Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose

motoLyn · December 2010

*DISCLAIMER* I am sick, a head cold with sore throat, which means I am pumped up with tea, meds and vitamins.

So married... engaged...soon to be engaged....have you guys thought about just eloping. I'm engaged and the wedding isn't happening soon. I don't plan on actually having to start planning till Spring of next year. The whole trying to finish graduate school is priority among trying to buy a house right now. But my question is how many of you ladies have thought about just eloping? And I mean seriously. As a little girl I thought about what my wedding would be like, and helping plan my sister’s wedding and a couple of other friends wedding I would make a mental note of what I liked and disliked. And after each wedding was said and done, my idea of my wedding shrank.

From big family and friends receptions down to a destination wedding with just family and a few close friends. Perhaps its cause I’m sick and a little loopy but I really don’t want to plan a wedding, I just been contemplating it more often lately and I haven’t even come close to start planning a wedding. FI tells me I’m not the average bride, since I be happier that it be just him and I, but I’m sure that his mom would be really upset that she couldn’t be at her oldest child’s wedding. Am I strange? I can’t be the only one feeling this?

I used to mention it at first as a joke but lately its becoming much more an option. I somehow feel that if I keep on this track the wedding will no longer be in Maui but Las Vegas with a handful of friends since it be a spontaneous decision. “We’re going to VEGAS!” I was in the car with FI this past weekend when we went to look at a house, and as we were driving along I was thinking that a wedding is just an small event. That I didn't need it really because all that mattered was that I would be married to FI. So why would or should we have to save up for a wedding. I've mentioned this to FI last night and it seems he's on board but his idea of elopement is pretty much what we had originally planned with a wedding in Maui with both our families and a handful of close friends.

Now my head is all foggy so I'm going to stop rambling now. Thanks for playing along with me.

bethsmiles · December 2010

I've always envisioned a big wedding but I entertain ideas of eloping but it would really hurt my family and I could never do that to them.

CASK85 · December 2010

I'm sorry that you're sick, dear! I hope you start to feel better soon - keep those liquids coming.

Sometimes (often, even) I feel like the big wedding is . . . for lack of a better word, lame. I realize I'm on a wedding website and a board full of girls planning their weddings, and I know that all of your weddings will be beautiful and fun and full of love. And I don't know what my wedding will look like (even though I spent a lot of time thinking about it like, 5 months ago). But, the idea of doing something small and simple, rather than getting a bunch of people together for some (sometimes) awkward "traditions" really appeals to me. I'm sorry if this is offensive, ladies I really don't want to insult.

I could never truly elope (just me and the man and like, 2 other people) because my mother would kill me. But like, 30 people sounds good to me. lol.

tiffk10 · December 2010

I am on the fence about this. There are times when I consider the absolute headache it will be to plan a wedding with my split-multiple family situation, and his huge family, that I seriously want to just run to Vegas and have it be done with. But I have always envisioned having a wedding and my pretty princess day. BF always tells me, "We can't elope. I've been planning my wedding every since I was a little girl." What a drama queen he is!

Some days I think he wants the big, pretty princess wedding more than I do!

Blue & White · December 2010

I'm convinced BF's dad would pay us upwards of like 15k to go get eloped, but my dad would be fairly devastated, so that won't be happening.

nottheonlydreamer44 · December 2010

Sorry you're sick, Lyn! Feel better sweetheart.

As for the eloping thing - I am not joking about wanting to do this right now. Actually, this morning I thought, "Lets just go down to the courthouse, get married and not tell anyone." <--- That was really for tax purposes. lol. However, I would like to elope and my mom is pushing for us to do it.

We will see....

MLekathLEEN · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-of-elopement-blowing-nose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:63d7dcc5-7b19-4ad9-a438-7a2a15222d4ePost:806c2f0b-5a40-443b-98c7-07ce3fd11a0d">Re: Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose</a>:
[QUOTE]I am on the fence about this. There are times when I consider the absolute headache it will be to plan a wedding with my split-multiple family situation, and his huge family, that I seriously want to just run to Vegas and have it be done with. But I have always envisioned having a wedding and my pretty princess day. <strong>BF always tells me, "We can't elope. I've been planning my wedding every since I was a little girl." What a drama queen he is! =) </strong>Some days I think he wants the big, pretty princess wedding more than I do!
Posted by tiffk10[/QUOTE]

tehehe.

