Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unique Wedding Situation

Here's the deal everyone,

My fiance, Zach, is in the Navy. He's still in training in Great Lakes, Illinois. We got engaged during the winter holiday season and are in a hurry to get married so I can go with him to his new basing assignment in April. Therefore, we decided that when he gets his leave time inbetween training and this first base we would do a courthouse marriage to make us a legal married couple to make it okay according to the military standards to go with him. We also decided to have a reception at a later date (in a year or so) for our families and friends to gather and help us celebrate our marriage.
The problems we are having are with the way are announcements should be written, wether we should include a list of places we are registered at with these announcements and when they should be sent out. From the information I have gathered announcements are to be sent out after the courthouse ceremony; however we would like to let people have the choose to make the trip to Florida (where we are having the courthouse marriage because that is where I'm living and all of our family is either in Wisconsin or Illinois) to attend if they want to. Also, if people are sending gifts we would want them to be able to send them to us and not the parents but we wouldn't have a set address until MONTHS after the courthouse ordeal.  

To sum it all up,
should the announcements be sent after the ceremony?
should we be registering places and making that known within the envelope of the announcement?
How to we word an announcement like this if we were to want people to be welcome to join us for the courthouse marriage?

Really, any kind of information of advice on this kind of arrangement would be helpful!!

Thank you so much
Nikki
«1

Re: Unique Wedding Situation

  • Do not put anything into an announcement or invite regarding a registry... it comes of as gift grabby.
    image
  • Don't include any sort of registry information in your announcements. If people want to get you a gift, they will ask where you are registered. I'm not sure about the other stuff, but registry info on any kind of announcement is seriously rude.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • If I received a wedding annoucement with resgistry information in it I would think you are a gift-grabby bride and I would just ignore the annoucement.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • If you want them to join you, then send them out 6 weeks before the ceremony, and then it would be an invitation, not an announcement.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:74a5ca52-184e-4892-877c-d944cdc79fb5">Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's the deal everyone, My fiance, Zach, is in the Navy. He's still in training in Great Lakes, Illinois. We got engaged during the winter holiday season and are in a hurry to get married so I can go with him to his new basing assignment in April. Therefore, we decided that when he gets his leave time inbetween training and this first base we would do a courthouse marriage to make us a legal married couple to make it okay according to the military standards to go with him. We also decided to have a reception at a later date (in a year or so) for our families and friends to gather and help us celebrate our marriage. The problems we are having are with the way are announcements should be written, wether we should include a list of places we are registered at with these announcements and when they should be sent out. From the information I have gathered announcements are to be sent out after the courthouse ceremony; however we would like to let people have the choose to make the trip to Florida (where we are having the courthouse marriage because that is where I'm living and all of our family is either in Wisconsin or Illinois) to attend if they want to. Also, if people are sending gifts we would want them to be able to send them to us and not the parents but we wouldn't have a set address until MONTHS after the courthouse ordeal.   To sum it all up, should the announcements be sent after the ceremony? should we be registering places and making that known within the envelope of the announcement? How to we word an announcement like this if we were to want people to be welcome to join us for the courthouse marriage? Really, any kind of information of advice on this kind of arrangement would be helpful!! Thank you so much Nikki
    Posted by onikki16[/QUOTE]
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2010
    Do not send an annoucement.  Send an invitation to the reception.  You'd word that as "... invite you to a reception to celebrate the recent marriage of..."

    If you want to invite them to the actual wedding, send an invitation to that.  But if you're doing that, you'll need to host some sort of reception for those then (even taking them out to lunch). 

    You never send anything about registries to anyone.  Ever.
  • Your situation really isn't that unique or complicated.  If you want to invite people to a courthouse marriage, then send out an invitation.  If you want to send out announcements after the fact, then send out announcements.

    If you have a big celebration a year later, call it what it is:  a vow renewal.
    image
  • what a letdown. i came in here expecting a you-neek wedding situation. pffft.
  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:74a5ca52-184e-4892-877c-d944cdc79fb5">Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]  1 - should the announcements be sent after the ceremony?  <div>2 - should we be registering places and making that known within the envelope of the announcement? </div><div>3 - How to we word an announcement like this if we were to want people to be welcome to join us for the courthouse marriage?
    Posted by onikki16[/QUOTE]

    </div><div>1 - Since you said you want to invite everyone to both ceremonies, why not send out Save the Dates that are basically invites to the courthouse ceremony?  You can mention that a traditional reception will be held next year and that they'll be getting an invitation to that as well...</div><div>
    </div><div>2 - No.  Don't include registry info on anything...  People will ask, and the info will travel via word of mouth.</div><div>
    </div><div>3 - See #1.</div>
  • A very close family friend just sent out her wedding invites, she included where she was registered, we didn't take it as a "grabby" inuendo...
    However, it sounds like this isn't what is suppose to be done, and won't be done now that I know how "rude" and "grabby" it seems to be.
    Thanks for the help everyone, we were lost.
  • does anyone else get the impression she's hoping to weasel her way into 2x the gifts?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:fb95959c-0bbb-4d61-b267-f0a361ad0c68">Re: Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]does anyone else get the impression she's hoping to weasel her way into 2x the gifts?
    Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

    Couldn't be Daff. her situation is "unique" after all.
  • Oh, and FYI, what a scary group of people on this site. Sorry, but this is the first time i'm ever getting married, this is the first time i'm trying to plan a wedding, and I was never taught the etiquettes of a wedding; so my bad if this isn't a unique wedding situation.
    Another FYI: I understand now that it's RUDE AND GIFT GRABBY TO OFFER REGISTERY OPTIONS IN ANNOUNCEMENTS AND INVITES SO IF THATS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO POST ABOUT SAVE YOUR TYPING. Thanks.
    If anyone has something ligit to add to my personal dillemma, it is much appreciated because I am a NEW BRIDE WITH NO EXPERIENCE.
  • 1. send invites to people if you're wanting them to come to your marriage ceremony- soon since it sounds like it will be a trip for many of them

    2. Dont include registry info on anything you send out. The only way to get the news out about your registry is by word of mouth, or if you're really wanting to get the word out include a link to your wedding website where you can place your registry info (not on the front page).

