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Asking a cousin

MAH87MAH87 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hey there!
I recently got engaged, am trying to plan a wedding, and I have a basic idea of who I want to ask to be bridesmaids in my wedding. On my Mom's side, I have three girl cousins, who are all similar in age to me (one is the same age as me, and the other two are a couple years younger...I'm 21). Anyway, I am close to my one cousin, and I've always wanted her to be in my wedding, but my Mom says I shouldn't ask one cousin without asking the other two.

Did anyone else have this problem before? I don't want to hurt the others feelings, so I may nix the cousin idea and have friends and my future sister-in-law only, I just thought I'd ask before coming to any conclusions.

Thanks a lot :)
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Re: Asking a cousin

  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your wedding isn't until 2012?  Wait at least a year before you even start thinking about your bridal party.
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  • MAH87MAH87 member
    First Comment
    it had me enter a random date...no clue when it is yet, more than likey not that late.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Then you definitely need to wait.  Set a date first, then worry about your wedding party.
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    You don't need to ask a bridal party really any earlier than about 6 months before the wedding.  Tons of brides have made mistakes asking the wedding party too early.
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2010
    Waiting until closer to the wedding is good advice.  I wish I had!  In GENERAL, I'd say if you're significantly closer to one cousin than to the other two, then it it's fine to ask her to be a bridesmaid without also asking her sisters.

    However, in your case: if the cousins are younger -- and it sounds like they are -- then they MIGHT not be as understanding about the choice as an adult would be. It's hard to offer specific advice without knowing them. You could consider asking the cousin with whom you have a more personal relationship to do a reading at the ceremony.  (Just don't make the younger two guestbook attendants! ;))
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Well, you can't ask people to commit to a date when you can't tell them what it is.  What if they agree to be in the wedding, then you set a date on which they have a previous commitment?

    Date first.  Wedding party later.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Ditto the PPs, don't put the cart before the horse. Set your date. Wait until you're about 6-9 months away from the date. Then ask people to be in your BP.

    Trust me, as exciting as being engaged is and you can't wait to do this, you'll be so much happier if you wait. And when the time comes, ask the people you absolutely cannot imagine getting married without them standing up their with you.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Not an exact answer to your question, but I echo the other posters who said to wait.  There just isn't anything for a WP to do more than 6-8 months before a wedding anyway.  They'll get "weddinged out" and you'll avoid potential drama.

    You might also have a clearer picture of who your WP should be ini 18 months.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    I ditto the other ladies in waiting (its easier to wait and know for sure, then ask and regret later). To answer your question about asking one and not the others. When my cousin got married my sister was asked to be a bridesmaid but I was not, I was in high school and really for how close are family is I was not bummed because I knew my sister and cousin are A LOT closer than I am with my cousin. My cousin did ask if I would like to play for her wedding and I was thrilled (also nervous, practiced until I memorized the sheet music). So I guess it may depend on how level headed your cousins are, I would hope they would understand that some people's relationships are closer than others, but if anything you could have them do a reading or if they have a musical background ask if they would like to play/sing.
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  • merivale87merivale87 member
    100 Comments
    As somebody who chose her wedding party 2 years before the wedding, I totally agree with the other posts. Just wait and think about it. I was very close to all 3 of my BM choices 2 years ago, however now I feel that the only reason I am still friends with 1 or 2 of them is because they feel obligated to be my friend because of the wedding. There hasn't been any drama, but you don't want to feel like the wrong people are standing with you on your day. They should be the people you love and are closest to :-)
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