What to do with bossy friends?!?

krause_33 · March 2010

After five years of being in a relationship, we finally got engaged. Although the wedding is in the far future we've been trying to figure details out such as our bridal party. My fiance has his three groomsmen choosen, (his brother, my brother, and a friend) but I have NO clue who to have in mine. However, the minute I told two of my friends I was engaged the one of them started making comments about what color dress she looks good in and inviting herself to come shopping with me for my wedding dress (which is going to be family only). I'm not sure if I want her in the wedding or not because shes bossy at times and just assumes she should be in there. I guess my question is what should I do...have her or not...and if I choose not to how to do I brake the news to her?!?!

Thanks for the help!

mbcdefg · March 2010

Only include her if you are very close to her and want to honor your friendship. Don't include her out of guilt, obligation or pity. If you have to ask if you should include her, then you probably shouldn't.

You don't have to break the news to her. Just ask who you want to ask and go ahead with your plans. Telling her, "You're not a bridesmaid" is cruel. If she asks, just say, "I already chose my bridal party" and let that be it. You shouldn't explain why she wasn't chosen.

Don't worry about a bridal party until later. You don't need to ask them more than about 10 months out, and ESPECIALLY since it seems that you probably don't have a definite date or locations set yet. Just tell people that you will decide on a bridal party later if they ask, and change the subject. Don't make any decisions or promises about your wedding party until about 10 months before the wedding.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

You have alot of time between now and Nov 2011 (the date in your bio) so you can be thinking about this but you don't need to actually be asking anyone right now. It's better not to ask too far out...wait until about 6-8 months before your wedding date to do so.

For now, just tell people who are pestering you about it "The wedding's still quite a ways off - it's too early for me to have made any decisions about the bridal party just yet!" And then change the subject.

lalap69 · March 2010

You are wayyyy too far away from your wedding to be worried about this right now. Wait until you're less than a year out. Your relationships could change a lot in that time.

Whenever anyone asks me about my wedding party I just laugh and say "Oh it's way too far away for that! What would they even do?"

suz62984 · March 2010

1) If she makes comments or asks about being in the WP just say "Oh I have tons of time to figure that stuff out. I haven't even thought about it" then bean dip her(change the subject)

2) You sound as if you are leaning more to the No side on her being in the WP. If this is true don't talk to her about why. Its like having a conversation about why she isn't good enough to be in the wedding. Go about planning the wedding and not sharing details with her. She will get the point.

3) If you do make her a BM set the tone upfront for her bossiness. Know what you want from your BM dresses before you enlist her help, etc.

emilyinchile · March 2010

If when the time comes you decide to include her, know that you're including her as she is. She'll still be bossy, so don't expect that the wedding fairy will change her into a perfect BM-bot. But if she's truly one of your best friends, that's not a reason not to ask her - you apparently like her despite this flaw, so that shouldn't change just because you're getting married.

If you don't ask her, you don't "break the news." DO NOT have a "why you're not a BM" conversation with anyone - that's rude and guarantees hurt feelings.

blackfire5th · March 2010

I'm thinking about calling MUD on this, it's a nice combo of some of the topics we've had over the last couple days.

ldmartin07 · April 2010

Ok, so this is a question, I swear I'm not trying to b e rude here. But what happens if she asks why she's not a BM? What are you supposed to say then?

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bossy-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:539d4778-6abc-49c8-97d1-fadc39d0da46Post:2881550d-9acb-4725-93d9-2c0df389b4af">Re: What to do with bossy friends?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so this is a question, I swear I'm not trying to b e rude here. But what happens if she asks why she's not a BM? What are you supposed to say then?
Posted by ldmartin07[/QUOTE]

"Well we couldn't include everyone we care about. Have you tried the bean dip?" ie. say the first sentence and change the subject. If she insists, say that you'd really rather not talk about it. Obviously she might still have hurt feelings, but at least this keeps you as the bride from being in the wrong.

WFH · April 2010

I suggest you not to ask them so far in advance.
Times change, relationships change, people move etc.
I think I made that mistake. At first it was okay, but after we delayed the wedding a year it has become more a burden to me. I don't want to engage that girl as a BM anymore, because our relationships arent as tight as before. Now I just dont have the heart and either cant do it, because the dresses are already being made.
It's easiest to ask them about 6-8months in advance, not a year and even more because of that

What to do with bossy friends?!?

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