HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!

Lechillura · February 2013

Ok I need to go to bed. I have a very early first fitting so don't want to show up with bags under my eyes.

I can try and be more creative with more sleep.

SlothGoals · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:38653058-a15f-4725-a442-f935718db374">Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!! : I don't think it is our screw up. I did check - I was told all I needed to do after was send an announcement. We spoke on the phone many times and they said they could not come and it wasn't possible. So I am trying to accomodate everyone. And fit the missing pieces and I will. When I asked about the etiquette - I had several people tell me that if I was told they would not come, and I sent an invitation to them I was fishing for a gift. So honestly - it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. For what it's worth - The cousins FYI weren't on any invitation list or facebook page and they are all adults and booked their flights as well. They weren't going to be invited at all. But since flights were booked, we have to make space. So I sorta think they did. My feelings, whether right or wrong.
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]<div>

<div>The cousins booking flights is in no way your problem. If they were not invited (ie: no STD, verbal, or formal invite) then you are well within your rights to let them know you cannot accommodate them.</div></div>

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:38653058-a15f-4725-a442-f935718db374">Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!! : I don't think it is our screw up. I did check -<strong> I was told all I needed to do after was send an announcement.</strong> We spoke on the phone many times and they said they could not come and it wasn't possible. So I am trying to accomodate everyone. And fit the missing pieces and I will. When I asked about the etiquette - I had several people tell me that if I was told they would not come, and I sent an invitation to them I was fishing for a gift. So honestly - it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. For what it's worth - The cousins FYI weren't on any invitation list or facebook page and they are all adults and booked their flights as well. They weren't going to be invited at all. But since flights were booked, we have to make space. So I sorta think they did. My feelings, whether right or wrong.
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]
You got some really bad advice. Obviously it was bad because it's biting you in the butt. An STD is telling the potential guest to save the date. If you don't invite them, then what did they save the date for? Plans change, things change. Awhile back they might not have been able to come, but now they can. Instead of being just thrilled, you're thrilled and stressed. This is why it was bad advice.
People were probably just telling you what they thought you wanted to hear or what they thought they knew was right. A lot of people think that some people must decline invitations, because what are the odds everyone can attend? But there are brides on here that can promise you that they recieved 100% yesses. It does happen, even when the guest originally thinks they can't attend.
You might not get 100% attendence, but it looks like you might not get enough people declining. Try changing your sweetheart table like pp suggested. Or shifting other tables around?
And what ever you do, after your wedding is over, please tell your co-ordnator that he or she gave you bad advice. Someone needs to speak up lol.

AddieCake · February 2013

Good thing I'm drunk b/c that is the only way I can make any kind of sense of this. OP, you need to make room for and accommodate everyone you invited in any way, shape, or form.

SlothGoals · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:918f8d43-a5a2-43f6-89ae-fde1ec92c390">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Good thing I'm drunk b/c that is the only way I can make any kind of sense of this. OP, you need to make room for and accommodate everyone you invited in any way, shape, or form.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahaha, Addie I think I have a girl-crush on you!</div>

coaweddings · February 2013

It's counterproductive to focus on how this situation occurred at this point. Let's just try to help fix it.

How big is the bar? Yes, I know it's in another room. What I was wondering is if you have any friends (especially friends that have said, "Let me know if there is something I can help you with." Or your friends who like bars and booze the most.) who would be willing to give up their table for the elderly aunts and cousins or whomever and eat at the bar. Tell them exactly what happened. They will commiserate with you and as long as they're together they'll have a blast sitting at the bar! Especially if they are single girls and the bar tender is a cute dude.

Do you have any kids coming? Can you put a "kids' table" near the dance floor? Put one on the dance floor if you're not going to have dancing during dinner. Hell, give 'em the empty dance floor, their own table and a few beach balls or something. If you're worried about putting the kids in an unsupervised room, hire a babysitter for them. I know it's another expense but it's better than some of the alternatives.

Is there someplace you can put a 24" round table and add three or four chairs? The rental company will tell you that no more than two will fit but you can get four to fit with minimal glassware and extra plates. I think I saw someone make this suggestion as well.

Does your fiance have a group of guy friends who are coming to support him but aren't big fans of formal sit down dinners? Would they be willing to give up a table in favor of eating at one of the stand up cocktail tables? Grab some bar stools (but not the ones from the actual bar because your girls are sitting on those) and they can talk about what they want to talk about outside on the beach (or patio or whaever.)

Your vendors don't eat with the guests. They eat in the kitchen or some other out of the way place. Typically where the venue's employees eat depending on the facility. But they absolutely do not eat with the guests. Unless they are friends of yours but in that case they are both a vendor and a guest. So whoever is telling you that you need to set a place for the photographer is mistaken. You need to provide meals for your vendors but not a tablecloth and a seat next to Grandma.

You can always PM me if you need more suggestions. I'm a wedding coordinator. If I were running a reception and was faced with your dilemma, the things I suggested would be among the things I would do. Without seeing the layout it's hard to think of more right now. And it is almost 1:00 AM here as well. But there is always a solution and determining whose fault the screw up is is never it. Good luck! You can do this and it will be fantastic!

SlothGoals · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:c7061194-0850-4596-9ed4-acfe65ef3165">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's counterproductive to focus on how this situation occurred at this point. Let's just try to help fix it. How big is the bar? Yes, I know it's in another room. What I was wondering is if you have any friends (especially friends that have said, "Let me know if there is something I can help you with." Or your friends who like bars and booze the most.) who would be willing to give up their table for the elderly aunts and cousins or whomever and eat at the bar. Tell them exactly what happened. They will commiserate with you and as long as they're together they'll have a blast sitting at the bar! <strong>Especially if they are single girls and the bar tender is a cute dude.</strong> Do you have any kids coming? Can you put a "kids' table" near the dance floor? Put one on the dance floor if you're not going to have dancing during dinner. Hell, give 'em the empty dance floor, their own table and a few beach balls or something. If you're worried about putting the kids in an unsupervised room, hire a babysitter for them. I know it's another expense but it's better than some of the alternatives. Is there someplace you can put a 24" round table and add three or four chairs? The rental company will tell you that no more than two will fit but you can get four to fit with minimal glassware and extra plates. I think I saw someone make this suggestion as well. Does your fiance have a group of guy friends who are coming to support him but aren't big fans of formal sit down dinners? Would they be willing to give up a table in favor of eating at one of the stand up cocktail tables? Grab some bar stools (but not the ones from the actual bar because your girls are sitting on those) and they can talk about what they want to talk about outside on the beach (or patio or whaever.) <strong>Your vendors don't eat with the guests. </strong>They eat in the kitchen or some other out of the way place. Typically where the venue's employees eat depending on the facility. But they absolutely do not eat with the guests. Unless they are friends of yours but in that case they are both a vendor and a guest. So whoever is telling you that you need to set a place for the photographer is mistaken. You need to provide meals for your vendors but not a tablecloth and a seat next to Grandma. You can always PM me if you need more suggestions.<strong> I'm a wedding coordinator.</strong> If I were running a reception and was faced with your dilemma, the things I suggested would be among the things I would do. Without seeing the layout it's hard to think of more right now. And it is almost 1:00 AM here as well. But there is always a solution and determining whose fault the screw up is is never it. Good luck! You can do this and it will be fantastic!
Posted by coaweddings[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sorry, vendors cannot post here. It's against the TOS you agreed to when you signed up. Also, you sound like a terrible wedding coordinator because the suggestions you're making all infringe on the comfort of other invited guests! You don't know if her guests will commiserate with her. If it were me and I was asked that I'd most likely just leave the reception. Why should OP punish other guests because she had some rude people (the cousins) decide to crash her wedding? There is so much wrong here that I can't even wrap my head around it.</div><div>
</div><div>To the bolded about the single girls and cute bartender who is a dude: how do you know that the single ladies are attracted to men? This is a schitty, sexist, blanket statement.</div><div>
</div><div>And to the bolded about where vendors eat: How is the photographer supposed to see/capture those awesome candid moments if they are in another room? A good wedding coordinator knows the importance of where the photographer is during the reception. They can't do their job if they're not where the guests are.

</div>

coaweddings · February 2013

In addition to being a terrible, sexist wedding planner, I'm also the mother of the bride. My daughter is getting married in July and were it not for that I would have no reason to be on The Knot, especially on the message boards. My suggestions may not be optimal but they do solve the problem and this is not an optimal situation. With each suggestion I made, I prefaced it with a question- do you have any girlfriends who? Any kids who could? I was not suggesting that this bride create as many uncomfortable seating arrangements as possible because that would be awesome! I was suggesting that she might have some understanding friends who would be willing to help her out of a tough spot. And, yes Krisbot, I certainly believe that if you were asked to do this, you would leave rather than be inconvenienced.

The photographer, like the musicians, takes a break to eat while there is a lull in activity and sometimes they have an assistant and they eat tag team. Providing them food is a courtesy and usually written into their contracts but they are not guests and the idea that they would be seated at guest tables is absurd.

Your guests are your family and friends. They love you and want you to have a great wedding and be happy on your wedding day. Finding a way to make room for everyone who is coming is a far more gracious thing to do than to stand on the principles of whose fault this is and sending elderly aunts away at the door.

As the mother of a bride-to-be, this is what I would tell my daughter.

Malaina9 · February 2013

I agree; We shouldn't be snarky. Planning a wedding that goes smoothly is stressful enough, let alone one with road bumps. And then add other, snarky brides..

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:5d7af8bb-1de0-4033-bb48-8f746acc531a">Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!! : Hmm help me out here. How did I poor plan? I planned for 100% I did not send an invitation to said aunts because they said for a whole year they could not make it. I planned CORRECT. They called and said they were coming today and booked flights. So once again - how did I NOT plan correctly? Please don't be snarky - I asked for advice. Be kind - I am in a dilemma and asking for help to work thru it. I asked, people answered, that is help.
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]

McRogol · February 2013

I hope you have found a solution to your problem. I think uninviting someone who not be the way to go...

A PP mentioned changing your sweetheart table to one that accomodates 4-6 people. I second this idea. You and FI can dit with close friends or parents, opening space up at other tables.

Best of luck to you - I hope you;re able to make it work without hurting anyone's feelings!

rachelm13 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:918f8d43-a5a2-43f6-89ae-fde1ec92c390">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Good thing I'm drunk b/c that is the only way I can make any kind of sense of this.

OP, you need to make room for and accommodate everyone you invited in any way, shape, or form.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Ahahahahaha. I was just thinking, "what kind of fuuuuckery is this"? No brainer: invitation = seat.

and I am hungover.

arendiva · February 2013

Ok I get that you can't fit extra tables in the room. But is there any room to upgrade one of the tables. Some rounds can seat up to 10 people. Sure it might look a little strange to have one table that's a different size but I think that would be a far lesser evil.

SlothGoals · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:a4f0c186-4316-4cb7-92dd-53cc9b58ca1a">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In addition to being a terrible, sexist wedding planner, I'm also the mother of the bride. My daughter is getting married in July and were it not for that I would have no reason to be on The Knot, especially on the message boards. My suggestions may not be optimal but they do solve the problem and this is not an optimal situation. With each suggestion I made, I prefaced it with a question- do you have any girlfriends who? Any kids who could? I was not suggesting that this bride create as many uncomfortable seating arrangements as possible because that would be awesome! I was suggesting that she might have some understanding friends who would be willing to help her out of a tough spot. And, yes Krisbot, I certainly believe that if you were asked to do this, you would leave rather than be inconvenienced. The photographer, like the musicians, takes a break to eat while there is a lull in activity and sometimes they have an assistant and they eat tag team. Providing them food is a courtesy and usually written into their contracts but they are not guests and the idea that they would be seated at guest tables is absurd. Your guests are your family and friends. They love you and want you to have a great wedding and be happy on your wedding day. Finding a way to make room for everyone who is coming is a far more gracious thing to do than to stand on the principles of whose fault this is and sending elderly aunts away at the door. As the mother of a bride-to-be, this is what I would tell my daughter.
Posted by coaweddings[/QUOTE]

<div>You should have presented yourself as a MOB rather than a coordinator then. It's standard practice around here to inform vendors that they are not allowed to post. Easy fix.</div><div>
</div><div>If you read the whole thread, once it was figured out that OP's FI would not tell people that they could not be accommodated I offered some suggestions that did not involve seating guests away from other guests. I don't think that this OP would do something like what you are suggesting because so far she seems like she wants to accommodate everyone properly. </div>

Summer2011Bride · February 2013

OP You must accommodate all these people period. They were all invited whether or not you actually sent an invitation. You received poor advice from whoever you asked in regards to the aunt's situation. If you give someone an STD that automatically equals an invitation, even if they say at first they can't make it.

The one person who you COULD not include is co-worker's guest as she wasn't invited to begin with. That is the only person in this whole situation who could be left out.

Otherwise, you must accommodate all these people and PPs have given some excellent suggestions on how to do that.

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:e8c35bf7-470e-4bab-a4d2-a9d5ce35712b">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!! : Hahaha, Addie I think I have a girl-crush on you!
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

<div>Woot! </div>

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:62695ed9-32ec-4711-ab41-5c51fc278d29">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!! : Tee hee .. I had some wine, too. And I'd love to drink w you Addie!
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>I just keep winning!</div>

bridalmarch · February 2013

"pre-RSVP" sounds suspiciously like "B-list"

Also, is this Facebook group your wedding website or just something you made? That seems really, really weird to me. I don't need a FB page for a wedding. With all the ohter junk on my feed, any info posted there would probably be lost anyway.

The idea to add another round table for 7 in place of the sweetheart is the best I've seen.

lyndausvi · February 2013

For future brides:

There is no such thing as a Pre-RSVP.

Any person you send a STD to must be invited. Even if they said they can't attend when the STD comes out. Plans change. Only the invite RSVP counts.

Always expect 100% acceptance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I also agree that you could tell the cousins they were not invited. However, since the aunts are elderly and sick, I'm sure the cousins are coming as caretakers so-to-speak. When you have OOT elderly people caretakers should be taken into consideration.

Sorry bad advice got you into this situation. I also agree with getting rid of the SH and sitting with other guests is your best bet.

Also an entire room of tables of 7 are just strange to me. Do you really have that many non-couples that gives you an odd amont of people? Don't get me wrong, I had some odd number tables. But not the entire room. I would change your chairs to have 8 people. People don't remember chairs, so I would not worry about covers. The room will be crowded enought that people will not even notice them.

saric83 · February 2013

Before doing anything else, have your FI call co-worker to let them know that unfortunately, there's no way you guys can accomodate +1 as they weren't invited with one due to space restrictions.

The co-worker may very well decide not to attend at all rather than attend by themselves. So maybe wait to see if that happens.

And if it doesn't, then start checking into those other options (changing sweetheart table, adding in one table of 10, kids on a kids table on the dance floor, etc.)

MsYeck · February 2013

You mentioned that if you switch to another form of chair and did chair covers you could fit 8 people at a table. I would recommend that you buy the 77(?) chair covers from linentablecloth.com with discount code newsletter15 for roughly $131 to add those extra seats. Yeah it is a pain and expense but considering you ultimately did over invite it is a relatively small price to pay.

Loopyseven · February 2013

I don't understand how disinviting one person frees up space for the 5 aunts and cousins.

If it's a matter of chairs to fit extras at the tables, I would do that. Sitting with your BFF's or parents instead of a sweetheart table is also an awesome idea.

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

OP - your best bet as some PP mentioned is to ditch the sweetheart table. Make a table of 6 and have your MOH & BM plus their SOs sit with you and FI. That frees up space at the tables where your MOH & BM were going to sit.

Is there any way that you could ditch some or all of the tables that seat 7 and get tables that seat 12. You would have less tables that way.

nextrightthing · February 2013

1. Tell coworker her friend cannot come because you don't have the space to accommodate people who weren't invited
2. Tell cousins they can't come for the same reason
3. Nix sweetheart table, sit with your families or BP.
4. If this still doesn't create enough room, here are some other options:
a. Tables on dance floor, make dance floor smaller
b. Serve food outside the room, make more room for tables
c. Consider different shaped tables (e.g. long rectangle tables)

It isn't too late to rent chair covers or change the type of tables.

The last option is to disinvite the coworker, which probably will involve fallout despite what you say. At the very least, people your FI works with will be talking about how rude you guys are.

I agree with PP that there is no such thing as a "pre-rsvp," and you shouldn't have not sent the relatives an invite if they got a STD. Also, the entire FB thing is a bad idea, imo.
Edit: move the chef's station into the room with the fireplace, bar, etc. Or move it into a hallway. Or move it onto the deck. Move it somewhere.

MsYeck · February 2013

You can order additional li end and get them delivered within a week with free shipping so it is not to late to order them.

loca4pook · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:c65c28d8-ca44-4c02-9b5f-827a0a7bea4f">HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So initially when we created our guest list, it was MONTHS ago. My fiance gave me two of his coworkers he thought he wanted to invite. Not super close but he threw them on the list. Biggest mistake: I put them on the Facebook wedding page we have which is private for attendees. Fast forward to now. We have a SMALL hall with a tight amount of space and a limited headcount. We are at capacity. So his two aunts and cousins who were not coming, are now coming and booked flights. They were adament about not being able to come. So now we are in a dilemma. So last night at one of his work mixers, one of the co-workers says she booked her hotel. (FYI fully refundable up until 2 days before). When we were initially inviting her, we stated HOW TIGHT it was and since she was not in any relationship unfortunately she could not bring someone. So last night she randomly says: "I don't want to be in the big room alone so I am bringing so and so to your wedding. So and So is some random chick that fiance works with and he doesn't even like this woman. I was taken aback. So now today - aunts call and state they are coming so honestly we have to make some cuts. We did not expect to make cuts but honestly family is more of a priority than a couple of his co-workers. But - is this the ultimate taboo?? To tell a guest that they are unfortunately uninvited because we are at capacity??? He plans on doing it but I didn't know what the etiquette is on this?? I mean I know it's BAD etiquette but I am going to bridal hell for this???
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]

It would be beyond rude. You simply should not do it. You can stick firm about the lack of plus one, but you clearly gave her the indication she was going to be invited so you must stick to it

Gustafson28 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:cc7b1244-71d8-4a4f-9794-7f7e0cafad41">Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!! : Funny - because I asked a ton of brides, my coordinator, etc.. and they all said: If you are told that person is not coming, you do not need to formally send an invitation. So you know what - I did it as correct as I was guided. I guess the etiquette board is just as confused because I was told I was A-Ok.
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]

Well maybe you should get your coordinator, other brides, etc to help you out because you are in this situation because of their CORRECT advice. We must be super confused.. Oh well.

jennyd412 · February 2013

FI tells cousins they are not invited and tells co-worker no plus 1. That's the solution.

nextrightthing · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:21abfe3d-cc3a-458c-b921-0bde93f01492">Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HUGE dilemma Need advice!!: the coworker was invited. Do not uninvite him/ her. Period. FI will see this person at work daily and it will make things very awkward
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I agree. I'm just saying that would be the last thing to do. I wouldn't consider it an option, but she won't spontaneously combust if she does, she'll just be the biggest jerk ever.

lauraanne9 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:72e113a5-60c4-4a2e-b8ab-a514cd3d6b37">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!! : OMG - I DIDN'T Please - how many times do I need to say this. I didn't send the aunts an invitation. They said for a YEAR they weren't coming. Now - SURPRISEEEEEE! FH insists they come now because they helped raise him. So I am the lucky one trying to be creative.
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE
<div>
</div><div>These are the uninvited guests. They were not coming, they said no, and you did not factor them in. If anyone is in the wrong and needs to be told there is no room to accommodate them, it is the people who were not invited. So, the aunts and the co-worker's +1are cut. Problem solved. They said they were not coming, you planned accordingly and did not invite them. They are the problem.</div>

LDubHawksFan · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24f7d35-bd77-4032-ba71-cbbbc1811391Post:d05ab93f-eab8-492d-95fc-962fb532d0f9">Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!! : Sorry, vendors cannot post here. It's against the TOS you agreed to when you signed up. Also, you sound like a terrible wedding coordinator because the suggestions you're making all infringe on the comfort of other invited guests! You don't know if her guests will commiserate with her. If it were me and I was asked that I'd most likely just leave the reception. Why should OP punish other guests because she had some rude people (the cousins) decide to crash her wedding? There is so much wrong here that I can't even wrap my head around it. To the bolded about the single girls and cute bartender who is a dude: how do you know that the single ladies are attracted to men? This is a schitty, sexist, blanket statement. And to the bolded about where vendors eat: How is the photographer supposed to see/capture those awesome candid moments if they are in another room? A good wedding coordinator knows the importance of where the photographer is during the reception. They can't do their job if they're not where the guests are.
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

Krist has a good point about the photog sitting in another room. My coordinator insisted that they should sit in an adjacent room, so I let it slide, and my photographer said that he and the assistant wouldn't eat at the same time, so nothing would be missed. What do you know, they did, and it was during one of the silly DJ games where some of our guests were dancing up a storm. I wish I had pictures of my aunt cutting a rug, but I don't because they were in another room.

OP, we went to a wedding where our friends sat at a table with their parents and MOH/BM, and it was really nice. I think this is your best option since you are so adament about not having 8 at a table or adding another table in one of the "rooms" even though it is an open hall. Your aunts weren't in the wrong, because you <em>did</em> invite them via STD. Your cousins were wrong since they weren't invited, but since the are traveling via air, I would accomodate them. Your coworker was wrong to add a +1, and you should tell her that it can't be accomodated. Good luck.

HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!

Re: HUGE dilemma - Need advice!!

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