Fiance in Law School

emeejeeayen · July 2012

My fiance starts law school in DC in September. We haven't decided when I'm moving there, but probably before December. Basically, I'll move once (if?) I get a job out there.

Anyone out there in Knot cyberspace in law school or have a husband/fiance in law school? Curious to see what the experience will be

egeurts · July 2012

My husband is in law school. I only have one piece of advice: Avoid him during finals.

emeejeeayen · July 2012

HAHAHA so we shouldn't plan the wedding for right in the middle of finals? :P (kiiiidding!)

Can I ask if you/your husband moved for law school? (Thus creating the need to form new social circles.)

I think my biggest concern is that many people report law school being a bit like private high school in that it's competitive, cliquey and big on huge parties after major exams. We're sort of over that phase of our lives (I mean, right?) so I'm curious what my fiance's (and thus my) new social circle will look like. Fingers crossed that he meets doods with gfs/fiances/wives rather than single wanna-be-frat guys? $:\$

sarahdactyI · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_fiance-in-law-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:d1560415-727a-4c0b-bcc9-7e1d8dd0b68aPost:f3acc3a3-85cc-4052-8f02-342d956ab665">Re: Fiance in Law School</a>:
[QUOTE]HAHAHA so we shouldn't plan the wedding for right in the middle of finals? :P (kiiiidding!) Can I ask if you/your husband moved for law school? (Thus creating the need to form new social circles.) I think my biggest concern is that many people report law school being a bit like private high school in that it's competitive, cliquey and big on huge parties after major exams. We're sort of over that phase of our lives (I mean, right ?) so I'm curious what my fiance's (and thus my) new social circle will look like. <strong>Fingers crossed that he meets doods with gfs/fiances/wives rather than single wanna-be-frat guys? :\</strong>
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

<div>YGPM!! </div><div>
</div><div>:) My experience is that this is what happens, though. Single people tend to find each other 1L year, and the committed people tend to find other committed-people to hang out with... </div>

blueobsidian · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_fiance-in-law-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:d1560415-727a-4c0b-bcc9-7e1d8dd0b68aPost:2a1793e7-f365-4ff6-a260-44022e54f856">Re: Fiance in Law School</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance in Law School : YGPM!! :) My experience is that this is what happens, though. Single people tend to find each other 1L year, and the committed people tend to find other committed-people to hang out with...
Posted by sarahdactyI[/QUOTE]

This is what happened at my school as well. There were plenty of married folks (or singles who were past the party hard phase of life) and they got to know each other. In fact, one of them actually started a group for the spouses of law students, so they could get to know each other better.

calliopeia2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_fiance-in-law-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:d1560415-727a-4c0b-bcc9-7e1d8dd0b68aPost:2a1793e7-f365-4ff6-a260-44022e54f856">Re: Fiance in Law School</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance in Law School : YGPM!! :) My experience is that this is what happens, though. Single people tend to find each other 1L year, and the committed people tend to find other committed-people to hang out with...
Posted by sarahdactyI[/QUOTE]

Concurring. There was always a committed-people-crowd and a crazy singles crowd when I was in law school. They even overlapped sometimes if you want to go to a crazy party or two. You'll be fine.

My FI and I were in law school together, so my experience was obviously very different than yours will be, but FWIW, it can be tough for spouses to integrate themselves into the law school social circle. I really think the key is just to believe that you're just as much a part of the group as the law students are, and act accordingly!

egeurts · July 2012

I can't give any advice with the cliquey aspect- our marriage will be long-distance during the school year and was long distance last year (we've only been married a month), so he always hangs out with the single-people crowd.

ETA: and by "single-people" crowd, upon reflection, most of them are in solid relationships, but not engaged or married. So I guess they aren't really the "frat boy party types", but just not as serious as we are.

emeejeeayen · July 2012

This makes me feel hopeful! I won't know anyone in DC, and although I'm sure I'll meet people through work, I'm glad that there's a reasonable expectation of (uh, what do I call them?) serious couples that I might meet through my fiance.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

More than anything else, be prepared to be put on the back burner from now until after he sits for the bar exam. I am convinced that the reason DH and I did not break up while I was in law school is because he was a travelling consultant those years and we only saw eachother on weekends - and some weekends I was kicking him out for guy friends time because i neeeded to study or work on something for Moot Court.

