Invited to a long distance wedding?

cfoley83 · December 2009

What is the etiqutte for wedding invitations? My FI and I were just invited to a wedding that is at least 5 hours away for someone whom we have never met. As far as I know it is not a large wedding nor a large budget wedding. I feel a little put off because it really seems like they are just asking for a gift. What is the etiquette, we will likely still send a gift so as not to appear rude, but am I now required to invite them to our intimate wedding? Also, what is the etiquette regarding inviting people who are distant in both geography and relationship?

cfoley83 · December 2009

By the way. I have been with my fiance for 3 years and was still invited as a 'and guest'? I may be overly sensitive but I can't understand why 'family' who wanted us at their wedding would add me as 'and guest.'

squirrly · December 2009

Your FI's family, I assume? Some people are honestly confused about the "and guest" thing. Since you've not met them, I wouldn't worry about it.

You are not obligated to send a gift.

You are not obligated to invite them to your wedding.

cfoley83 · December 2009

I'm sure you're right about the 'and guest.' I am just overly sensitive because mutual friends of ours still listed me as guest.

squirrly · December 2009

Some people really think that's more polite. There's a whole group of (confused) people that believe if you're not married, you're "and guest". I get being hurt, but let that pass. Assuming that they don't refuse to acknowledge your presence/existence when you're in the room, I bet they're just part of that confused group.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

Ditto S.

Perhaps they really wanted to include all of their family or perhaps they were just plugging for a gift. Only they know for sure. Either way, you don't have to do anything. It would be nice to send a card.

Lyss5782 · December 2009

FWIW, I invited all family, including some long-distance relatives of FI that I have never met. I did not do it for the gifts, just didn't want to leave anyone out.

I dont think you need to send a gift or invite them to yours, but I agree it would be nice to send a card.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

I think Miss Manners answered once, "If everyone invited to a wedding was obligated to send a gift, don't you think enterprising couples would start sending invitations to complete strangers?"

If your FI knows them, I'd get something small off their registry.

If they are inviting people in tiers (like, is this FI's cousin? Maybe they are inviting all cousins) it doesn't seem too strange. My dad has convinced me to invite his aunts and uncles to my out of state wedding. None of whom I've seen in 6+ years.

The "and guest" is an etiquette faux pas, but could just be cluelessness.

kmm2150 · December 2009

I think sometimes people do the "and guest" because they don't know how to address the invite to a couple that's not married....him first, her first, same address even if they don't live together....gets confusing, so its easier just to do "and guest." I know my mom was uncomfortable with all my invitations to couples with two last names (Bob Smith and Sue Jones, as opposed to Mr. and Mrs.. Bob Smith), even when I told her some of them were actually married but had just kept their last names.

On the family thing, if this is people neither of you has ever or probably will ever meet, there is no need to send anything - but a card would be nice. If it's family, though, that maybe the parents are close but the kids haven't met, you might send something small just to keep the peace and seem like you're interested in maintaining relationships with extended family. You might check with parents about what they're doing and see if you can put your names on a gift from them.

Invited to a long distance wedding?

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