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To invite or not to invite

chapel2012chapel2012 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I need some honest opinions on this particular person that I am not sure if I should invite.

This may seem vague and I am sorry for that, but I don't really want to divulge the details. Let's just say that I had a very good friend who got into some very bad things and then in turn commited a very violent crime. She went to jail for a good while and got out completly cleaned up and back to the great person she had been in high school.

The dilema I am faced with is wether I should invite her to our wedding. My family used to adore her, like a daughter, but now they are all very leery of her, and I can't blame them for that. I won't lie I am also still not trusting of her due to the nature of her crime (I will say it was attempted murder so that you understand where I am coming from). My FI has said that he doesn't mind if she comes, and our circle of friends also does not mind, but my real concern is the inevitable stares, whispers, and there will be a lot of people who will avoid her at all costs. I should also mention that the crime was not committed against anyone who will be at the wedding.

I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, including her, and trust me, her being there will make a few people uncomfortable, but on the other hand I don't want her to feel hurt that she wasn't invited. Since she has been out, we have not been close. We talk on Facebook sometimes and she has called once or twice, but our relationship is not the same as it had been and I doubt very much that it ever will be again.

So what would you all do?
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Re: To invite or not to invite

  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments

    TBH, I wouldn't.  Not even for the fact that she is a convicted felon, but just for the simple fact that it doesn't sound like you guys are friends.  I wouldn't be inviting just an occasional person I talk to, to my wedding.

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  • doublenndoublenn member
    100 Comments
    Would you like her to be there? Maybe I missed it, but it was unclear from your post whether you'd like her to be at your wedding.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    If you were closer to her,  I'd say invite her.  But it sounds like the two of you aren't all that close these days, so unless you're having a GIANT wedding and inviting everyone you EVER talk to, I'd skip inviting her and just mention that it'll be a fairly small wedding next time I talked to her.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you are having to question it this much you pretty much have your answer.

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  • chapel2012chapel2012 member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-invite-or-not-to-invite-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5eeb49ee-ad06-46c5-a443-090984b69eccPost:ffcd930b-64af-4bbc-af59-81242c412903">Re: To invite or not to invite</a>:
    [QUOTE]TBH, I wouldn't.  Not even for the fact that she is a convicted felon, but just for the simple fact that it doesn't sound like you guys are friends.  I wouldn't be inviting just an occasional person I talk to, to my wedding.
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is actually the problem that I am having with the decision. She has reached out to me a few times to try and rekindle the friendship and I always love talking with her, but it's that thought in the back of my mind of what she did that stops me from becoming better friends with her.</div><div>
    </div><div>Part of me feels that if I invite her, I can get over that hurdle, but the other part of me doesn't think the wedding is the time to do that.</div>
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I will say, if she spent time in prison for attempted murder, she's probably more than used to the stares, whispers, and avoidance directed her way since she got out of prison, so I wouldn't decide not to invite her just because you're worried she'll be uncomfortable.  That said, it doesn't sound like you're close with her anymore, so you probably shouldn't invite her for that reason, regardless of her prison time.
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  • chapel2012chapel2012 member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_to-invite-or-not-to-invite-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5eeb49ee-ad06-46c5-a443-090984b69eccPost:4dae7366-0e22-4792-ab79-fa9cba469c8d">Re: To invite or not to invite</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you were closer to her,  I'd say invite her.  But it sounds like the two of you aren't all that close these days, so unless you're having a GIANT wedding and inviting everyone you EVER talk to, I'd skip inviting her and just mention that it'll be a fairly small wedding next time I talked to her.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>It is a smaller wedding, only around 150 people. Had it been a large wedding, I probably would have invited her and just lets her blend into the background. With the guest list we have, almost half of those invited know her and know exactly what she did. </div>
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