Also, understand that he won't be at home most of the time. He will be in the library studying or at socials that the school hosts (usually part of a CLE lecture) that will allow him to meet local attorneys.

emeejeeayen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_fiance-in-law-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:d1560415-727a-4c0b-bcc9-7e1d8dd0b68aPost:53ae383e-d275-463c-b58c-cd2c2cb1d065">Re: Fiance in Law School</a>:
[QUOTE]More than anything else, be prepared to be put on the back burner from now until after he sits for the bar exam. I am convinced that the reason DH and I did not break up while I was in law school is because he was a travelling consultant those years and we only saw eachother on weekends - and some weekends I was kicking him out for guy friends time because i neeeded to study or work on something for Moot Court. Also, understand that he won't be at home most of the time. He will be in the library studying or at socials that the school hosts (usually part of a CLE lecture) that will allow him to meet local attorneys.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>I work in PR, and when I used to work PR in NYC, I would regularly not come home until after 10pm, so thankfully I'm used to what it's like to be on that side of things and will completely understand him needing to do that now with law school. On that same note, he remembers how un-fun it was to be the one always waiting for me to get home, so he's going to try to be considerate of that and set aside time that we can spend together. I think the real importance is small doses of quality time vs large doses of just-sitting-on-the-couch-doing-nothing time. (Obviously theoretical, we'll see how it plays out these next three years, haha, but if we could get through my insane crazy job in NYC - I have the best stories! - we can get through anything.)</div><div>
</div><div>And I <em>hope</em> he's in the library studying all the time! He's a genius (like, actually) and has never had to before, but he's going to a great school, and he won't be a big fish in a small pond anymore. He better study! ;)</div>

fizzylemonade · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_fiance-in-law-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:d1560415-727a-4c0b-bcc9-7e1d8dd0b68aPost:2b302546-0182-4fc9-9935-8b49796886be">Re: Fiance in Law School</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance in Law School : And I hope he's in the library studying all the time! He's a genius (like, actually) and has never had to before, but he's going to a great school, and he won't be a big fish in a small pond anymore. He better study! ;)
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

My bf has just finished his 1L year and going into it was very much used to being the big fish. As much as the law school culture and actually having to study was a shock (don't worry, he will, there is so much work it's impossible not to!), what seemed to take him the longest to get used to was not being the big fish. Until after the first semester grades are released, no one knows who is even in the running to be the big fish.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you is stay out of his way! I work full-time, and I'm working towards my degree in the evenings so it was easy to keep myself occupied while he's studying.
Next, make time to be a couple. On day 1, I banned Ramen noodles, and made an effort to make dinner (even if it's just pasta and ragu) every school night. In return, he sits down at the dinner table and we talk over dinner. Sometimes about law, sometimes not. Particularly around finals, it's been the only point in the day we've had a real conversation (though usually law focused).
And expect 'finals' to seem to take months. Midterms were in October, and from the week before midterms until the end of finals, bf was in "Finals mode" (though the last month is another step up). There is so much material to cover.
Bf made friends with the single and frat boys. They would typically go out to bars and clubs every other weekend. We probably joined them every other time. I'm still finding it tough to find friends up here, unfortunately work did not help. Maybe this year...

jdailey1 · August 2012

Hi! I'm going into my 3L year in law school. No matter how busy, even during finals, we always have dinner together and usually we are able to hang out for at least an hour or two before bed to watch tv or have a glass of wine.

As far as friends, it is hard for him to relate to me and my law school friends sometimes-inside law jokes and whatnot. However, he's become friends with my study group's significant others. They have the common bond of having a sig other in law school. I've found that there are way more people in committed relationships than single at my school. I think befriending the girlfriends, wives, and fiances is your best bet!

Also, FI and I met in DC! Love DC! If you have to more somewhere, that's a good place to have to move in my book.

kbdb0806 · September 2012

My fiance just started law school this fall! He is really doing great as it relates to the studying and being social. He typically studies 5-6 hours a day but on Friday nights when he goes out with the other law students he always includes me so I'm able to meet all of the people he is in class with so it helps for me to keep up with the stories he tells me.

We both are from the city that he is in law school at so thankfully I have been able to keep my current job and friends through the transition.

Just be patient, it kinda sucks how much they study and are away but it is a sacrifice for a great reward.

Plan the wedding and do whatever else you need to do to stay out of his way.

Good Luck!

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