NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)

VioletRays · November 2012

FI & I are hosting Thanksgiving dinner at my place this year. This is the first time I'll be cooking for his family. I checked with FI about, allergies preferences etc. My only concern is one vegetarian.

Obviously the turkey, stuffing and gravy is out for her, but I do a large all homemade meal with lots of sides and options almost all are vegetarian. I know she can have the 9 vegetable sides, the from scratch bread, cranberry sauce and both desserts. I also set out 2 appetizers in the living room while everyone is mingling before dinner one is veggie dip with breads, crackers & crudities.

I'm less sure on the baked macaroni & cheese (doing double duty as a side and as the entree for one picky eater), and the brie app. FI says she eats eggs and dairy (including cheese) but after checking these cheeses are not actually vegetarian.

I'm worried that she will not really have a main dish. Is this enough? If not what do you suggest?

jessicabessica · November 2012

The only people I know who are that strict about cheese are people that are also kosher. I personally try to only buy vegetarian cheeses, but I will eat food out that has cheese that I don't know about.

If the 9 sides are totally vegetarian (no lard or stock), I think it sounds like plenty to eat. If you want to be extra-accomodating, you could go to Whole Foods (or similar grocery store with a lot of prepared food) and get a portion of prepared tofu or lentil salad for some protein. It sounds like you're already cooking a ton, so I don't think you need to make anything more, but if you want to have something on hand that will be special for her, I would suggest picking up something like that.

ETA: If you haven't already gotten the cheese for the mac and cheese and want to make that with veg cheese, I can recommend Tillamook and Cabot cheeses as veg, and the Costco near me has kosher mozzarella and cheddar.

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

Do you stuff the bird? I LOVE YOU. People are crazy about that these days and it drives me nuts. Learn to do it correctly, people.

Okay, anyway - my point! Can you leave a little stuffing out of the bird and cook it on the stove? That way she can eat it.

dtbluv · November 2012

We always put stuffing in the bird, then make an entire other dish of stuffing (our Thanksgivings are 20+ people) and usually my mom drenches the other dish of stuffing in turkey juice before she bakes it so it doesn't get dry. With my brother's veg GF coming over we just switched that to vegetable stock and it works just as well.
Also, you could make a vegetarian gravy (http://vegetarian.about.com/od/saucesdipsspreads/r/herbgravy.htm) or buy a little box of mushroom gravy. They sell mushroom gravy the all the grocery stores in my small-ish town, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding it, it's usually in the health food section and 2 or 3 dollars.

Also, not sure what your desserts are, but gelatin isn't vegetarian, so if you're making a mousse that requires stabilizing, just remember that. And marshmallows typically aren't vegetarian.

I think for the most part your guest should be fine, but if you can get/make some vegetarian gravy for her, that would be really nice. For my Thanksgiving isn't complete without mashed potatoes and gravy, so I would be super appreciative if someone got mushroom gravy for me. (In a hypothetical world where I was a vegetarian, I mean).

VioletRays · November 2012

Thanks for all the tips!

The vegetable sides have no lard or stocks.

Deserts are gelatin & marshmallow free.

I prepare my stuffing with turkey stock so even out of the bird would't work (was trying not to have to make a pot of veggie stock for just another side, but will consider it)

Never thought about gravy for her mashed potatoes, only turkey (silly me). I don't do packaged I guess I could whip up a mushroom gravy.

Was hoping that the cheeses where vegetarian but unfortunately I use mostly cheddar for my macaroni & cheese and have had problems in the past with certain brands and texture so I am wary of trying a new brand at this point.

I was trying to find a vegetarian natural brie (no luck).

freebread03 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:e07d1739-a5d0-4b39-864c-2e67af822827">Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you stuff the bird? I LOVE YOU. People are crazy about that these days and it drives me nuts. Learn to do it correctly, people. Okay, anyway - my point! Can you leave a little stuffing out of the bird and cook it on the stove? That way she can eat it.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this. I always stuff the bird, and then cook a whole other batch of stuffing outside of the bird. Typically I mix the two together before serving, but in this case, I'd leave a large portion out, unmixed, for the vegetarian (we did this last year since FI's sister is vegetarian-the ONLY thing she couldn't eat was the actual bird).</div>

kipnus · November 2012

I've gone to a few family Thanksgving dinners as a vegetarian, and I'm totally fine with eating everything but the turkey and gravy. My mom uses veggie stock for all of the stuffing (it doesn't go anywhere near the turkey) and everybody likes it. I can live without gravy, but when we host our own dinner this year, H will make a vegan cashew gravy--so good!

