We eloped, what to include in a reception?

zitiqueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:7ef6e782-a069-43f2-a3d3-e865c5b7c0cb">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception? : I mail out formal invitations for every major party I throw so that people can save the date and RSVP. I don't think this should be any different.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking mommy wants printed wedding-type invitations with an RSVP card and tissue paper instead of fill-in-the-blank invitations that come in packs of ten from the local Hallmark. I could be wrong.

saisongbird · November 2010

This is silly. Your mom is trying to make your simple little party into the big reception she didn't get to see her daughter have.

- Simple invites, pre-packaged from hallmark or bought from Vistaprint? Ok. Formally printed invited with tissue paper and letterpress printing? Nope.

- DJ or iPod playing in the background? Ok.

- Video montage? Borderline. I hate those at weddings to begin with.

- Centerpieces? Maybe. If they're ridiculously simple, like a flower or a jar or a candle.

- Wedding cake? Fantastic.

- Decor? Simple pictures in frames or some small decorations on the wall are fine. That's it.

- Favors? No way.

- Traditional "wedding" things - first dances, cake cutting, bouquet tossing - No way. You gave those up when you eloped.

- Vows? NO WAY. You had a wedding. There's no need to have a vow renewal this close to your wedding.

We make choices in life - you need to make your mother respect the ones you and your husband made, and that includes not having the traditional pieces to a wedding.

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:6711067f-731a-424e-9710-6b81e1a21a2c">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate the photo montage idea. As a guest, my unvoiced response would be "okay...so I couldn't see it live, but now I have to sit through a 25 minute slide show which you've set to some crappy Air Supply song? Rad." If you're looking to satisfy your parent's wishes by having a celebration which in no way makes you the center of attention or doubles as a reception, I think leaving out the montage is step one. If there are wedding photos you'd like to share, bring the album and allow it to be passed to the interested parties. There's not a soul in the history of ever who has enjoyed being forced to watch someone else's slide show.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I think I love you

dco324 · November 2010

I'm a little confused as everyone else is...do you want this to be a reception or do you want this just to be dinner with your families together?

I went to a "wedding" this summer, the couple had married privately several months prior and the guests knew. The wedding was a chance for them to celebrate with the family and they basically had the whole wedding and "renewed" their vows and did a whole ceremony and reception. It was nice because family and friends were able to feel a part of the beginning of their marriage, but they also had the private wedding first. I can say as a guest I didn't feel cheated on anything, but I probably wouldn't have traveled the distance for just a dinner.

If you want to do a "mini wedding" then do it but include a vow renewal of sorts. If you want a dinner to bring your families together than have a dinner together and skip the wedding traditions. This is really something where you can't have your cake and eat it too. You need to pick what you want and do it. It's either an informal dinner or it's a wedding.

JanoBean75 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:7d3e00d4-30eb-4d38-9b67-cdbdcbfc52b0">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception? : I'm thinking mommy wants printed wedding-type invitations with an RSVP card and tissue paper instead of fill-in-the-blank invitations that come in packs of ten from the local Hallmark. I could be wrong.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Mom probably does want that, but the term "formal invitation" doesn't exactly mean what it sounds like in the invitation world. It just means instead of an email or a "hey, we're doing this thing" you send an actual invitation, that is, you're formally inviting people instead of just emailing, talking, or texting.

OP can do any fun invitation -- fill-in is the most casual, but there are a ton of imprintable invitations out there. She can choose a nice one, print it herself and Mom should be satisfied. Just don't go to Hallmark. Their stuff is crap.

kellya01 · November 2010

I would suggest thinking of this as a "big family dinner" that your folks (or you?) are providing at a local sports bar. Sure, music would be great! And since it's in celebration of a recent wedding, I think a cake is totally appropriate. However.... no toasts, no "first dances" no flower toss / garter toss, etc.

For my family, when we do a "big family dinner" we either send invites by email, phone call, and in extreme circumstances, a nice folded card like something you can get in the party invitations section at your local craft store. Usually RSVP would be by return phone call, email, or personal conversation.

If mom and dad want this big celebration, they can go through the stress of planning it. If you want to help to plan it, you certainly can, but don't feel like you have to.

Again... if you think "big family dinner" as opposed to "wedding reception," you may find your ideas will clear up and allow you to have the celebration you would rather have, as you stated that you don't enjoy being the center of attention.

Best of luck with your plans!

singingjessi14 · November 2010

I think what you're planning is great as long as you can hold your mom back with the centerpieces. I'm not sure

I wouldn't repeat the vows. If you were doing something more formal I could see this, but not in a sports bar.

