Asking a cousin you've had a falling out with

ski43930 · March 2010

So I have this cousin who I actually used to be very close to, we were more like sisters than cousins. I was planning on asking her to be one of my bridesmaids but made the decision not to after she was extremely hateful to be about my wedding. She got upset because our wedding date is a week after hers (she is already married, we're not getting married until this December) even though she knows full well the reason we chose that date was because my fiance gradutes in December and we don't want to wait any longer than we have to. I think any engaged couple can relate to that! Anyway, she acted pretty hateful about it and we had a big falling out, and she never actually apologized for it. We haven't spoken in a few months up until recently. Now it looks like we are patching things up, and I kind of feel like maybe I would like to ask her. Is it to late to ask her and if not how do I ask her? I'm also worried if I do ask her that there will just be more drama to follow!

goheels05 · March 2010

I wouldn't. I don't really see the point.

stina93446 · March 2010

Ditto heels, I wouldn't ask her. If you're no longer close and neither of you are stepping forward to fix the relationship, it just sounds like a recipe for drama.

trix1223 · March 2010

Let me be sure I understand. She's already married, and doesn't think your wedding should be the same week as her anniversary? Really?

She sounds way too high maintenance for my taste. I'd include her as a guest and not worry about her making things more challenging for you.

I don't think I've ever read a post on this board by someone who said that asking a person who was a PITA before the wedding improved the relationship.

saxy414 · March 2010

I agree with PPs. If she's worried about your wedding being the same week as her anniversary and you had a falling out? No, thank you. Even if you think your relationship is somewhat on the mend recently, I'd still avoid it, just in case. If things are better closer to the wedding, and it's still important to you to include her, ask her to do a reading or something. Otherwise, include her as a guest and be done with it.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Don't ask her. Anyone who would flip out over you picking a wedding date the week after her anniversary date is already unstable. What is she, afraid that your wedding will overshadow the memory of hers?

It can take a long time to truly get over a falling out. A wedding can be like alcohol--magnify issues that were already there. I would hate for things to flare up again. I'd just make sure you hang out with her and take some photos with her at the wedding. The BM thing isn't quite as fun after you're already married, so I doubt she'd feel like she's missing out on something.

ski43930 · March 2010

I definitely see what all of you are saying. That is exactly what I'm afraid of! If I were to ask her then I can't "un-ask" her and I would always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her so as not to create another arguement. Thanks for the input!