I'm a little confused about the cheese not being vegetarian--I can see it not being vegan, but it should be vegetarian, at least.

VioletRays · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:1346a92c-85cb-4eb3-90da-845462d6a402">Re:NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed especially from veggie knotties</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to be honest, I think it's pretty crappy to expect your veg guest to just eat sides and to not even change the stock you make your stuffing with, which is an easy change and you can do it for all the stuffing then just leave a portion out of the bird. It's one thing for someone to go to something like a wedding or benefit for 100 people and not be very well accommodated. It's another to invite someone to your home and not be as accommodating as possible, especially for a holiday that is all about food. I would make the stuffing with veggie stock, make some mushroom gravy, and ask her what sort of entree she would like. It's pretty easy to grill up a portabella, or do some sort of stuffed eggplant or pepper, and then she won't be stuck eating a plate of side items while everyone else gets a spectacular entree with it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><strong><u>I </u></strong><strong><u>do not want to her to have only sides</u></strong>. </div><div>
</div><div>As for the stuffing I didn't think one out of 10 sides was being crappy & unaccommodating. The reason I have all these items is to be as accommodating to all my guests as possible. I wish I could serve 20 items that fits all 16 people's dietary restrictions and preferences but that's near impossible. That's why I'm asking. </div><div>
</div><div>P.S. one of the sides is spinach stuffed portabello mushrooms</div><div><div>
</div></div>

dtbluv · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:d0b67beb-8a8a-4591-b272-c9975d0248cf">Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)</a>:
[QUOTE]I've gone to a few family Thanksgving dinners as a vegetarian, and I'm totally fine with eating everything but the turkey and gravy. My mom uses veggie stock for all of the stuffing (it doesn't go anywhere near the turkey) and everybody likes it. I can live without gravy, but when we host our own dinner this year, H will make a vegan cashew gravy--so good! <strong>I'm a little confused about the cheese not being vegetarian--I can see it not being vegan, but it should be vegetarian, at least.</strong>
Posted by kipnus[/QUOTE]

<div>I was confused about this too so I looked it up. Cheese is made with rennet, an enzyme (I think) that curdles the milk properly so it becomes delicious cheese instead of sour, rancid, disgusting-ness. There are different kinds of rennet, one kind is made from the stomach lining of a baby calf or ewe or kid, but there are also plant-derived rennets and microbial rennets. And scientists have cooked up some synthetic rennets that do the same thing as animal rennets, but don't actually use any animal parts.

And, I love love love cashew gravy! It took me a couple (like 13) tries to get it to come out right, but now I am completely in love with it!</div>

jessicabessica · November 2012

kipnus, can you please post the recipe for the vegan cashew gravy? Sounds AMAZING.

For the OP, I think Trader Joe's has veg brie if you are looking for it and you have one by you. I forgot to ask before and didn't see it asked - do you use lard in your pie crust? That's another way desserts can be non-veg. I don't eat meat, and I'm used to just eating sides at family gatherings. While I'll be the first to admit my family isn't the most considerate, I don't mind this when there are plenty of sides to fill a plate, which it sounds like you have. Last year H's cousin made a tray of eggplant parm as the vegetarian entree for Thanksgiving, and I certainly appreciated that, though.

VioletRays · November 2012

No lard in my pie crust

Avion22 · November 2012

If she's ovo-lacto, then veggie cheese is probably not an issue. You can always ask her to be sure, but you may not need to go out of your way to find vegetarian cheese if she doesn't care.

I know you said that you prefer to do home-made everything, but it's pretty easy to find veggie stock in the grocery store. It would be nice if you could make at least some of the stuffing with veggie stock. Stuffing is definitely a Thanksgiving must-have for me, and I would miss it if it wasn't available.

Definitely see if you can find out more about how restrictive this person is. Also, when I was vegetarian, I really hated people making a huge fuss over me. Yes, it was nice when my family made simple substitutions with me in mind (veggie stock vs. chicken stock), but I certainly wouldn't have expected anyone outside my family to go majorly out of their way to accomodate me and my personal choice not to eat meat.

NeedFavors · November 2012

Wow! I surprised by this post, I have been to plenty of Thanksgivings as a vegetarian and I think you are being incredibly accomadating with all your dishes. I am also a very picky eater and have offered to bring a dish so that I knew I would have something I could eat along with anything else that was there.

