I need to vent!

Purple&7 · December 2011

So last night FI and I were talking to his mom, brother, and SIL. The topic of alcohol came up and I mentioned that as of now there is none at the wedding. (My parents won't pay for it.) FI and I both said that we didn't care if there was any or not because neither one of us drink. Well his mom said that some of their guest would go crazy if there wasn't any. I said fine, then ya'll can pay for it!! THEN his SIL said what will ya'll toast with? I said probably sprite or something similar. She then proceeded to LAUGH at me!! I'm sorry but I don't see what was so funny...

I realize that there was no point to this post but it really hurt my feelings that she laughed. And sorry I haven't been around lately school got in the way of knotting.

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

That would hurt my feelings too! Its horribly rude of her to laugh like that! Even if you don't agree with someone's views on that, you don't express it in that way *shakes head*

ochemjenn · December 2011

That would have hurt my feelings. Our guests toasted with whatever they had in their hands. I'm also a fan of sparkling grape juice.

SuMmErKuTiE · December 2011

I'm sorry they reacted that way, as it was very insensitive.

But I also understand where they're coming from, as in my circle, a dry wedding would be unheard of. Our friends and family expect open bar at weddings they attend since it's tradition and cash bars are highly frowned upon. However, I would never ever say the things that they said if I found out a family member or friend was choosing to have a dry wedding.

You said the right thing, that if your IL's think a lot of the guests will be disappointed if there is no alcohol, then they should pay for it. We paid for our wedding mostly ourselves, and we knew we needed to have open bar with our guest list. So, that's what we provided. (we were so busy that we didn't even enjoy anything! I think we each had a drink delivered to our sweetheart table and they both went untouched.)

You can always meet your MIL and SIL half way though. Have them pay for it, and if you're not comfortable with a full open bar just have them provide wine and beer or beer with a signature drink.

ETA: We had a champagne toast as well, but only because it was included in our venue package. If it wasn't, we would have just had the guests toast with whatever they were already drinking whether alcoholic or non-alcoholic. I've been to weddings that have done this, and no one has ever said anything.

kelsey+brandon · December 2011

I figured jumping in on a post where I "know" the OP would be the best place to start!

I'm so sorry your FSIL and FILs got so upset about y'all not having alcohol! It's ridiculous that she laughed at you too!

I think it's more than okay to toast with whatever you're drinking, even if that is sprite. Does she want you and your FI to drink just for the sake of a wedding toast? That just seems silly!

We will be having alcohol at our wedding which I know all of our friends appreciate, but one of our friends who is in the same social circle did not have alcohol at their wedding and no one minded. It's the choice of the couple (or whoever's paying) whether or not there will be alcohol and everyone else should just respect that!

[Deleted User] · December 2011

that is hurtful.

I'm sorry.

we toasted with a fizzy clear punch. it was white grape juice and ginger ale... so good! I've also seen toasts with sparkling grape juice or sparkling cider. you could do that as well.

FaithCaitlin · December 2011

Definitely rude and hurtful! I'm sorry, girlie! We can't decide what we are doing about alcohol- if it makes you feel any better, you aren't alone.. We get nasty comments too! ::Hugs::

Purple&7 · December 2011

Thanks everybody! I knew that we would probably have alcohol at the wedding, I just didn't think it would be such a big deal for FI and I to not have a drink.

ETA: Welcome to the board Kelsey!!

Ash61612 · December 2011

Kelsey, good to see you over here!

I am sorry that happened Tiffany. That would hurt my feelings too but just remember, it is what FI and you want. Bottom line. It's not your inlaws wedding, its not your FSIL. Do what makes you happy. I was MOH in a wedding in September and they didn't serve alcohol and toasted with whatever they had in their hand. Don't worry or stress over it.

mrandmrsbrist · December 2011

That was really rude. I'm sorry she reacted that way. We had a dry wedding. And no one missed the alcohol...if your FI's family wants to pay for it and you're not against having it, that's one thing. But if you don't want it at the wedding, I don't see why you should cave and allow it at your wedding.

kristea0337 · December 2011

It is so sad that, these days people feel like they have to have alcohol to have a good time. If people get upset sounds like you have more of a right to be upset. Aparently they care less about celebrating your happy day & more about getting free booze.

My FI wants to have a little champagne for the toast (I'm not really a fan of toasts but he really wants one & I don't mind). However, I will not even ask my family to consider paying for it. I have asked them & they said it is okay with them to have it at the reception since we won't be in a church.

sister2groom · December 2011

I'm sorry you were so hurt, that was pretty hurtful. Try to forgive, not to let it bug you. But there's no big deal about having a dry wedding.

sessionswedding · December 2011

Soooo, we skipped the toast altogether. DH and I almost didn't do the stereotypical linked-arm sipping picture deal. At the last minute our DOC put some sparkling white grape juice in our decorative flutes and we did that linked-arm thing for the sake of a picture.

We didn't have alcohol at all at our wedding. No one noticed. No one cared. No one even asked about it before the wedding.

jaycee7389 · December 2011

I agree that it was terribly rude of your SIL to laugh at you, and also for your MIL to judge your decision. Wedding planning can bring out the best and the worst in people. My sister and I friend tend to make negative comments about the way we are doing things. It really bothers me, but I just remind myself that we love our wedding and they don't have to.

RebeccaJac · December 2011

We're going through the same battle. My family doesn't want it and FI's does. It's a super hard place to be in.

I'm guessing we'll end up having it at the wedding and having a cash bar. For us there was only a small fee for setting up a bar so it solved a lot of the turmoil-- it is available but not provided.

Sorry you're going through that!

I need to vent!

Re: I need to vent!

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