I would love to elope. We have talked about going to Jamaica with just our parents and honestly, I think it's a great idea. However, I still want a reception at home with the rest of my family and friends. Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it too.

PaigeMcC · December 2010

My dad told us he'd give us money if we eloped. No word of a lie. He said "I'll give you the money I'd spend on a wedding if you just elope." We seriously considered it. It would be a good chunk of change to go South and get married and then put towards the house....but I can't. I want my friends and family all there. I want great aunt so and so to come and gush over me. I want MY DAY DAMMIT! *stomps foot*

No but seriously we couldn't do the small destination - FBD's parents wouldn't be able to make it, neither would most of his family and my friends are all dirt poor so it's not something that's in the cards. But if it's something that you'd really like then I'd say GO for it!

motoLyn · December 2010

Well ladies, I honestly think I'm not into the whole wedding thing. If I'm getting thoughts of elopement now I can't imagine what it would be like when I actually start planning. I'm not sure what my family would say. My older sister was married 7 years ago, and she had the big traditional Vietnamese wedding, so I know my parents are satisfied with one child doing it that way.

They always knew I was not a conventional child so it wasn't a surprise when I told them i wanted to get married in Maui. My dad actually does not want us to have our wedding in Maui. He told us he rather spend the $3K that he would have to use for travel and lodging in Maui on a wedding reception locally. I know I probably won't elope because it would hurt FI's mom and step-dad not to attend, and then there's FI's biological father that's in Denmark that FI needs to have him there. I might and I mean might just have to budget a wedding planner in. Or I'll be here all the time blowing my lid. I like hearing about other people's big weddings, and even helping plan, but when it comes to mine. A white dress, some flowers and a sunset ceremony on the beach is fine by me. Secretly I hope that out of the 50 we invite only 30-35 will actually attend.

heyimbren · December 2010

I seriously thought about it for a while. Sometimes when I'm with BF I tell him that we should just hop in his truck and go somewhere, leave everything. He always says okay, and grabs his keys and turns to me to ask if I could really do that. He knows I couldn't.

We never really talked about eloping (we try to stay away from talking wedding stuff before it makes me go truly BSC) but I realized a while ago that the people that are there matter more to me than anything else. It isn't even so much friends and family (because that's large, but I could cut it down) but it's all those in my church community who truly contributed to me growing up. I couldn't elope personally, but I think the idea is romantic.

Also, Lyn I think the compromsie of a smaller DW always seems like a nice compromise between "traditional" wedding and elopement.

becunning2 · December 2010

Sorry you're sick. Wedding planning can be stressful and frustrating and blah. If you want to elope, elope. If you want a small family only wedding, you can do that too. Just cut back on all the wedding excess and host a barbeque in your back yard. Whatever you want works as long as you end up married and are happy with the decision.

bakes218 · December 2010

FI and I have never wanted a big wedding. For us it is just about being married and together. IMO the whole point of a wedding get's a little clouded with huge parties and cakes and wedding colors. At the end of the day we want to be husband and wife.

We chose a small place that will host the ceremony and a dinner. Our parents will both be attending and that is it. We got a few rude comments from people but it is about us and our parents, no one else.

My parents gave us a large sum of money instead of the wedding and we have used it for our house. Our house will be there for a life time and a wedding is one day.

I think you have to just decide what your priorities are and then go from there. What we are doing is not for everyone but a huge party to make everyone else happy just isn't for us.

laurenann82 · December 2010

My Mom and Dad already agreed to give me $10,000 for a down payment instead of paying for a wedding. I asked them about maybe investing in a house with me, and my Mom was the one who said that I "probably wasn't going to have a big wedding or anything." I really hadn't thought about what kind of wedding I wanted before then, but now I am thinking I want a small and casual court house then a party thing. I'm a while off from getting married (BF said more than a year but less than two) so right now I am much more excited about buying a house!

leia1979 · December 2010

Feel better Lyn!

If eloping sounds better to you and FI, then go for it. It's not for me. But then again, I would never have a huge 300-person wedding, either. We're doing smallish and local, and it's what's right for us.

skyler1108 · December 2010

Ha ha it has crossed my mind a time or two.

