My wedding is less than a month away. Every time I think about that, I want to throw up. Not because I'm disgusted by the idea, but because there's been such a build up. We got engaged last July, and after just over a year of planning, and very few things left to do, I feel nervous. There has to be something I'm missing. I'm having constant wedding nightmares about forgetting something or insulting someone with my poor etiquette. Forgetting something for our wedding would be a catastrophe, since we're having our wedding two hours away and people can't just scoot back to my house and pick up my forgotten hair comb or something.
I feel like I'm vibrating all over. It's been such a hard time these last few months. Not because we left things to the last minute (these last few months have seriously just been littlle DIY projects and invites, nothing too stressful), but for a totally different reason. My MIL passed away last Sunday from a very brief, violent battle with her fourth bout of cancer. And as we're planning our last minute wedding details, there are details that we're getting rid of. Like, we were going to have a slideshow, but decided against it because, while we will pay tribute to MIL with a hymn and having her and FFIL's wedding photo in the entrance to the church, we want to avoid turning this into a "second memorial service" (my BM's words). FI will miss out on his Mother/Son dance, while I get my Father/Daughter (I tried to ask if we could 86 this as well, but my father looked crushed). My parents will deliver a speech, but FFIL will be delivering his parent speech alone (he's insisted he's fine with this). I know there will be lots of "Oh, if only MIL could be here to see this!", and I'm preparing myself for that, but I know if I get that from people too many times, I'll fall apart.
I think I need to take up meditation, or else I'm going to have a nervous breakdown before my wedding.