Dear Prudence,
We are very lucky to live in a walkable and bike-friendly neighborhood where the elementary, middle, and high schools are all nearby. My daughter, “Lane,” is 15 and highly respected and responsible as a babysitter. She has been babysitting since she was 13.
One of her clients offered her a significant amount of money to walk their three kids to and from the elementary and middle school every morning and afternoon. The parents’ schedule changed, so they couldn’t do so. They are obviously too close to get busing, carpooling was chaotic at best, and their 11-year-old was not ready for the responsibility.
The problem is that Lane decided to quit choir and band to take this job. Both are electives that require after-school practices. She can’t take the kids after school and wait until a parent gets home, and also do her extracurriculars. My husband and I agreed to let her try for a semester, but figured that the arrangement would fizzle out. Lane would miss her friends, or the parents would be tired of paying.
The opposite has happened. Lane loves the job and says she can always sing in church. The kids adore Lane, and the parents upped the ante by telling Lane they want her to pay her to watch the kids full-time this summer, excluding our family vacation, and they promised Lane a car when she turned 16. It is as old as she is, but it is a free car.
Lane argues that she is a straight-A student and would rather save money for college than depend on a scholarship, and she could easily cover insurance and gas with her job. I am concerned that Lane is sabotaging her future here. College is very expensive and competitive, and the administration will not only look at grades but also at extracurriculars. We have some money saved for Lane, but are paying for her brother’s college and helping with the cost of memory care for her grandmother. We couldn’t afford to buy Lane a car right now.
My husband thinks that Lane has the right to make this decision, and she is taking AP classes across the board, so she probably will get credit for her first two years of college. At worst, she can do community college and transfer. I am very much against this situation, and am worried that taking care of three children all summer for 10 hours straight will negatively affect her. I also don’t want to damage my relationship with my daughter by forbidding this outright. People always tell me how great Lane is, and I am lucky to have skipped out on the teenage drama with her. What do I do here?