I think the worst thing is if the hostess is trying to accomadate me and I won't eat it. I feel like I am offending the hostess in that case. Don't stress yourself out by worrying too much.

random4180 · November 2012

I think you're probably fine with your vegetarian menu- I'm vegan and have been going to my H's Thanksgiving meals for the past few years (they're all omnivorous.) I generally prefer not to make a big deal out of it and always bring a pretty hefty dish so that in the event I can eat nothing (hasn't happened but always be prepared!) I have something that can feed me for an hours-long family event. I LOVE stuffing and mashed potatoes so usually I make my own versions around the holdays anyway (trust me, if your veggie loves them too, she probably does the same!) There's a lot of dishes that can be easily made veggie and it sounds like you've got it covered.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

Honestly, the one worry I would have is not having enough protein for her. We have several vegetarians in my family, and I know that while they're ok with just sides, it can sometimes make them feel icky afterwards because all they've had is grain and veggies. Tofurkeys are REALLY easy to cook up and are sold in very small portions (basically enough for 2-3 people). Another option is to make some sort of casserole that would appeal to others but also have some protein. The past few family holidays, we've made this: http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipe/lentil-orzo-casserole-2/. It's really easy, good for protein because of the lentils, and so innocuous that even my meat-and-potatoes father enjoys. If that doesn't appeal, there are lots of bean/chickpea/lentil dishes you can find which can be prepped days in advance, frozen and then just reheated when the rest of the sides are being heated.

It may not be necessary, but having some protein element for her might really make a difference in her meal.

Xstatic3333 · November 2012

Lurker vegetarian here. I think you are in good shape, even if you don't do veggie stuffing. I am expecting much less from my FMIL, and am bringing many sides to make sure I have something to eat. That said, I love veggie stuffing with mushroom gravy! I would check with her before making a main course. To me, it would feel like an obligation because I love all the sides so much. Many vegetarians do like Tofurkey but not all. It's considerate that you checked on the lard in the pie crust, most people neglect that one!

xxstardust · November 2012

I really think that you are fine with the amount of food you're having - she'll have plenty to eat, even if nothing is *technically* a "main dish". Honestly, I eat meat and usually eat a meal of just the side dishes on Thanksgiving anyway, since I don't love turkey.

However, if you're looking to add a main dish - this mushroom cassserole (http://haverecipes-willcook.blogspot.com/2012/11/mushroom-casserole.html) is absolutely delicious. It's hearty enough to make a wonderful main dish, but also is a good (and different) side dish, so it's not so obviously the vegetarian dinner.

jessicabessica · November 2012

stardust & vonclancy, those casserole recipes look awesome, thanks for posting them! I am always looking for vegetarian casserole recipes that are somewhat healthy (i.e. not primarily cheese).

aro1589 · November 2012

I'm a vegetarian and I would love a Thanksgiving dinner with 9 sides! My aunt's thanksgiving dinner will probably just be mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans. i think you are preparing plenty of veg friendly foods!

lyndausvi · November 2012

I'm not vegetarian. However, we go out of our way to make sure our lone vegetarian as enough to eat when she comes to our home.

I'll be honest and say I would be miffed if she was upset because 1 out of the 10 sides she could not eat. I'm not sure about your family, but we have so many sides that even though the turkey is the highlight of the table, it's not always the highlight of people plates. Normally there is a piece or 2, but the rest of the plate is full of the sides. And the sides are the ones people go back for seconds. So at least in my family, the turkey is just nothing more than a side itself.

STAGE - I really don't agree with making the OP feel bad for not changing the stuffing recipe. I don't think because you have a vegetarian coming means all the other guests can longer have their own traditional stuffing. That's silly to me. Why stop at the stuffing, substitute the turkey for tofu? The fact that changing beef stock to veggie stock is easy doesn't matter to me. I just don't think it's necessary when there are many other options available.

sucrets4 · November 2012

As a former veg, I was perfectly happy eating sides, so that wouldn't be an issue for me.

You can always make separate stuffing - I used to make myself some Stove Top at my parents' house. It's not the same, but I liked it better than the regular stuffing anyway.

