Connecticut

Overwhelmed

So the wedding is in 103 days and I'm starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed and like nothing is going right at all. I've had a lot of trouble planning this wedding and more than my fair share of ups and downs. I know its only one day, but the one day starts off the marriage and I just want it to go right. 
To start things off my soon to be mother in law is being extremely pushy about us getting a tent and chairs (our wedding is at Duck Pond in Milford) she's worried about her elderly father being outside in August by the ceremony isn't until 5pm and the sun will be starting to set and I don't think it will be too bad. I'm providing fans and bottled water to all our guest and its only a half an hour. I even said that if it was too much for him that I would buy a great big umbrella that he could use. The tent was an extra 600 dollars that is not within our budget and I have specific instructions from the mayor with regards to setting up for the wedding. It has to be set up no more than 2 hours before the ceremony and taken down directly afterwards so it cost a lot more. When I told her this she said she wasn't sure if her parents would come to the ceremony and I got upset.
Next things to go wrong where the florist tried to take me for an idiot and make me use the most expensive flowers she could think of and they weren't at all what I wanted when she showed me the sample and I told her this and she said that she didn't think that she could do the wedding anymore, because she had a bigger wedding to do anyway. So now I'm out a florist. Our DJ backed out although he was a good friend that one really hurt he told us he didn't believe in our union because I don't like his wife and she wasn't invited to the wedding so we had to find another DJ.
Next was our rings! I have a very unique engagement ring and I hate curved bands and I couldn't find anything else to go with it. We traveled up to Anderson's Jewelers in East Hartford (a 45 minute drive!) and saw the owner named George. When we got there we had to wait 20 minutes because he had left which was ok but the sales lady was really pushy and didn't actually listen to what I want. So George arrives to save the day by drawing up a sketch of a ring to match my engagement  ring and it was perfect and I couldn't wait for it to come in. He told us both of our rings would be in in a week and for the pair would be no more than 1000.00. A month later I call to find out what's going on because I haven't heard anything from them and they lost the order so we told them what we were looking for and he said my finacees ring is a special order because he's got really thin fingers. So that was fine, I wait patiently another 2 months before I call again and they couldn't remember who we were or what we placed as an order it had gotten lost again and they had to call us back...only problem was when they called us back not only did they call us by the wrong names repeatedly he told me my ring alone was now going to be 1800 and my fiancée who's was a standard ring was going to another 400 making it 600 because it was a special size. Needless to say I cancelled the order!
Now the latest drama is one of my bridesmaid told me she couldn't be in the wedding because she doesn't like my maid of honor which is my twin sister and my bridesmaids mother-in-law just so happened to schedule a family vacation leaving the day of my wedding...oh and not to mention that she was my hair dresser and make-up artist!
An while dealing with all of this I've had serious health problems which are finally being fixed (YAY!!!) Working full time and planning the wedding by myself with no help from anyone. Oh and in the midst of all this I forgot to actually find someone to perform the ceremony and I'm scrambling now to find someone and the 6 or so JP's that I've talked to so far all have other weddings or will be out of the state! So any help there would be appreciated always looking for referrals!

Anyone else feeling the pressure of the perfect wedding? What are you wedding day woe?
BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Overwhelmed

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    There's no such thing as a perfect wedding.  It's literally just a day, and should be a fun party.  Not everyone is going to do and say and act as you want them to, and so it's better to set the expectation of a good party to celebrate your marriage.  The wedding does not define or affect your marriage at all.  In fact, the only way it can impact your marriage is if you get super stressed beforehand and put the pressure on the relationship.

    Tell your Mother-in-Law that if she wants a tent, she can make all the arrangements and pay for it.  Otherwise, you won't be having a tent and you hope his grandparents can come.  If not, you understand, they'll be missed, and you'll see them at the reception.

    That sucks about the florist.  Sounds like she was a crappy florist.  I've heard of girls having very good luck with Costco, actually - they said they did a fantastic job at a total budget cost.  Seriously, check it out!

    As far as the DJ goes, you should have invited his wife.  I'd be pretty ticked if you were my friend and had asked me to do you a service (presumably at a discount due to the friendship, I'm assuming) and then snubbed my significant other.  I can't really blame him for being pissed.

    As for the jeweler, you need to get everything in writing up front next time.  Verbal estimates don't count for anything.

    As far as the bridesmaids go, your friend has every right to agree to stand up or not stand up next to you.  It sucks that she's letting a personal disagreement stop her, but I can understand that it would be stressful and she'd probably be more comfortable seated as a guest rather than putting up with someone in the bridal party she doesn't like.  And your other bridesmaid's mother-in-law doesn't have to schedule her life around your wedding - if she planned a family vacation, and the bridesmaid chooses to go, that's her choice. Again, it sucks, but these things happen.  The world doesn't stop because you're planning a wedding.

    And really, the JOP is kind of the main thing - the whole point is to get legally married, right?  You want to do all this so you can end up married to your FI, I assume?  Then you probably should have thought of that a bit earlier.  There are plenty of people who are legally allowed to wed people - see if you can find a judge that would be willing to come out for your day. 

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    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011
    Upon reading your message I got to thinking and I took your advice and I told both my fiancée and his mother that we would not be getting the tent and if she thought that it was still necessary that she would have to provide it. She wasn't thrilled and told me that she'll wait until closer to the day to decided what to do. Fine with me. 
    As for my bridesmaid and her vacation she admitted that she scheduled it during the wedding on purpose she didn't want to go because she was under the assumption that she was the maid of honor and not my twin sister and she was upset. Oh well...guess I'll get over it. 
    Just contacted a Justice of the Peace recommend by a friend and he has agreed to perform our ceremony! Thanks for the motivation to fix the problems instead of just venting about them. But venting helped too!
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Glad a little kick in the butt could help!  Sometimes we need that "pity me" moment, and then sometimes we need someone to say, "Okay, so what are you going to do about it?"

    That's rather bratty of your bridesmaid.  I wouldn't think you'd need friends like that.

    Glad you found a JOP!

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    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011

    I'm really sorry you are going through all this! Reading it now makes me sad :(
    I'm almost at the 100 days mark and I understand your frustrations!  However, your friends and family sound like they are just being awful.  I would suggest that that you not let it get to you and remember why and who you are marrying.  It's just about the 2 of you...all the other "stuff" doesn't really matter.  Don't do the tent and get another florist (I'm buying bulk flowers from Whole Foods and doing it the way I want them to be!)  Also, for a cheap florist, looking into Price Chopper...they are very reasonably priced and nice.

    As for the ring...we bought our rings from Anderson and they were wonderful to work with! Gave us SUCH a good price and law-away plan (with no interest!) but they do seem a bit scatter-brained every time I go in.  I would ask to talk to the elderly man who works there (he is the manger's father I believe and really sweet) and let him know how you've been treated.

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