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Oh, the family issues...

Karebear852k3Karebear852k3
1000 Comments
in Connecticut
Okay, so my family situation is seriously messed up lol and weddings have the special way of bringing all that to the forefront lol....

I was always close with my cousins (on my mom's side, her only sister, my aunt's kids) and my aunt and uncle when I was younger, going to her house/grandmother's house for holidays/Sunday dinners etc..  Because of financial problems (leading to not having a car to get there regularly) and my grandmother dying, lead to some sort of big fight with my mom/aunt, and we all lost touch (I was young so I don't remember the details).

Thanks to Facebook, I've gotten back in touch with my cousins/Aunt & Uncle and we're on pretty decent terms.  Because of everything in the past I didn't go to any of my cousins' weddings (one got married while we were way out of touch, one shortly after getting back in touch, so she'd already had the plans/invites etc.)...I haven't gotten to see any of them yet (a little nervous!!!), but I think I would like to invite them to my wedding since I don't have much in the way of family...

What do you guys think?  Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
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Re: Oh, the family issues...

  • ZoeTheDogZoeTheDog
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is going to sound cruel, but who is paying for your wedding?  You & FI?  Or a combination of parents?  Or just your parents? 
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  • starrbuk13starrbuk13 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think inviting them is a bad idea at all.  They're family.  Does your mom know you're in touch with them again?  The only thing I can think of is that it might hurt your mom to have them there if she is still on the outs with them, but talk to her and see what she thinks.  

    Overall, I'd say an invite could not hurt.  If they don't feel comfortable coming, they'll decline.  But I think it's safer to invite them and let them decline than not to invite them and risk insulting them...especially if you're still on shaky grounds with them.

    hth!
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  • Karebear852k3Karebear852k3
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Zoe, I should have mentioned that.  FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, not our parents.

    Starrbuk, Mom does know I'm back in touch with them.  I think she's tried recently (like when I graduated college 2 years ago) to be in touch with them, but I'm not sure if it was reciprocated...and I think you're right...if they're uncomfortable, they'll decline.  Should I talk to them about it beforehand?
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  • jenandcrisjenandcris member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just invite them anyway as well. Family is family- no matter what! Especially since you're paying for the whole shebang yourselves, it's your call.
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  • ZoeTheDogZoeTheDog
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_oh-family-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:fc04fb69-8e84-41d7-85ff-b58e0605e52dPost:2baaee7e-d4fd-4f40-bf00-6e20209ba001">Re: Oh, the family issues...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Zoe, I should have mentioned that.  FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, not our parents. Starrbuk, Mom does know I'm back in touch with them.  I think she's tried recently (like when I graduated college 2 years ago) to be in touch with them, but I'm not sure if it was reciprocated...and I think you're right...if they're uncomfortable, they'll decline.  Should I talk to them about it beforehand?
    Posted by Karebear852k3[/QUOTE]

    If you are paying, you get to invite whomever you want. 

    Should you warn your mother?  Yeah proabably, that would be the right thing to do.  And be up front with them about it too. 
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  • GracefulMeadow86GracefulMeadow86
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i can completely understand your worries here-  i had almost the same exact thing happen with my cousins/aunt when my grandfather died. i reconnected with my cousins and aunt on facebook and even though my parents have not done so really, im inviting them to the wedding.

    like pp said, they are still family, and this coudl be a great opportunity to get back into the swing of actually BEING a family - together! or your parents could end up beign cranky but who cares- its YOUR wedding.

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  • jmestylejmestyle member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would invite them and it would be a nice way to put an end to everything from the past.
    I love FB for stuff like this :)
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_oh-family-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:fc04fb69-8e84-41d7-85ff-b58e0605e52dPost:5d2373a5-2492-494b-8473-70814ee604c7">Re: Oh, the family issues...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would just invite them anyway as well. Family is family- no matter what! Especially since you're paying for the whole shebang yourselves, it's your call.
    Posted by jenandcris[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this exactly!
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  • christikaochristikao
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Agree with the other girls. Invite them. However, you should let your mom know and if she's uncomfortable then seat your cousins/aunt at another table.

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  • tashala107tashala107
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in a similar position, and I agree with the other girls.  My father doesn't speak to much of his side of the family but I told dad I intend on inviting them, because they are family and I feel its the right thing to do. If they decide to come, great, if not I suppose the family wars continue haha GL!

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