A slideshow playing in the background sounds nice to me so no one feels forced to watch, but also has the option to if they want.

I tend to agree that if you're families are the ones wanting this reception they should be involved in the planning and finacial aspect.

hwoychowski · November 2010

Wow - First off I have been surprised at how much posters attack the OP. It is enough to make a newbie be afraid to post anything. I thought this is supposed to be helpfull.....

Yes, she eloped because thats what she wanted. And now she wants her family to be inculded in the union that she has begun by celebrating it with her and her new husband. What is the big friggin deal???? What about people that have a smaller destination wedding then do a small reception "back home"? The comments that "it's done - move on" (basically) are uncalled for. It sounds like the OP is not much a formal or traditional person. And it sounds like the reception would be staying on track with that.

Drinks, Dinner, Dancing, Cake, A good time with family and close friends - Perfect!

MrsMartinez1622 · November 2010

I don't know what kind of wedding most of you are planning, but a casual party with no dress, no centerpieces, no tuxes, etc doesn't sound at all to me like planning a wedding. Second of all, who are any of you people to judge someone for what they want to do? If they want to have a reception like party for their family that's their business, and asking for input on thoughts as to ideas to make it more appropriate is certainly not opening a door to be attacked. She said she didn't want it to seem like a full on reception, so it seems to me like you all just want to be negative, judgemental, and rude by telling her something she already said. I don't know if all the brides of the world got PMS at the same time or if the Bridezilla bug took over, but its incredibly annoying for those of us that are on here to get ideas for our upcoming weddings and not to engage in middle school style drama.

If I were you, I'd do just like you said. I'd send out invites and have a cake, but keep it casual. I would also do photos, but I would make a photo book or something that people can pass around if they want to so it isn't made into some kind of show. It is a big event in both of your lives and your family would love to see photos that show how happy the two of you were that day and allow them to feel like its important to you to include them in your lives, even if you weren't thrilled at the idea of expressing your love in front of 100 people. Lots of people do things like this. I have a friend that got eloped because they were ready to be married and he was being shipped off. Six months later they renewed their vows in a full on huge formal wedding in order to have their family and friends involved and have an experience they missed out on the first time around. If you want to have a small celebration with your family, then do that. If you want to put on a $1000 wedding dress and rent out a ballroom in a hotel, then do it. Its about you and the way you want to celebrate. There is nothing tacky about having a celebration party, regardless of what less than classy people have to say.

lindsaynewbride10 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:5d657a5d-ef94-446f-aa11-3bf08ccb9f1f">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - First off I have been surprised at how much posters attack the OP. It is enough to make a newbie be afraid to post anything. I thought this is supposed to be helpfull..... Yes, she eloped because thats what she wanted . And now she wants her family to be inculded in the union that she has begun by celebrating it with her and her new husband. What is the big friggin deal???? What about people that have a smaller destination wedding then do a small reception "back home"? The comments that "it's done - move on" (basically) are uncalled for. It sounds like the OP is not much a formal or traditional person. And it sounds like the reception would be staying on track with that. Drinks, Dinner, Dancing, Cake, A good time with family and close friends - Perfect!
Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

Rosie109 · November 2010

Well I mean she is already married. So it is done.

julbgordo · November 2010

Just a suggestion for the OP (not sure if anyone else mentioned this - I honestly didn't read through every post) but you mentioned the one thing you missed most about eloping was missing out on photo opportunities. Maybe you could consider hiring a photographer to take pictures for an hour or two at this party. Then you will get nice pictures with your family celebrating your marriage. Afterwards, you could make copies for your family members and this will be a nice way to include them in your married life. Good luck on the planning and congrats on the marriage

alehayes · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:e62c30e6-5595-4351-8c70-62832ab1afe2">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm the minority here, but what you sound like you want to do doesn't sound any different than a big birthday party or something (aside from the re-reading of the vows and the picture montage). I think what you have planned is perfectly fine. Do not give in on your mom to the centerpieces, decorations and favors though. And you don't have to have dancing, background music is fine. If someone came on here and said they were planning a big birthday/halloween/Christmas/Veteran's Day party, and were going to have it at a sports bar, with dinner and drinks, some cake, and were going to send invites out, nobody would bat an eye. I don't know what it is about vow renewals that causes people to short-circuit and think they need to be as low key as humanly possible.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I think Nuggs nailed it on the head.

superheroprincess · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:1dc2cc90-9848-4299-90d5-64b260da83f6">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't know what kind of wedding most of you are planning, but a casual party with no dress, no centerpieces, no tuxes, etc doesn't sound at all to me like planning a wedding. Second of all, who are any of you people to judge someone for what they want to do? If they want to have a reception like party for their family that's their business, and asking for input on thoughts as to ideas to make it more appropriate is certainly not opening a door to be attacked. She said she didn't want it to seem like a full on reception, so it seems to me like you all just want to be negative, judgemental, and rude by telling her something she already said. I don't know if all the brides of the world got PMS at the same time or if the Bridezilla bug took over, but its incredibly annoying for those of us that are on here to get ideas for our upcoming weddings and not to engage in middle school style drama.Posted by MrsMartinez1622[/QUOTE]

Anyone who posts a question on here is opening themselves up to advice. Who are we to judge? We're the people she's asking for advice so we have every right to "judge".
Nobody is being negative, judgemental or rude, we're all just giving our thoughts and ideas (like she asked for).

A friend of mine got married in Cuba, she had a backyard potluck afterwards to celebrate with those who couldn't afford to come. It was BYOB, potluck style (only close relatives who offered brought something), they had a slideshow playing in the house for those wanting to see it, a photo album, small guestbook, cake... it was very informal with no toasts, a horseshoe tournament, campfire at night, Cuban music in the background... people brought gifts but didn't do a "gift opening" there, they opened them alone after everyone left.

IMHO I wouldn't do vows, waaay too much. If you want, print them up on nice paper and display it on a table with a photo album. So if they chose to read them they can. You never know what might offend someone so I would keep it light and fun. Darts or pool or something.

If what you miss most is having pictures of your wedding, there's nothing stopping you from having a wedding photoshoot after the event. Now with the Trash the Dress many couples get dressed up again and take shots after the wedding. I would highly recommend doing that before the party and displaying them in an album. You can probably get a newbie photog to do it for cheap!

hwoychowski · November 2010

People who are posting here for ideas are looking for just that. If you don't have a genuine idea but only have negative comments to say think twice about posting. And sharing ideas ARE differenting then being judgemental and condescending.... Last time I checked this was the ETIQUETTE board. There are a few posters in here that are in need of etiquette training. Weddings are a fun and enjoyable (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience. Don't squash someone's idea just because it differs from yours.

Bubbalub · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:4ed9f0b6-1f0f-4749-bd72-85582d52e3eb">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]People who are posting here for ideas are looking for just that. If you don't have a genuine idea but only have negative comments to say think twice about posting. And sharing ideas ARE differenting then being judgemental and condescending.... Last time I checked this was the ETIQUETTE board. There are a few posters in here that are in need of etiquette training. Weddings are a fun and enjoyable (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience. Don't squash someone's idea just because it differs from yours.
Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

Who are you, the message board police? You have no control over what other posters write. If you post a question on an etiquette board about a point of etiquette, (i.e. hosting a reception after eloping) then expect to get blunt answers about what is considered acceptable.

All the posters had "genuine idea[s]". Calm down.

Rosie109 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:4ed9f0b6-1f0f-4749-bd72-85582d52e3eb">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]People who are posting here for ideas are looking for just that. If you don't have a genuine idea but only have negative comments to say think twice about posting. And sharing ideas ARE differenting then being judgemental and condescending.... Last time I checked this was the ETIQUETTE board. There are a few posters in here that are in need of etiquette training. Weddings are a fun and enjoyable (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience. Don't squash someone's idea just because it differs from yours.
Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

<div>yeeeeeep</div>

chocoholic4life · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:039e84d4-ad00-4752-b57b-5cd0dd1906ac">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I mean she is already married. So it is done.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
This celebration is about her marriage, not just a one-day wedding. It is certainly not finished, and if she wants to have this party with her family, then that is her prerogative.

OP, if you want to keep this as low key as possible while allowing your family to feel involved, I would go with food, drinks, cake and some pictures. You can have a slide show playing in the background, or pass around a book of pictures. I really like the idea of having a photo shoot before the party, so maybe you could include some of those pictures as well. If your family is not big on dancing, skip it, but do have some music playing in the background. Invites are a good idea too, so that you can get a rough head count. Stay away from the formal aspects, and your party will rock!

Sounds like you might want to have a talk with your mom, so that she doesn't feel slighted about you wanting a low key party instead of the big formal wedding that she seems to want for you.

hwoychowski · November 2010

I am not the message board police. I am speaking up for the people that get literally mowed down on this board. Everone has OPINIONS, no ones opinion over rides anyone else's. And if this OP wants to do another wedding/reception then she is looking for opinions on WHAT to do not IF she should have it. Of course I have no control over what other people write but maybe some people shoud be a little more helpful and less negative.

We eloped, what to include in a reception?

Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards