Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ring placement? jerky bride.

I recently went to a friend of the FI's wedding. The groom is the friend, and before the wedding I had maybe 3 conversations with the bride, and she was borderline rude and snooty for all 3 of them. Anyways, when they came to our table during the reception I said "congratulations" to her, which she quickly barked back with "that's what you say to the groom! You say 'best wishes' to the bride!" I kind of giggled and said, "you are right! Best wishes!" and then I asked about her ring. She had the wedding band ontop of the engagement ring (like she put eng. ring on first, then he slipped the band on) I know that is how it goes in the ceremony, but do you keep it like that the whole time? She of course told me that you keep it like that for the ceremony and change it when you leave, then snatched her hand away and never looked back.

So, I guess this post is really about...is that a thing? Every other bride I know has switched them right away for pictures and such. Maybe that is the "true tradition" but is it outdated like "best wishes?" Or is everyone I know as stupid as me?

And yes, I do know that it is proper to say best wishes to the bride and congrats to the groom, but she was an A hole about it, and no one else has ever reacted like that before!
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Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.

  • I had no idea about congrats vs. best wishes. I plan on wearing my e-ring on my right hand for the ceremony, then putting it on after I have the wedding band on first. I don't know what other people do, but I'm weird about not wearing my wedding band on top of my ering. I'm pretty adamant that I won't ever do it.
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  • i wore my e-ring on my pinky then put it on my ring ringer after the band was placed. 

  • I have never heard of the congrats vs. best wishes thing either, and I have been to a lot of weddings.  Whoops.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:841cbe97-18f4-4901-aa21-d93f3d371e95">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had no idea about congrats vs. best wishes. I plan on wearing my e-ring on my right hand for the ceremony, then putting it on after I have the wedding band on first. I don't know what other people do, but I'm weird about not wearing my wedding band on top of my ering. I'm pretty adamant that I won't ever do it.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    I agree!!!

    Some of this ettiquette thing is super lost on me, but I am going to wear my e-ring on my right hand and then after the cermony move it over to the left
  • While I do know the "best wishes vs. congratulations" thing (a) who the heck else knows it,and  (b) why would you correct someone saying something nice to you(?).
  • Yeah my mom and grandmother told me about the best wishes/congrats thing at my aunts wedding when I was younger, and mainly I have only heard older women talk about it. No one ever goes by that rule, she was just saying it because she apparently is a wedding snob, and when her sister (MOH) gave her speech she joked about the bride scaring off every other BF because she would cry that she wanted to get married, and basically planned her wedding before her DH came along..
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:841cbe97-18f4-4901-aa21-d93f3d371e95">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had no idea about congrats vs. best wishes. <strong>I plan on wearing my e-ring on my right hand for the ceremony, then putting it on after I have the wedding band on first.</strong> I don't know what other people do, but I'm weird about not wearing my wedding band on top of my ering. I'm pretty adamant that I won't ever do it.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    This. I thought that's what you were supposed to do? Everyone I've known has done it that way.
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  • I left my wedding band on top of my e-ring until we were in our car on the way to the reception, then I switched them.

    I didn't have my wedding band on at all for the vast majority of our photos, since we did everything prior to the ceremony.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:d221b310-3501-41ec-859b-501c86b98b51">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]While I do know the "best wishes vs. congratulations" thing (a) who the heck else knows it,and  (b) <strong>why would you correct someone saying something nice to you(?).</strong>
    Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly! She is such a weirdo, sorry I am happy for you on the most important day of your life...</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:cdbce45c-6046-4850-9c85-29039ce96f12">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring placement? jerky bride. : Exactly! She is such a weirdo, sorry I am happy for you on the most important day of your life...
    Posted by scurtis07[/QUOTE]

    Great Aunt Gertie:  Congratulations, MattsPenguin!  I'm so happy for you!

    Me: Sorry, Great Aunt Gertie, but you should actually say "best wishes".  Get it right or NO SOUP FOR YOU!!

    (<em>Get it right or pay the price!</em>  Name the Nickelodeon show!?!)
  • Some brides switch their e ring to the right hand and others leave it on and wear the w band on top of the e ring during ceremony/reception. Now that you posted this, I am undecided. Maybe will switch the e ring to the right hand during ceremony

  • I had the officiant incorporate J putting the ering back on my left finger into the ceremony. I blatantly "stole" it from Sucrets, and I think (correct me if I'm wrong) she got it from Tide maybe? I think parts of her ceremony were from several Knotties. I liked that, and it put the rings "in order."
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  • My rings are getting soldered, so, there's that.

    That bride sounds like a snot.  I've never heard of the best wishes/congrats thing either.
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  • AnysunriseAnysunrise member
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    edited August 2010
    I've never heard of the best wishes/congrats thing. I don't know why you'd insist on "best wishes" either, it sounds a little...I dunno, more pessimistic to me. Like "I wish you the best of luck, because you're going to need it" kind of thing.

    That's just me though.
  • That bride sounds like a snot.

    You should have said, "Right, since he won you I only wish him congratulations. Sorry, I forgot your place chattel."

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:12452603-07a7-4142-bcf5-4e4a044dfc45">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never heard of the best wishes/congrats thing. I don't know why you'd insist on "best wishes" either, it sounds a little...I dunno, more pessimistic to me. Like "I wish you the best of luck, because you're going to need it" kind of thing. That's just me though.
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    I think that is sort of the point.  Congratulations to the groom for marrying such a wonderful woman.  Best wishes to the bride to make it work.

    According to google, it is actually acceptable to say "best wishes" to both.  Maybe more in the fact that they wish you the best.  Also, it says that it's okay to say "congratulations" to the groom to imply that he "won" the bride as opposed to the bride "winning" the groom.

    If it's on the internet it must be true!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:d6d4675d-185a-43b3-9045-be3135b78988">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring placement? jerky bride. : I think that is sort of the point.  Congratulations to the groom for marrying such a wonderful woman.  Best wishes to the bride to make it work. According to google, it is actually acceptable to say "best wishes" to both.  Maybe more in the fact that they wish you the best.  Also, it says that it's okay to say "congratulations" to the groom to imply that he "won" the bride as opposed to the bride "winning" the groom. If it's on the internet it must be true!
    Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I assumed it dated back to when marriage was more of a business contract between families.
  • From what I've heard you're supposed to wear the band under the e-ring because it's closest to your heart. At least that's what my dad and sister said when I asked.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-placement-jerky-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62bd60eb-0236-40c3-b4b3-862a92181d07Post:aa83964b-dd7d-4a89-8e6a-6c668ea4fb8c">Re: Ring placement? jerky bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I left my wedding band on top of my e-ring until we were in our car on the way to the reception, then I switched them. I didn't have my wedding band on at all for the vast majority of our photos, since we did everything prior to the ceremony.
    Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

    Ditto on both accounts.
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  • She was being a jerk though.  I didn't know about "best wishes" until I was getting married myself and clearly no one cared! At least not enough to correct me on it.
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  • I wear my e-ring, then the wedding band.  It looks weird to me the other way, although I was, ahem, 'informed' this was not the right way during the reception.  By my mother, among other people.  I just don't care, to be honest.  I never heard the best wishes thing, though.
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  • True etiquette is being polite and gracious to those who wish you well. The rest is irrelevant.
  • Is she superstitious? It sounds like how you don't say 'good luck' to an actor, and you don't say Macbeth (you have to call it the Scottish Play).
  • The only other time I've hear the best wishes/ congratulations thing was a throw away line in a movie.  I think it was "In Her Shoes".  The bride in the movie corrected her ex-boyfriend at a party.  

    As for the ring, I think I will do the same as has been suggested above and wear my ring on my right hand for the ceremony.  I might end up with just my engagement ring though.  My engagement ring is technically a wedding band anyway. FI picked it because it is low profile and won't break my gloves at work (lab).
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring placement? jerky bride. :
    ( Get it right or pay the price!   Name the Nickelodeon show!?!)
    Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

    That would be Saulte Your Shorts!
  • Sad to say, the only reason I knew to say best wishes to the bride instead of congratulations was due to an episode of Gilmore Girls. Like many of the PPs, I had my engagement ring on my right hand and switched it over to my left hand right after the ceremony. It seems odd to me to ever have the band on top of the engagement ring for any extended length of time. It just looks weird.
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  • Good Lord, I only knew of the best wishes/congratulations deal because my grandma is super into proper etiquette. (Plus Emily corrected Luke on an episode of Gilmore Girls! LoL.) As for the rings, my father always told me to ear the e-ring on your ring finger and then switch the bands so the e-ring is on the outside after the ceremony. "It protects your marriage." -Dad
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  • I was going to just leave my e-ring on during the ceremony and switch it after, but my priest told me to put it on my right hand before the ceremony, so that is what I did.  I really don't think that matters too much, though.

    I have never in my life heard of the Best Wishes/Congratulations thing you speak of.
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  • I also learned about Best Wishes/Congratulations on Gilmore Girls.  Never encountered it IRL. 

    I plan to wear my E-ring on my right hand and then move it over after the ceremony. 
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  • WOW-- that's about all I can say for someone who's supposed to be celebrating one of the best days of their life. As for the congrats/best wishes-- never heard of it, and I certainly would bitch someone out who's congratulating me-- in whatever nice way they see fit. As for the ring-- based of my FI-- who sold jewelry and was in the wedding business for 10 years and all the research that the engagement ring is placed on the right hand before the ceremony (unless already attached to with the wedding band(s)) and then the wedding ring is placed on the hand during the ceremony and the engagement ring is then placed on top directly after the ceremony for pictures and life.
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