    3...this post was too long to keep track of what you were asking so i'll leave it at that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    156image 108image 48image RSVP Due 5/18
    New Bio
  • OH and, we were going to be saying, no gifts when we sent out invites for the large reception.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:5a12a868-5cdd-43d3-89cd-57b6a5d4fb73">Re: Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]A very close family friend just sent out her wedding invites, she included where she was registered, we didn't take it as a "grabby" inuendo... However, it sounds like this isn't what is suppose to be done, and won't be done now that I know how "rude" and "grabby" it seems to be. Thanks for the help everyone, we were lost.
    Posted by onikki16[/QUOTE]

    Well... personally I find any mention of gifts in an invite to be  unacceptable, but I will not be too offended.  Mostly because I always give a gift when I'm invited to a wedding.

    If I received a wedding annoucement.  Which means you are you not inviting me to anything, but just letting me know the event happend... Then yes I would be offended if I saw gift information.  I would assume you didn't want my company at your wedding, but you wanted a gift from me.

    See the difference?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • STOP YELLING AT US. And it's legit, as in short for legitimate. Get your panties out of a twist.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • is this also your first time on the interwebs?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:ef6b09f9-7ae2-4541-a701-f3d79e839f36">Re: Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, and FYI, what a scary group of people on this site. Sorry, but this is the first time i'm ever getting married, this is the first time i'm trying to plan a wedding, and <strong>I was never taught the etiquettes of a wedding</strong>; so my bad if this isn't a unique wedding situation. Another FYI: I understand now that it's RUDE AND GIFT GRABBY TO OFFER REGISTERY OPTIONS IN ANNOUNCEMENTS AND INVITES SO IF THATS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO POST ABOUT SAVE YOUR TYPING. Thanks. If anyone has something ligit to add to my personal dillemma, it is much appreciated because I am a NEW BRIDE WITH NO EXPERIENCE.
    Posted by onikki16[/QUOTE]

    LOL, teh etiquettes.

    Also, please don't yell at us for passing on a very valuable piece of etiquette advice. No one yelled at you, and seeing as how this is a public message board, people are going to respond with whatever they feel you should know. If you don't like it, just ignore it and SAVE YOUR READING.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:0c13652c-6cbc-47ba-9f0f-0af110b377ad">Re: Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]OH and, we were going to be saying, no gifts when we sent out invites for the large reception.
    Posted by onikki16[/QUOTE]

    Don't mention gifts. At all. Ever. Unless you are asked directly about it.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • If you're planning on inviting people to your actual wedding, why have another reception at a later date?  Why not just invite everyone to the courthouse and then out to dinner?
  • Also? For a "NEW BRIDE WITH NO EXPERIENCE" who needs help, you sure are quick to tell us to shut up. Pick a side and stick to it: Do you want advice or not?



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • It's ok to send out invites to the court house wedding if you want people to attend. Are you planning on having someting for your guests after (cake & punch? a meal at a restaruant? appetizers & drinks at someone's house?). If not, then announcements are the best way to go to let people know you got married and are planning a party (reception/vow renewal) later.  

  • This probably belongs in P2's "I wonder" thread, but I always wonder why OPs think they can filter out the responses they get. Do you really think that you can just tell people to stop posting and they will? Not how the internet works.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-wedding-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:683bfed0-007f-4377-ac9f-3d3a30250caePost:5cd8c623-b7b8-45e5-9759-94482afd1395">Re: Unique Wedding Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're planning on inviting people to your actual wedding, why have another reception at a later date?  Why not just invite everyone to the courthouse and then out to dinner?
    Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

    i was thinking this as well. the whole plan makes no sense.
  • Amen lauren. OP, you are getting good advice here (i.e., expat), which is why it's not a good idea to yell at everyone and make blanket statements. Just for future reference.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • I don't want advice from people who are going to constently post something on here that are simply to say things that are just as rude as this adding gift registry in an announcement.
    If you read other posts on here, there were a few people who answered my questions in a very respectful way, most of you did not.
    I do believe what one of you said, don't waste my reading on the posts are being strong or what I considered rude. Thank you.
    Suprisingly, yes this is my first time on a board like this. Like I said, I have no experience at all with any of this bride stuff or trying to get advice from those who I thought would understand.
    To me, the fact that everyone that comes on here and sees that everyone is telling me to leave out the gift registry, it would be common sense not to comment on that part of it because obviously I should get it by the 6th post of being a gift grabby bride.

    Kati0105 :

    Thank you for the idea, we are just worried that his family won't be able to afford to come all the way from northern WI and MI for a Florida courthouse marrige. That is why we are wanting to have a reception at a later date. Thank you so  much for being civil!
  • The majority of posters here have never gotten married before, its called common sense and common decency. Not putting "please give me gifts!!" on an invitation or whatever is pretty straight forward.
  • Yeah, if you are inviting people to come to the courthouse with you, you need to give them some kind of party afterwards. Even just dinner at a restaurant. Why have the party later at all? Just do a small JOP wedding.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards