Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!

Ebboogie · August 2012

Hello Ladies,I read just about all the post I could thing of regarding my two questions and I'm still unsure how to proceed. Im a December bride and I figured since this is the etiquette area this is the best place to ask my questions:

1) My FI and I have lived together for over 4 years and we really dont want to receive boxed gift or establish a registry; we would rather cash gifts. Im leary about asking for money and a part of me find it rude but when I proposed the idea many people were on board. Do you ladies have any advice?

2) I wanted to send each guest personalized Thank You cards once we recieve our weddings picture however my DIY invitation came with TY cards. I received a money request poem and I wanted to print it on the TY cards and send it with thin invitations. I thought that would be the best use for them, Do you ladies think this is a good idea?

Thanks for reading my request and I hope to hear from you soon!!

QueerFemme · August 2012

oh my.

loca4pook · August 2012

It's up tou you about the registry, but people will buy you gifts of their "own" liking which might lead to more of a headache for you in the end

Traditionally, people give gifts for showers so they will just be forced to pick on their ownthen... and in some areas...cash for weddings is traditional so you will likely get cash then anyhow

I am confused on question number two..not quite sure what you are asking

Ebboogie · August 2012

Thanks for responding!!

Sorry about the confusion but my 2nd question was to either print the money poem on the TY cards that came with the invitations (& mail them with invitation) or do I X out the idea? Since I recieved the cards with my kit I wanted to used them and thought it was a good idea to add the poem.

Here's the Poem:
 Over these past years you’ve seen our love grow
We share love and friendship and even a home
We have plenty of glasses, dishes and pots to make stew
We have linen, towels and toasters too
So if it doesn’t offend you or make you feel funny
May we suggest a gift of money
Money is easy and less of a pain
No registries to consult or gift receipt to obtain
We Thank you for your love and support in every way
And we appreciate you sharing in our very special day 

What you think?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ironing-out-my-confusion-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc77f4a8-56b2-4e98-ab48-079d0bd5a60fPost:b7a664c0-2133-492c-8b36-56a05c3a5b7a">Re: Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's up tou you about the registry, but people will buy you gifts of their "own" liking which might lead to more of a headache for you in the end Traditionally, people give gifts for showers so they will just be forced to pick on their ownthen... and in some areas...cash for weddings is traditional so you will likely get cash then anyhow I am confused on question number two..not quite sure what you are asking
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User] · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ironing-out-my-confusion-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc77f4a8-56b2-4e98-ab48-079d0bd5a60fPost:42cda1e0-35b4-4102-b28c-e5cd1461a6c4">Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ladies,I read just about all the post I could thing of regarding my two questions and I'm still unsure how to proceed. Im a December bride and I figured since this is the etiquette area this is the best place to ask my questions: 1) My FI and I have lived together for over 4 years and we really dont want to receive boxed gift or establish a registry; we would rather cash gifts. Im leary about asking for money and a part of me find it rude but when I proposed the idea many people were on board. Do you ladies have any advice? 2) I wanted to send each guest personalized Thank You cards once we recieve our weddings picture however my DIY invitation came with TY cards. I received a money request poem and I wanted to print it on the TY cards and send it with thin invitations. I thought that would be the best use for them, Do you ladies think this is a good idea? Thanks for reading my request and I hope to hear from you soon!!
Posted by Ebboogie[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1) Don't ask for money.</div><div>2) No.

</div>

emeejeeayen · August 2012

The poem is awful. Burn it.

Ebboogie · August 2012

Thanks for validating my thoughts ladies.

@emeejeeayen .. lol i didnt think it was that bad but thanks anyways

wrigleyville · August 2012

From the FAQ: "If you only want to receive cash gifts, don’t register. When people ask where you are registered, you can say, “We didn’t register because we are saving up for XYZ”."

If they ask your mother, she can say, "They aren't registering for gifts, but I do know they're saving up for XYZ."

Gift registry information should never be placed in the wedding invitation. Poems asking for money should be left out as well. If you don't register anywhere, your guests will get the hint. Most people give cash anyway.

wrigleyville · August 2012

I have no idea why the formatting is all messed up in my post. Sorry about that.

libby2483 · August 2012

PPs had good advice. It is never okay to ask for money, and gifts, monetary or otherwise, should never be mentioned in a wedding invitation. It is okay to not register and then mention you are saving up for X if someone asks. Not registering usually means foregoing showers, though, as these are gift giving events. Please don't use the poem. If I received something like that I would find it very tacky.

LeiselEB · August 2012

For the love of God, don't send that poem. Wrigley gave you some great advice. And for what it's worth, the first question pops up here all the time.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

Tack-o-rama!!! Never, never, ever ask for Cash!!!

Stackeye210 · August 2012

These specific questions have been asked like a billion and eight times, all with the same response. Not sure if you looked around how you still had a question on how to proceed. Anyways, please don't send the poem.

jessicabessica · August 2012

Graciously accept whatever gifts you receive. Don't include the poem. PPs gave you good advice about ways to hint to your guests you would like cash gifts, and many people give cash at weddings anyway and don't need a poem reminding them how much more convenient it is than a toaster.

On your TY note issue--I don't know how long it will take to get your personalized TY notes, but if it's going to delay getting your TY notes out, just send standard TY notes. You can always use photo cards as holiday cards.

Avion22 · August 2012

If you are leery about asking for money, and feel its a little bit rude, then just think of what your guests will think. Trust your gut on t his one --it's rude to ask for money. See, you already knew the answer:-)

LiLe422 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ironing-out-my-confusion-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc77f4a8-56b2-4e98-ab48-079d0bd5a60fPost:0c800de9-72f5-4ed6-a906-d66089c83695">Re: Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for responding!! Sorry about the confusion but my 2nd question was to either print the money poem on the TY cards that came with the invitations (& mail them with invitation) or do I X out the idea? Since I recieved the cards with my kit I wanted to used them and thought it was a good idea to add the poem. Here's the Poem: Over these past years you’ve seen our love grow We share love and friendship and even a home We have plenty of glasses, dishes and pots to make stew We have linen, towels and toasters too So if it doesn’t offend you or make you feel funny May we suggest a gift of money Money is easy and less of a pain No registries to consult or gift receipt to obtain We Thank you for your love and support in every way And we appreciate you sharing in our very special day What you think? In Response to Re: Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP! :
Posted by Ebboogie[/QUOTE]

I thinks its redic. I would be soooo put off if I received this poem. You should really re-think this and make use of the free cards in another way.

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

You really looked around and couldn't find an answer to this? Really?

Or... did you not like that the answer was "ohmygod, do NOT do this."

Gifts are up to the giver. Always have been. You have no right to dictate what they get you. At all. EVER.

lyndausvi · August 2012

That poem would NOT want me to give you money. Quite the opposite actually.

In my world showers are GIFT giving events, NOT money giving events. If you don't need any gifts, please decline any offers for a shower.

Finally, my DH and I were in our late 30's when we got married. Owned a home, blah, blah. And even lived in the islands so then only way to get to us was via airplane. Yet somehow we were able to find some physical gifts to registry for. Not a lot, but enough to give some people an option.

In the end we had 30 people at our shower. Some of the gifts were an awesome wine opener, a wine cooler, glasses, really good kitchen knives, etc. At our wedding we got a few gifts (picture frames, a vase), but most of the 147 guests gave us cash.

No stupid, offensive poem needed. A small registry will let people know you do not need much.

Ebboogie · August 2012

Good Day Everyone and Happy Friday, I want to thank everyone for their response and confirming and/or validating what I was already feeling. Receiving conflicting views on the topic was were the confusion initiated, my FI I have agreed to X the idea completely and where going to do a small registry and see where that takes us. I'm not sure what I plan to do with the TY cards just yet but I know I don't want them to go to waist. Someone mentioned the time frame of receiving the personalized cards and the photographer assured me that they will be available on 1/2/13 and my wedding is on 12/20/12, I thought that was quick with consideration the holidays.

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

That poem made me want to barf. Don't include it. PPs have given you excellent advice, you should follow it.

Ebboogie · August 2012

I loved your response.. Thanks.

Ebboogie · August 2012

I saw this in another forum and saved it.... Thanks a million!!

wrigleyville · August 2012

Do the cards say "thank you" on them? If not, you could always use them as an insert. Some people list hotel information, reception information, driving directions, etc on a separate card.

jessicabessica · August 2012

I think that time frame for the TY cards is ok, especially with the holidays (people may be out of town, etc.). If the cards just say thank you on them, I would save them to use as general TY notes (for birthday gifts, etc.). You could also use them for early gifts you receive.

LDubHawksFan · August 2012

It seems the registry was covered. We have most everything we need too, but are getting new towels, linens, etc since our mismatched ones are from out college days. Otherwise people will get the hint.

The poem is terrible. Do not include that. Was I the only one confused as to why you would include it in the Thank you though?? By that point people will have already figured out you didn't have a registry and probably bring a card to the reception/mail it with cash without asking for it in a tacky way. If you already have TY cards, just use them. I personally don't like the photo thank yous, unless you take the time to handwrite on the back. When couples just send a pic with a "Thank you" parasol with no really message, I find it very rude that they couldn't take the time to actually thank me for coming.

MoxieMickie · August 2012

In Response to Re:Ironing out my confusion Please HELP!:[QUOTE]Good Day Everyone and Happy Friday,

I want to thank everyone for their response and confirming and/or validating what I was already feeling.
Receiving conflicting views on the topic was were the confusion initiated, my FI I have agreed to X the idea completely and where going to do a small registry and see where that takes us.

I'm not sure what I plan to do with the TY cards just yet but I know I don't want them to go to waist. Someone mentioned the time frame of receiving the personalized cards and the photographer assured me that they will be available on 1/2/13 and my wedding is on 12/20/12, I thought that was quick with consideration the holidays. Posted by Ebboogie[/QUOTE]
Thanks for such a classy response.
It sounds like your tys cards are printable. You could do a generic Thank You covering or even use a nonpro pic. As pp have said, be sure to personalize the notes.

Ebboogie · August 2012

Yes the TY cards have TY printed on it already w/ silver stencil work that matches the invitations. I like your thought thanks for the creativity.

Ebboogie · August 2012

I considered including the poem in the TY cards b/c I didn't want to waist it not use them since i already had the personalized cards. The personalized TY was an added bonus by the photographer. Also I guess the personal TY is a matter of opinion, I didn't feel any type of way if I didn't get a TY card directed towards me nor did I consider it being rude. However I intended to thank everyone personally, which was my preference.

Ebboogie · August 2012

Yes the cards are printable but TY is already on the front. But i do like the nonpro pic idea too. Thanks again.

kaitpetry · August 2012

My Boy and I have been living together for a year now and we don't really need or want a bunch of home stuff, our plan is to register for a honeymoon from one of the great honeymoon websites. You can register for small things like "a glass of champagne at the hotel" or big things all the way up to your airfair.

I do agree that asking for money is a bit tacky, and you would not believe the pain in the ass of getting gifts with no reciepts that you do not want. (I've heard Wallmart takes everything back FYI). I would suggest that if you decide not to register for a honeymoon, that you still register with someone like HBC or Bed Bath and Beyond. You can put anything on your registry and you'll have a few years after your wedding to buy items you didnt recieve usually with a discount.

Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!

Re: Ironing out my confusion- Please HELP!

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