Assumption of Bridal Shower

Squirt2010 · May 2010

I'm getting married in a little over 3 months and I'm experiencing miscommunications about a bridal shower. All of my girls are all over the place, so their "responsibilities" are to show up at the wedding (at my request, not theirs), have a fantastic time, and I have everything else handled. However, the one thing they have all expressed interest in is a bridal shower....but not hosting/planning. They have asked me to tell my mother to call them if/when she needs any help with it. I was under the assumption that bridal showers SHOULD NOT be hosted by family members. Is this still the case? If so, what is a good way of telling my bridesmaids that no-one is hosting a shower. As I mentioned, they are spread out all over the state (4-5 hours away) and I don't want to give them the responsibility to plan something in another city. Any ideas??

frenchy730 · May 2010

Ettiquite books say it is bad form for showers to be hosted by mothers. It happens all the time though, and personally, I don't see anything wrong with it in today's world. If you know your mom is not planning one tell them that she isn't throwing you one and leave it at that.

It is nice that you are so understanding with your bridesmaids. There should be more brides like that!

MairePoppy · May 2010

Anyone, but the bride, can host a shower. The MOB and/or MOG frequently host the showers for the reasons you stated. The MOH/BM do not live nearby, or they simply can't afford the expense. I would imagine most of them are greatly relieved when mom offers to step in. If you limit your guest list to your closest family members and dearest friends, they will not care who is throwing the party. They will just be happy to celebrate with you.

The next time they ask you about a shower, just tell them you are unaware that any are being planned, if that is the case. If your mom decides to throw one, give her the BM's contact info and then let them take care of the planning.

kkpantzlaff · May 2010

Both my mom and fmil would cry if the whole "family members can't throw a shower" thing is true. As long as you're not throwing your own party, who cares?

Squirt2010 · May 2010

Thank you all for your feedback! I feel much better about allowing my mother to host if she needs to....especially if my BMs can help her. Thank you!!!!!

Muffin'sMom · May 2010

I worked with the girls on the shower. They sent the invites, planned the games, came over and helped set up, and cleaned up. I provided the house, food and drinks. It worked very well.

aprilhaynes · May 2010

I wonder why there is the etiquette regarding MOBs not hosting. When I was my sister's MOH last year, we (my mom and I) had her shower at my mom's house. My mom and I planned it together, and my mother was thrilled to do it. So, ... I don't get that.

Maybe the thinking is that the MOB has enough to do, without putting an additional responsibility on her to host this? Dunno ...

Midgetth · May 2010

My mom is hosting my bridal shower she knew none of my girls could afford to give me one. So she told them to just be guests & chip what money they could into a gift for me instead. My concern with your problem is did your Mom offer to give you the shower or are your girls just assuming that she is? If they are just assuming do NOT ask your mom for one that's rude and let them know that. Just say "My mom did not offer to give me a shower but I'm sure if YOU NEED her you can call her. And if your mom Did offer then relay the message to your mom give her their numbers and let her handle it.

SuMmErKuTiE · May 2010

My bridal shower was just yesterday and it was hosted by my mom and my BM's. Mostly my mom footed the bill but the BM's did all the planning and decorating. It was fabulous! As pp's mentioned, anyone aside from the bride can throw the shower.. whether it's your mom, FMIL, grandma. aunt, friends, MOH, etc... HTH!

Assumption of Bridal Shower

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