My grandma's really good friend owns The Little White Chapel in Vegas. It has been brought to my attention several times that I can get married there for free. Trust me I have thought about it but in the end we obviously decided we wanted something a little more traditional.

I can not complain too much about my wedding since it will be really small so I do not have to worry about that same things I would have to worry about if we were having a large wedding.

AudgiePodge · December 2010

I hope you feel better! I've been sick since last Tuesday. I'm pretty sure I caught it from somebody on the plane.

We're not doing any wedding planning. If we weren't doing the hot air balloon thing, we'd be JOPing it. I had a big wedding when I got married the first time, and honestly, I have no desire to do it again. FI is on the same page, although this will be his first. Both sides of the family are well aware what we are doing. FMIL wants to host a get together after for the families to meet, who haven't already, and celebrate. I am totally going to have a funfeti cake and it will be glorious. (read: delicious)

MissOwl · December 2010

My SO would love to elope. He hates being the center of attention. I, however, would be really sad if we weren't able to celebrate with family and friends.

I have been seriously saving for a wedding since I started my first big girl job last year. I know it sounds totally stupid, but my future wedding for me is like buying a house for some people. it's the only thing i want to save for and spend on in a big way. man that makes me sound like a brat. just fyi...SO is saving too and we're not getting help from our families.

marleylikeair · December 2010

I want the big party! I want all my family and good friends to bear witness and then to eat, drink, and be merry with us. For sure. But elopement has crossed my mind, in a fleeting, wouldn't-it-be-romantic way.

motoLyn · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-of-elopement-blowing-nose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:63d7dcc5-7b19-4ad9-a438-7a2a15222d4ePost:901e70d2-7c96-4cae-a645-80a35bbd3238">Re: Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose</a>:
[QUOTE]I want the big party! I want all my family and good friends to bear witness and then to eat, drink, and be merry with us. For sure. But elopement has crossed my mind, <strong>in a fleeting, wouldn't-it-be-romantic way</strong>. :)
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

That hasn't crossed my mind... for me its more cowardly, no stress, no planning and be done kind of way. I'm such a pansy. As much as I think of eloping and considering it. It won't happen. Most likely it'll be a DW in Maui with just our immediate families and like a handful of friends. I'm going to keep this shindig simple. But a girl can dream about eloping can't she...

jemmini6 · December 2010

At first, I got a little overwhelmed with the idea of planning a wedding, so I started looking at places in Hawaii, hotels, plane tickets, etc. But none of my family (parents and 2 sisters) would be able to afford to go and I can't afford to pay for them all to get there. I think I would've regretted not having my family there, so we just pushed on with the 'normal' wedding and it wasn't so bad once we took things one thing at a time.

calindi · December 2010

Feel better, Lyn!

You can certainly do a small destination wedding with minimal planning. No one said you have to spend hours upon hours planning every detail... well, the wedding porn does, but no one with any common sense.

Create a budget, create a guest list, pick a resort somewhere, and let them plan all the details. Seriously, my friend got married in Jamaica, and all she did was tell them, "25 people, bright colors and tropical flowers, non-religious ceremony, we'll have two readings from friends, beef and fish of some sort, and chocolate cake with raspberry filling." I mean, I think there were a few emails back and forth towards the end, but she always says she planned her wedding with one phone call. When she made it clear to them that she didn't care about the details and wanted as little to do with the planning as possible, they basically took care of everything, she just said "Yes" or "No" to a few details.

Personally, I can't imagine getting married without my parents and brother there. Otherwise, I personally don't need anyone there. However, I can't imagine hurting some of my family by not inviting them - my grandparents would be devastated. So mostly, the reason I couldn't elope is because I wouldn't want to hurt my family. BF seems really into the idea of a small-ish destination wedding, though. When we talked about pushing up our wedding if he graduated early, we realized it would be too cold in RI that time of year, so we started talking about a destination wedding. While we live in Florida, we don't want to get married here. So the idea of Costa Rica came up, and he LOVED it. We can invite everyone, no one's feelings are hurt, but we'll end up with a smaller guest list for a lot less money. It's the best of both worlds!

coastiegrl25 · December 2010

I so want to elope, but it would break his moms heart. Therefor we are having a super small beach wedding no reception just dinner and going out that night. It's basically no planning and it's perfect for us.

