Dear Prudence,
During a particularly horrible argument with my husband, “Bob,” I sent a mildly unhinged text to his best friend, “Kyle.”
I asked him to help my husband be kinder to me. The next day, I very sincerely apologized via text for dragging Kyle into an awkward situation, apologized directly for my part, and added some context on how I thought my marriage might be over. Thankfully, Bob and I have worked on things, and our marriage has improved a lot.
Kyle never responded to either text, has ghosted me since, and when Bob explained to him that I actually have been subjected to some of Bob’s awful behavior, Kyle didn’t believe my husband. Kyle said that I could call him up and explain myself. I don’t have any desire to defend myself to Kyle. Bob and Kyle are still very close friends; they text several times a week.
It’s been over a year, and my husband is turning 50. I gave Kyle and his wife six weeks’ notice for Bob’s surprise birthday party, sent multiple reminders, and received no response. I sent another reminder to him and his wife separately, and his wife RSVP’d no for both of them. I’m very surprised that my husband’s closest friend won’t be participating in a special moment. I still have no desire to defend myself for things I haven’t done. I understand that Bob is not being a good friend, and the situation feels really unhealthy. It also feels really weird that an adult is unwilling to have any contact with me over one lousy text message and cannot just suck it up for an hour to have a slice of cake with his BFF. What now?