Dear Prudence,
My wife and I are retired, so we take weeklong trips throughout the year. We ask our neighbors (“Tom” and “Cindy”) to grab our mail and place it on a bench in our entryway, and make sure the house feels warm as we live in a colder climate. Usually, nothing more than a “thanks” is required when we get back, as we do the same for them. Tom is always the one getting our mail.
If there is snow in the forecast, I will call a snow removal service to clean our property while we are gone. Our last trip, no snow was forecasted, so I didn’t make arrangements. We had a “freak” snowfall of about an inch, and on our security cameras, I noticed Tom shoveling our driveway and sidewalk after the snow had passed.
A little more work than just a “thanks” would be enough, so knowing he works from home, I texted him one day and told him I would take him out for lunch, pick the day, and his choice of restaurant, for shoveling the snow while we were gone. He picked a restaurant with higher dinner prices but an affordable lunch menu. I was surprised that Cindy was with him when he arrived. I even asked why she wasn’t at work. She said once she heard I was taking Tom to the particular restaurant we were at, there was no way she would pass up an opportunity to eat for free there, and she took half the day off.
I am somewhat upset because Tom did the work, Cindy did nothing, and she ordered off the regular menu instead of the lunch menu, so her meal cost the same as what my lunch and Tom’s lunch dishes cost, plus she “needed” a cocktail with her lunch. I was secretly seething and actually thought about telling the waiter to split the bill with Cindy paying her own way, but I paid the whole bill anyway. There is a slim chance this might happen again, that Tom would do something above and beyond while we are gone, and I would like to pay HIM back. I phrased my text as “taking you [not both of you] out to lunch.” How should I phrase it next time? I am not interested in paying for Cindy’s lunch if she didn’t do anything.
—I Invited Him, Not Her