Wedding Woes

Involuntary Carnivore

Dear Prudence,

I’m a vegan, and over the weekend my husband and I held a cookout for our families. When it came time to have lunch, he slipped me a chicken patty in my burger bun. I thought something was a little off when I tasted it, and then he told me what it really was. He and his entire family thought it was the funniest thing ever. Even our 6- and 8-year-old kids were laughing at me! My husband has ribbed me about being a vegan for as long as we’ve been together, but I never thought he would play such a cruel prank on me. I’ve been making him sleep on the couch since Saturday. He says I need to “get over it” and learn to have a sense of humor. Please tell me what he did was a violation of trust and not something trivial!

Re: Involuntary Carnivore

  • Yeah, this is pretty big. It's not the sandwich itself, it's the treating your convictions as a joke, embarrassing you in front of family, and teaching your kids to mock you. I'm willing to bet this is not the first time he's played a cruel joke on you.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This wasn't a joke.  It was an attempt to undermine your values in front of not only family but by doing it in front of your children it was an attempt to demean you.

    Furthermore, my understanding is that if you have not had meat in a long time then by doing this it can also create digestive problems as it is a shock to the system to encounter a different protein than it is used to consuming.  

    So this DH committed a double whammy all for what - his personal satisfaction?  Not cool.   This would definitely not be 'get over it' territory.  It would be in breach of trust where does the relationship stand do I want to be in a relationship with you territory.
  • I would not get over it especially because this was intentional. I’d be looking at my relationship super closely to see if there’s a pattern of this type of cruelty and disrespect.
  • It's not trivial. He was mocking your values and putting you at risk of illness for the sake of a few laughs. He's also setting a terrible example for your children and teaching them that it's okay to be cruel to the people you supposedly love. 

    He can keep sleeping on the couch until you decide whether he needs a whole other home to sleep in.
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