Why don't you just ask her about what she would eat? I was fine with all cheese and I would feel bad if you went totally out of your way to make special stuff for me if I would prefer to eat sides.

lyndausvi · November 2012

Stage - I think that when you have a holiday meal at someone else's home you risk not being able to eat a normally traditonal dishes because they might make it different. For example I do not eat stuffing with oysters. When I go to a friend's home I know I will not get stuffing that year because they make their stuffing with oysters. NBD, there are tons of other stuff I will eat.

I'm also the one who makes a stuffed turkey at home for leftovers. Leftovers are my favorite part of t-day. Eatting at someone's home means I don't get them. So I make it myself.

SachaBee · November 2012

I third (or fourth?) the notion that you should call her up and ask her, especially about the cheese and stuffing. I don't know many vegetarians who pay that much attention to their cheese. I'm sure some do, though, so it's worth asking. The same goes for stuffing--I eat meat, but I don't even like stuffing. For some people, though, it is more important than the turkey. So if she loves stuffing it might be worth it to substitute making veggie stock for one of the other side dishes. In general, though, it sounds like you are making enough food (and wonderful kinds), so this is just if you are really worried about those two items in particular.

MeredithAH · November 2012

WARNING: GROSS VEGGIE EXPLAINATION

The reason cheese can be a problem is rennet. Rennet, or enzymes as it is sometimes stated on ingredients lists, is enzymes produced in an animal’s stomach which are added to cheese. This can also take the form of an animal's intestines being either added to the cheese or being processed and the solution added to the cheese. If a cheese is vegetarian, it is because the manufacturer used vegetable rennet instead of animal rennet.

There are many cheeses that don't contain rennet. In addition to animal and vegetable rennet there is microbial rennet, which vegetarians can eat. Trader Joe's and Whole Foods are excellent resources for rennet free cheese. If you have an Islamic grocery store near you, they will probably carry non-animal rennet cheese because it is not halal.

As far as the turkey, why not get a tofurkey? In addition to providing your vegetarian guest with an option, you can make enough for everyone to try some.

Just be sure to clearly mark what is and isn’t vegetarian or else segregate it. After seeing all the work you did to make them comfortable I’m sure the vegetarian in your life will have something more to be thankful for this year.

http://cheese.joyousliving.com/
http://wholefoodsmarket.com/department/cheese
http://www.traderjoes.com/guides/rennet-test.asp
http://www.tofurky.com/

lyndausvi · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:ceb07fe6-1a69-4809-b04e-74e3b74ab1c7">Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties) : Lynda, you keep posting as if I, as a guest, expect this kind of treatment. I gave my opinion, as a HOST, as to what I would do. You disagree? Shiny. Disagree, that's fine. But that's how I was raised and how I do things, especially for holidays. As a guest, I can rarely eat a full meal at other's homes. I don't get mad at them or think badly of them, but I NEVER want someone in my home to enjoy themselves less than others because of dietary restrictions.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, as a host I would NOT change my normal stuffing that the rest of my guests like and are use to just because I have a vegetarian. I always go out of my way to make sure dietary restriction are taken care of, but even I have limits. (I also cook my stuffing in the turkey). As long as I have enough other options I'm don't see a need to change a recipe for one person.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm also married to a chef who can tell the difference between different stocks. Changing stocks can change the taste and some of the people we know will know the difference. </div>

DramaGeek · November 2012

The potential problem with "we have 9 veggie sides she can eat!" is that they may all be very basic side dishes. For instance, you've got a corn casserole, cooked carrots, green beans, a fruit salad...you get the picture. On the other hand, if you've got something heartier in there, and it sounds like you do, then I don't see a problem.

I've done the holiday meal where mashed potatoes were all I could eat. My MIL once invited us for dinner and then served shepherd's pie and wondered why I wasn't eating. So yes, 9 sides is great, but it's really helpful if it's a good mix of food in addition to just being veggie friendly.

VioletRays · November 2012

I did have FI e-mail her BF (I've never met her and FI does not have a direct contact).

Stage I didn't realize that the stuffing was such a huge deal. I will change it then, I was hoping to avoid it since making a good veggie stock does take time and I had already made several quarts of turkey stock.

Might just be freaking out now but what you said really got to me. I want to be as accommodating as possible to everyone, and almost half of our guests have at least one restriction. Do I omit all onions for the person who can't eat them? Make non-dairy mashed potatoes for the person who is lactose intolerant? And so on. I thought I was really doing well but now I'm worried. I'm hoping that this is just because its 1 am.

*edited for spelling & grammar

VioletRays · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:3736c873-06ee-4082-a9d2-770dca672d38">Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)</a>:
[QUOTE]The potential problem with "we have 9 veggie sides she can eat!" is that they may all be very basic side dishes. For instance, you've got a corn casserole, cooked carrots, green beans, a fruit salad...you get the picture. On the other hand, if you've got something heartier in there, and it sounds like you do, then I don't see a problem. I've done the holiday meal where mashed potatoes were all I could eat. My MIL once invited us for dinner and then served shepherd's pie and wondered why I wasn't eating. So yes, 9 sides is great, but it's really helpful if it's a good mix of food in addition to just being veggie friendly.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree this to me was a bigger deal than stuffing making it 10 as opposed to 9 sides it's still no real main dish.</div>

jessicabessica · November 2012

If you are going to make stuffing, I would just make a couple of ramekins of stuffing w/veggie stock for her (and I'd make an extra in case you get a surprise vegetarian). She will appreciate it and feel confident that you understand stock is not vegetarian, since you specifically made it different. Just use a prepared stock or bouillon (I love the Reppunzel vegan bouillon cubes for stuff like this). I know you said you make everything from scratch, but you have to let some things go when you are cooking for a larger group.

Simply Fated · November 2012

This is getting out of hand. I don't think the OP should make doubles and triples of each side dish with minor variances to accommodate every single guest. With 9 side dishes, guests can pick and choose what they like. As a host, you should always try to accommodate every guests, especially if a guest has an allergy. As a guest, you should eat what's put in front of you. As a kid I ate non kosher food and during my vegetarian phase I ate meat. I didn't want to hurt my host's feelings. The other alternative was staying home, which I could have done. I chose not to. By choosing to eat at someone else's house, you're choosing to eat the food they've prepared. These are grown adults that are refusing to eat meat. At other people's houses. On Thanksgiving. OP, do the best you can and the guest should do the same with the other, what, 7 side dishes. To reiterate, I definitely think a host should try to accommodate their guests, but once you have to start making more that 9 side dishes to please picky eaters, it's gone too far.

s-aries8990 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-thanksgiving-dinner-help-needed-especially-from-veggie-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9cf0cca-93d3-49c6-a55c-4c12eaf7862bPost:83cad647-515c-48f3-b2f9-398fd64a9f3e">Re:NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed especially from veggie knotties</a>:
[QUOTE]This is getting out of hand. I don't think the OP should make doubles and triples of each side dish with minor variances to accommodate every single guest. With 9 side dishes, guests can pick and choose what they like. <strong>As a host, you should always try to accommodate every guests, especially if a guest has an allergy. As a guest, you should eat what's put in front of you</strong>. As a kid I ate non kosher food and during my vegetarian phase I ate meat. I didn't want to hurt my host's feelings. The other alternative was staying home, which I could have done. I chose not to. By choosing to eat at someone else's house, you're choosing to eat the food they've prepared.<strong> These are grown adults</strong> that are refusing to eat meat. At other people's houses. On Thanksgiving. OP, do the best you can and the guest should do the same with the other, what, 7 side dishes. <strong>To reiterate, I definitely think a host should try to accommodate their guests, but once you have to start making more that 9 side dishes to please picky eaters, it's gone too far.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Ditto the majority of this.

When my Aunt hosts Thanksgiving she has a list of "What MAKES Thanksgiving for her guests"- for some it's not Thanksgiving without cornbread, or potatoes, or pork stuffing, etc. She makes one dish to accomodate each person's preferences- and she does it <em>her </em>way, not her son's wife's gramma's way...

While I agree that a hostess should do her best to accomodate everyone, I don't think that she should go completely out of her way to change all of her dishes. <strong>I think making a small box of stuffing with canned stock is the perfect remedy in this situation,</strong> but also, the veg's know this is a meat-centric holiday. It's not like they're expecting to be fully accomodated in a new situation, but a hostess should make sure they have several things to eat.

Maybe give her an email about what "makes" Thanksgiving it for her and supply her with that. Ask her! that's truly the best way to resolve the situation. She's an adult who made a choice to alter her diet, and although I disagree that she should feel as though she should eat meat because it was put in front of her, she should be thankful that you tried to accomodate her to the best of your ability, even if the dishes are things she doesn't prefer.

And a box of stouffers stuffing is like $1, so with a store-brand veggie stock that's like an extra $2 investment, which I think may be worth it in this situation.

NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)

Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)

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