Cutoff on +1 for relationships

tkddddddddd · June 2012

We're doing hella budget and our event involves a little but of travel from our city center (only about an hour or so by public transportation - common for here). All of our guests know each other. We're money limited like woah so we've been planning for exactly as many guest as we are inviting in terms of budgeting.

When we sent STD, a friend was single. When we printed invites last month, said friend was still single. Now....we're working on mailing out invites. Said friend is dating someone.

Does she get a +1? I just am not sure where the cutoff is in terms of dating someone. The relationship is new but it isn't my place to judge the "depth" of it obviously but the invites are printed and I don't want to look foolish sending her an invite for just her if it should be her + brand new SO.

Thanks for the help!

SB1512 · June 2012

Since you know about her SO before you mail the invite they should be invited togethert. If she had informed you of a new boyfriend after invites had already gone out you wouldn't necessarily have to invite the SO but if you had the money and space it would be nice to make the accomodation.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

Include him.

THere's a good chance that at least one person whom you're currently counting in the budget will RSVP no so it will all come out in the wash.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:f9da1be7-a75e-4f37-9a5c-60bfee8a61b4">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get the people who don't leave a margin for guests who might start relationships after the guest list is made. The only people who I definitely counted as single were my widowed grandfathers (who aren't exactly out painting the town red) and our priest. Anyone else is fair game.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Ditto. We budgeted in pairs, JIC.

angelsong21 · June 2012

Yes, boyfriend needs to be invited. If you have only one invite left (it sounds like you may have ordered the exact # you needed, though I'm not entirely sure), just address it to both friend and b/f.

SB1512 · June 2012

I'm giving all my single guests a +1, but there are some people who can't afford it and don't necessarily plan for singles to enter relationships, especially if the engagement to wedding period is extremely short.

Meegles4 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:027ca5a9-7240-420f-9492-fc2b69a17bb1">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Include him. THere's a good chance that at least one person whom you're currently counting in the budget will RSVP no so it will all come out in the wash.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

This. Also, what Eagles said about budgeting in pairs.

AmoLovesAud · June 2012

I don't know about PPs, but if I was in a fairly new relationship (< 2 months) and I was suddenly invited to a stranger's wedding by name, I'd be kind of weirded out (b/c to me, SO = name on invite, maybe I'm reading responses wrong, though). I think you should give your friend a +1 if the budget allows, though.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:bd9cebd7-c0db-4813-9bf3-295f91e33e42">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm giving all my single guests a +1, but there are some people who can't afford it and don't necessarily plan for singles to enter relationships, especially if the engagement to wedding period is extremely short.
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

Depends on how many singles you're talking about. We had a 4 month engagement and 6 single guests (we're older so most of our friends were already married) so we just counted those 6 as 12 from the beginning because we were living proof that someone could go from truly single to serious relationship or even engagment during a short period of time.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:4a220f3a-8ea0-43d3-886e-4f3d8165361e">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know about PPs, but if I was in a fairly new relationship (< 2 months) and I was suddenly invited to a stranger's wedding by name , <strong>I'd be kind of weirded ou</strong>t (b/c to me, SO = name on invite, maybe I'm reading responses wrong, though). I think you should give your friend a +1 if the budget allows, though.
Posted by AmoLovesAud[/QUOTE]

I don't understand. You would be weired out because your BF/GF's friends acknowledged your relationship by inviting you by name to their wedding?

ajmom2two · June 2012

I would invite her boyfriend. We planned on +1 ones for all our single friends so we invited less people to make our budget work. A couple of them are not bringing anyone and some are. I guess I feel like for the reception you should plan/budget based on letting your guests bring a date for their enjoyment.

AmoLovesAud · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:1da5b12c-cca3-4cf4-957a-9509d98ab205">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships : I don't understand. You would be weired out because your BF/GF's friends acknowledged your relationship by inviting you by name to their wedding?
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

In an extremely new, not-serious-yet-just-figuring-out-if-I-like-you relationship, and like I said, they were total strangers? Yes, I'd expect to be considered a +1. But then again, in my social circle relationships aren't really acknowleded until there's some sort of "seriousness" ie long-term dating, living together, or engagement. We have several serial-daters within my family and friends, so to welcome each one in would be silly. My family didn't even acknowledge my relationship to FI until we were engaged, even though we dated for 8+ years and lived together for 2.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

Oh, now I see where you are coming from. We were talking about serious relationships that are serious from the first date, like the "we just knew" couples. If the B&G put your name on the invitation, it's a nice acknowledgement of your relationship (assuming they knew that you were an exclusive couple). If you were just casually hanging out with someone and not exclusive, then yeah, being a +1 is expected.

polichik · June 2012

Eagles, you just got major points for using the phrases "gentleman caller" and "paint the town red" in the same thread. Well done.

SB1512 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:ad7e0a12-0e78-45eb-868a-5ea58b6ed2d6">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships : Depends on how many singles you're talking about. We had a 4 month engagement and 6 single guests (we're older so most of our friends were already married) so we just counted those 6 as 12 from the beginning because we were living proof that someone could go from truly single to serious relationship or even engagment during a short period of time.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I had a friend marry right before our senior year of college began and when invites went out there were 20 single guests. The couple didn't have the budget for an additional 20 people so all the singles got a single invite. I think there were 3 or 4 that then were dating someone in between receiving the invite and the wedding day and those guests were accommodated.

Maggie0829 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutoff-on-1-for-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98856aa4-4b38-4cb1-b6d5-6a979736946aPost:f9da1be7-a75e-4f37-9a5c-60bfee8a61b4">Re: Cutoff on +1 for relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get the people who don't leave a margin for guests who might start relationships after the guest list is made. The only people who I definitely counted as single were my widowed grandfathers (who aren't exactly out painting the town red) and our priest. Anyone else is fair game.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

This is why I just gave every single adult guest a +1. I figured that if they started a relationship after invites went out then they were able to bring said person without me having to do any finagling, but if they decided they didn't want to bring anyone or couldn't find a date then all the better for my budget.

I understand that not everyone is able to do this because of budget and such but this just worked for us.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

One thing to keep in mind- just b/c someone is invited with a +1 doesn't mean they will actually bring someone. Some single people prefer to go a wedding alone to perhaps maybe meet other singles. It HAS happened.

NurseLily · June 2012

Three years ago I was a MOH for someone and I had started dating my boyfriend about 4 months before her wedding and I had to squeeze the plus one out of her and she even made a snarky remark about how we'd break up... well 3.5 years later we're engaged- so maybe this person will be more important later, you know?

Cutoff on +1 for relationships

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