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Not Engaged Yet
PandaBurr
member
Don't want a wedding anymore (Rant)
This is totally odd, because before I was engaged I was totally psyched about our wedding (yes, the party aspect). But once I started planning and looking at numbers, I just realized that I don't want a wedding. I want a house with a yard, and then to have a backyard BBQ wedding/housewarming party. But even with this awesome idea, there are problems. As of now, we want to stay in WA, but my parents live in So Cal. Now, they would totally travel for the wedding, but none of my mom's friends will. She's a total psychopath (which some of you already know), and doesn't want to interact with ANY family members other than my cousins. The original plan was to have it in So Cal, so her friends would go, and so she wouldn't be lonely and stay off my back. But if we have it up here, where we plan to buy a house, none of her friends would come, and so she'd be free to go all Senorita Psychopath on me the whole day. Blah.
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Re: Don't want a wedding anymore (Rant)
I get so depressed when I start looking at numbers and money. I swear, the price of weddings has doubled in the past 5 years. I think it is because of all the wedding shows that are on TV nowadays.
EDIT: Don't get me started about the stress attacks I get when I try to look at numbers for a Maui wedding, I always come back to the conclusion I rather put it towards making the down payment we have right now bigger for a house. All this and I haven't even really started planning a wedding. I plan to start planning in June.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
[QUOTE]You don't need an MOH so much as you need a Mom Wrangler. Is there anyone in your family you could recruit to do the job?
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
Sorry Panda : (
BTW - have you seen the YoungHouseLove.com backyard wedding on the cheap? It's adorable!
I got nothin'. Sorry:/
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I thought about doing a second reception in So Cal for my mom and her friends, but that doesn't really solve the problem of her being a psychopath on my wedding day.
Let me describe her to you. My uncle just died on Thursday. The funeral is this weekend. I had to yell at her and CONVINCE her to go to the funeral for her favorite sister, because she wasn't planning to because she's mad at some of her other siblings and didn't want to talk to them. How incredibly selfish is that?? And she's like that ALL the time. My therapist says she most likely has a pretty severe personality disorder so her thinking isn't exactly rational...
But I digress. I think we're just gonna do a Vegas wedding, so that way she and my dad can go off on their own.
Kidding.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
Planning / Married / Blog
Easier said than done, of course. And there's always more complicated reasons that keep it from being that simple. But it's in general helpful to remember that no matter what she says or does, try not to let it bother you.
And yeah, rent out a friend or family member she likes to pay attention to her and keep her out of your hair!
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
But yes, we've decided on Caesar's Palace in the Venus Garden. I'm finally excited bout the wedding again, haha. I really appreciate the input and the support ladies.
P.S. My mum doesn't drink, so that wouldn't work either. I honestly REALLY considered slipping her one of my meds.. hahaha. I think at least two of her friends will go if it's in Vegas, since it's only like a 3 hour drive for them. Especially if she closes shop that day. She tried to convince me to get married on a Wednesday so she wouldn't have to close shop over the weekend when it's more busy. /eyeroll
[QUOTE]I'm willing to provide mom wrangling services. I vaguely offering to get someone's FMIL drunk on Jell-O shots at their wedding, so I figure Mom Wrangling can't be that much worse.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]
LOL, I remember that.
[QUOTE]P.S. My mum doesn't drink, so that wouldn't work either. I honestly REALLY considered slipping her one of my meds.. hahaha.
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]
Srsly. Slip her something in an iced tea or whatever.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
[QUOTE]Right... by right I mean no. By no I mean do it.
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]
Yeah, this!
Seriously, though, do what's right for you. Don't have a relationship with her based on the fact that you feel you "should" - I firmly believe we can't choose our family members, but we can dictate the relationship we choose to have with them. In the case of my grandmother, that means one phone call a month, an invitation to big events in my life, but no special treatment. Figure out what works with your Mom, and don't give her more power than she deserves.
And seriously, pay someone to babysit her if you must. Distant cousin who needs an extra $50? Guess who they're going to be sitting next to at the reception! And paid to keep her out of your hair.
"Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing through my open ears inciting and inviting me"
Do you think you could afford it into your budget to buy 1 or 2 of her friends transportation and hotel? Maybe you'd still come out saving $$ with a backyard wedding, and that way would have Mom wranglers?
What I really wish for is for her to get help. I've been trying for who knows how long now, and I've just stopped bringing it up. Almost got her to go once, but once she got there she refused to get out of the car. And shiit like that doesn't work if you're not willing to work on it. So, yeah, not much I can do until she realizes she needs help.
But, I'm leaning more and more towards the Vegas idea, because it's close enough to her (and the shop girls) that at least two of them and their families will go with her. Most likely more, because they all like hanging out together. Plus they're probably afraid of my mom too if they get the day off work but don't end up showing up to the wedding. Not that I care, I barely know them, and it saves me cash, haha.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
[QUOTE]Panda, I really feel for you. What a sucky situation.<strong> I think making a decision about where to have your wedding based on your mom's craziness is bound to make you have regrets. </strong>Don't give your mom that much power.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
Exactly. This is why I didn't even THINK about wedding stuff for like two months after getting engaged. I remember one night in bed, I rolled over and literally said to FI, 'I hate our wedding. I hate everything about it. I hate planning it. I just want it to be over with." After that, I didn't plan or look at anything anymore, until a few days ago when I decided it was time to revisit the subject since we're still hoping for a January wedding. I mean, yeah, my first choice would be an awesome backyard BBQ, but who knows when we'll be able to get a house. We don't even know what state we're going to be living in a year from now! So, my next choice was Vegas. I feel a little selfish for doing it this way, but in the end, I guess I just realized that my whole life has been about accommodating her either to keep her calm or to keep from getting my legs broken (she tried. It's a good thing she's a tiny Asian woman, lol). I guess I feel like I finally deserve to be selfish, y'know? It kinda feels good.
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(I might be exaggerating a little, but you certainly shouldn't hate your wedding)
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.