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Not sure if this post belongs here.

kne3003kne3003
10 Comments
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My fiance and I have our wedding planned for 9/16/11 but have started to think we want to get married earlier, like within a month. We still want to have our big wedding next September, but want to have a small intimate ceremony with just immediate family. Is that wrong? We do not live together because it goes against what we believe and if we get married i can get rid of my place and save so much more money and put that towards the big wedding next year. We love each other and do not want to wait. Should we go ahead and do it?

Please leave your thoughts. Thank you!
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Re: Not sure if this post belongs here.

  • snwilson0416snwilson0416 member
    100 Comments
    If you get married in a small intimate ceremony in a month, then that is your wedding. Anything after that is just a big party or a vow renewal. You say you don't want to wait, and that's fine, but the consequence of that would be you do not get your big wedding.
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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    1000 Comments
    I love my FI and we waited just fine.  I'm always confused on what the rush is.  Is there a reason you absolutely need to get married in the next month?  

    I think that if you decide that you're wedding cannot wait, you forgo the big ceremony and party with family and friends.  That's your choice.  

    And if you're not living together for religious reasons (particularly if you're Christian) please go read the book of Job.  
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  • Pirata13Pirata13
    2500 Comments
    PPs are correct. One wedding. So either small and intimate now or with everyone next year. Trust me, it will come fast. And FI & I also kept separate apartments until a few months before our wedding. We only got a place before because both our leases were up. Fortunately we found a place. But if what you want is the big family & friends wedding, wait and do it then. Otherwise you run the risk of two things--being upset you didn't have your dream wedding or pi$$ing a lot of people off by inviting them to your 2nd ceremony when you have already been married for almost a year.
    Crosswalk
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:5c60bac9-9f5d-4ac0-a996-b7decda2e689Post:3f30719d-724e-4568-968b-77331fdf2f61">Not sure if this post belongs here.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I have our wedding planned for 9/16/11 but have started to think we want to get married earlier, like within a month. <strong>We still want to have our big wedding next September, but want to have a small intimate ceremony with just immediate family. Is that wrong?</strong> We do not live together because it goes against what we believe and if we get married i can get rid of my place and save so much more money and put that towards the big wedding next year. We love each other and do not want to wait. Should we go ahead and do it? Please leave your thoughts. Thank you!
    Posted by kne3003[/QUOTE]

    Yes that is very wrong. You get one wedding.

    You can throw a party next year, but it is not a wedding. Any traditional wedding things (like first dance, garter toss, etc.) are inappropriate at the large party. Also, you give up a bridal shower and other pre-wedding parties. (You can do them before your real wedding, but only invite those invited to the real wedding.)

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Being an adult means making choices, accepting the consequences, and understanding that sometimes you can't have it both ways.  So basically, you need to decide whether it's more important to be able to move in together or to have the big party.

    Though, FWIW, I have heard of couples cohabiting and not having sex.  I certainly wouldn't want to do it and it's probably very difficult to pull off, but it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility.

    And also, FWIW, DH and I both have lots of friends who rushed into marriage for the sole purpose of morally-sanctioned sex.  Most of them are either divorced or on the skids by now.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • DanielleZZDanielleZZ member
    500 Comments
    I think its fine IMHO if thats what you both want than do it!  I have though about doing this but that is because I always wanted a private wedding but FI and my family wanted big so they won.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker Anniversary
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:5c60bac9-9f5d-4ac0-a996-b7decda2e689Post:530ccb27-5576-4d8d-8cd0-094307586846">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love my FI and we waited just fine.  I'm always confused on what the rush is.  <strong>Is there a reason you absolutely need to get married in the next month?</strong>   I think that if you decide that you're wedding cannot wait, you forgo the big ceremony and party with family and friends.  That's your choice.   And if you're not living together for religious reasons (particularly if you're Christian) please go read the book of Job.  
    Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

    They want to have the S-E-X.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:5c60bac9-9f5d-4ac0-a996-b7decda2e689Post:04741478-5dc1-49d7-922a-b419e59f687a">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Being an adult means making choices, accepting the consequences, and understanding that sometimes you can't have it both ways.  So basically, you need to decide whether it's more important to be able to move in together or to have the big party. Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Couldn't have said it better myself. Marriage is for grown ups, and grown ups have to understand that things aren't always going to go 100% your way. You're going to have to deal with frustration and disappointment just like everybody else. Only you can decide if a traditional wedding is more important to you than living together right now... but you don't get to get married "on paper" now to justify cohabitation and having sex, but then put on a white dress in a year and act like the JOP never happened.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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