. My sister “Tara” is overweight, and my husband loves making jokes at her expense, especially around food. She tries to laugh it off, but I can tell it bothers her. When I call my husband out for it, he says we need to learn to take a joke. What can I do to get him to stop being so insensitive?

—Golden Rule

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Re: And everyone just sits around and lets him?

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Make him feel as uncomfortable as he’s making Tara feel. 

    When he does it say “why would you say something like that?” And wait for him to respond. Expect a response. 

    If he says “take a joke” calmly say it’s not funny. 

    But honestly why are you married to someone who would be so cruel to someone you love? 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    charlotte989875 said:
    Make him feel as uncomfortable as he’s making Tara feel. 

    When he does it say “why would you say something like that?” And wait for him to respond. Expect a response. 

    If he says “take a joke” calmly say it’s not funny. 

    But honestly why are you married to someone who would be so cruel to someone you love? 
    This is it right here. 

    The question is not how you fix him. The question is why you stay married to someone who is so awful. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She should reply with, "It's not a joke.  It's cruel.  Would it be funny if I made fun of you, every time you're such an idiot?"  I wouldn't normally go that low in an argument.  But that is how much this would enrage me.

    He can't be trusted.  I'd tell him to get out of the house for Thanksgiving and spend it elsewhere.  Because I will not have our guests be subjected to his incredibly rude behavior.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This would infuriate me. WTF is wrong with this dude.


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 21
    I will fully admit that I'm on a "hating men" train right now.  I'd take whatever he was insecure about and start making those jokes.  I'd play Short D!ck Man, whenever he entered the room.  I'm tired of men playing emotionally dumb and weaponized incompetence, I'll rub their goddamn noses in it until they do understand now.  No more "going high."

    Then she should divorce this loser.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Call him out in the moment and don't wait until later. Let him be uncomfortable. And if he tells you that you and Tara need to take a joke, tell him he needs to take his dinner outside until he can stop being an asshole. Ideally, it'll be an especially chilly day.
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