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Wedding Etiquette Forum
failed marriages
The son of a friend of mine got married back in Sept of 2009. Less than 6 months later, the bride decided she didn't want to be married to him anymore. She moved back home and get this, took up with her husbands' brother. Thats another story. My question is-is she obligated to send the gifts back??
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Re: failed marriages
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[QUOTE]Yes. They are suppose to send them back if they split within the first year of marriage.
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]
Really? I never knew this.
[QUOTE]Yes. They are suppose to send them back if they split within the first year of marriage.
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]
Where did you get this?
My understanding is that, if the wedding takes place, the couple is under no obligation to return gifts. Besides - would anyone want a blender that's been used for a year?
[QUOTE Besides - would anyone want a blender that's been used for a year?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
That's my question. The giver of the gidft couldn't return it anyway, so what would be the point?
[QUOTE]Yes. They are suppose to send them back if they split within the first year of marriage.
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]
But... presumably by six months they have used most of their wedding gifts, so what good is it to get them back?
Now, if it's a family heirloom of some sort, I'd understand, but... good luck getting the sheets back in the packaging.
ETA: some of that judging would be for the BIL, too, not just the wife.
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[QUOTE]Eh, I'd probably judge a little bit too if someone I knew left their husband of 6 months for her brother in law. I wouldn't expect (or want) to get my gift back, though. ETA: some of that judging would be for the BIL, too, not just the wife.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
True, but there are always two sides to every story. OP heard the story from the groom's mother - I'd take it with a grain of salt. Curious how OP said "is she obligated to give the gifts back" instead of "are they obligated".
I've always heard the rule of returning if the marriage lasts less than a year, too. Most people would say no, please keep the gift, but if it were me I'd make the effort to contact people to ask about returning it. One of my former roommates was married less than a year and did contact guests about returning gifts.
It doesn't sound like this girl would be too concerned about etiquette, though.
Though, I did take the afghan my mom made them. It's now in my guest room.
[QUOTE]My brother got cheated on after 14 months of marriage. I'm ticked that she kept what I gave them for their wedding. If anything, I would rather he have it then her. Though, I did take the afghan my mom made them. It's now in my guest room. :)
Posted by jlmarks83[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but that's inside the family. That's different, imo.
ETA: I guess I shouldn't say "in this situation" because for ANY wedding where it didn't last, I wouldn't want my used gift back.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
I've also always heard that if the wedding has taken place, they're not obligated to send gifts back - only if the wedding was called off and didn't happen do they return gifts. The whole "if it's less then a year" thing sounds completely stupid. For one, like everyone else said, who wants a used gift back?? Because 6 months is plenty of time to open boxes, throw the boxes out, and start using all the gifts! For two, most stores have 30/60/90 day return policies, and a lot of people either don't give gift receipts, or don't keep receipts - thus leaving them with a used gift they can't even return.
So, no, I don't think they should have to return any gifts... does it suck you bought them something nice and now they're not together, sure. But, I'm also sure one of them is keeping the item and will continue to use it. Just cut your losses and move on!
[QUOTE]You sure are judgy, OP.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
I'm going to have to agree with this. I doubt you know all the details of why they split.
On the positive side, only 3 more months and all most wedding gifts are mine for good!
[QUOTE]Yes. They are suppose to send them back if they split within the first year of marriage.
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]
I had always heard this too! (As though people get married as a sham just for the gifts and then get an annulment after loading up with stuff?) But other posters make good points - it might rub me the wrong way that I spent a good chunk of money to set the couple up for their new life together that lasted 6 months, but *I* don't need that toaster back.
ETA - maybe it has something to do with the "honeymoon" phase being about a year, and if you annul the marriage in that time all bets are off? Who knows.
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Why should he get all the gifts? She got married too. They were gifts for the couple. If anything, they should split them evenly.
[QUOTE]Isn't the whole idea behind "don't use gifts you receive pre-wedding until after you're married" so that if the wedding doesn't take place, the guests can return the gifts? That wouldn't be the case once they're used.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
Yes, BUT I think you could also look at it another way - traditionally, those gifts are for the bride and groom's new life together/to help set up their household. Back in the olden days, I suppose if the marriage didn't work out, the bride would be moving back home and the groom would be moving to his bachelor pad, so there wouldn't be a "new life" or "new home" to help set up anymore. But now... well, it's likely one or the other will keep the house or apartment.
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