LizzyTish88 · December 2010

Am I the only one who has never thought of it? My family is everything to me and I want my wedding to be an experience for everyone in it. Both families are going to play a huge role in the marriage, so they should also play a role in the wedding. I can't imagine not having them all there on my wedding day. I have not had the stress of planning a wedding, but I still don't think it would stop me. And it's not about a pretty princess day either, I don't care if it was a backyard, with everyone, including BF and I, in jeans and t-shirts, I just want them all there.

bethsmiles · December 2010

I don't think BF's family would care if we eloped. They don't really seem to care if something big is going on in his life its always all about his older brother or younger sister. My family would be devastated though and I can't imagine my wedding day without my dad walking me down the aisle. But still sometimes I wish we could elope.

mattycam · December 2010

If I am frustrated about something, I think about why I didn't go through with a DW but then a lot of people that I would want there wouldn't be there. However, I'm sure our parents wouldn't be in full agreement with that option

musikbx · December 2010

We will either JOP it and have a nice dinner with our parents afterwards, or have a small parents-only DW in Thailand.

My family lives in the US, while his family lives in Europe. Additionally, with friends living all around the world, we've decided it would be really hard to plan a wedding that could include everyone. We'd hate to only exclude certain people, so we've decided that parents-only is the best way to go. I'm sure we'll catch some flack for not inviting aunts/uncles/cousins/best friends.... or his brother for that matter. At the end of the day, it's the option we feel most comfortable with.

calindi · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-of-elopement-blowing-nose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:63d7dcc5-7b19-4ad9-a438-7a2a15222d4ePost:a66373cf-3ef5-4e6a-8ced-0224cb36a976">Re: Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose</a>:
[QUOTE]We will either JOP it and have a nice dinner with our parents afterwards, or have a small parents-only DW in Thailand. My family lives in the US, while his family lives in Europe. Additionally, with friends living all around the world, we've decided it would be really hard to plan a wedding that could include everyone. We'd hate to only exclude certain people, so we've decided that parents-only is the best way to go. I'm sure we'll catch some flack for not inviting aunts/uncles/cousins/best friends.... or his brother for that matter. At the end of the day, it's the option we feel most comfortable with.
Posted by musikbx[/QUOTE]

Awww... at least invite siblings, no? I totally get nuclear families only (parents and siblings) but at least from my experience, I'd be devastated if my brother got married without me there.

musikbx · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-of-elopement-blowing-nose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:63d7dcc5-7b19-4ad9-a438-7a2a15222d4ePost:2c055a5a-847e-4106-8673-8b2b068e3a93">Re: Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts of Elopement while Blowing my nose : Awww... at least invite siblings, no? I totally get nuclear families only (parents and siblings) but at least from my experience, I'd be devastated if my brother got married without me there.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

If we invite his brother, we'll also have to invite his wife + their three small children. Realistically speaking we'll probably end up inviting them, knowing that they'll be unable to travel overseas (in either scenario) to join us.

redheadfsu · December 2010

We are eloping in St. Lucia next year (just the two of us). Sorry, but having a wedding we do not want just to please people makes us mad. So we refused. We talked to the parents & got them to understand we don't want a traditional wedding. We want a weddingmoon. My parents did a JOP by themselves so they completely understand. His parents took a little time & now want to host something when we get back (I'm fine with that - as long as I don't have to plan or pay).

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Hope you're feeling better, Lyn...

As for the elopement... I've always envisioned a wedding, not necessarily huge, but Church ceremony and a nice reception with great food and dancing... Never considered eloping...

Then over the weekend, my sister said she was going to a wedding. I joked with her that the 12/11/10 date was cool and who would be down for a 12/12/12 wedding?? My sister and BF's sister both said "Sorry! We're busy that day!" So, I said "Don't worry, we'll just elope! Then, you'll really be sorry!" lol

It's not a bad idea, though.

hetshup · December 2010

I wanted to elope so badly. I actually said, hey let's go to Costa Rica and just do it. He said no and our parents would have been pissed if their friends and family couldn't have been there. I would have been so much happier. If you think you want to, DO IT.

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