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Difficult Mother of the Groom

clmchughclmchugh
in Wedding Woes
My future Mother in law has been driving me up the wall. We are having a more informal wedding and have tried to convey that to her but she went out and bough a RED satin ball gown for the wedding. No one is wearing satin. The bridesmaids are in silk taffeta as is my mother. Red was my accent color of the day. I had picked out an all red bouquet and red accents. She bought the dress without telling anyone which made me furious and now she is arguing about how she wants to have her hair done. I had wanted to be the only one with an up-do but she is being insistent on putting her hair up as well. When we tell her we tell her we don't think that she'll fit in she gets all offended.

She invited double the amount of people we wanted her to and is pouting about the fact that her brothers are not invited to the rehearsal dinner. For budget reasons we are keeping the rehearsal dinner to only the immediate bridal party.

How can I not get angry about her and not take it out on my fiance. I feel like she is ruining my wedding because she wishes it were one of her daughters...
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Re: Difficult Mother of the Groom

  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just remember: She'll be the one who looks like an idiot.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You can be angry with her, but like Myrtle said she's the one that will look like an idiot.  Why would you take it out on the FI though?
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_difficult-mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a19ee72f-531f-4b9d-af70-333d89701a18Post:86c95c52-9092-47c8-beef-77d06bb2e1a0">Difficult Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future Mother in law has been driving me up the wall. We are having a more informal wedding and have tried to convey that to her but she went out and bough a RED satin ball gown for the wedding. No one is wearing satin. The bridesmaids are in silk taffeta as is my mother. Red was my accent color of the day. I had picked out an all red bouquet and red accents. She bought the dress without telling anyone which made me furious and now she is arguing about how she wants to have her hair done. I had wanted to be the only one with an up-do but she is being insistent on putting her hair up as well. When we tell her we tell her we don't think that she'll fit in she gets all offended. She invited double the amount of people we wanted her to and is pouting about the fact that her brothers are not invited to the rehearsal dinner. For budget reasons we are keeping the rehearsal dinner to only the immediate bridal party. How can I not get angry about her and not take it out on my fiance. I feel like she is ruining my wedding because she wishes it were one of her daughters...
    Posted by clmchugh[/QUOTE]

    <div>your fMIL is a grown woman and can wear whatever the hell she wants. ditto her hair. </div><div>
    </div><div>whoever pays for the rehearsal dinner/wedding gets to determine the guest list. if you are paying 100% you decide, if FMIL is paying, then she gets to decide. </div><div>
    </div><div>you need to chill out and stop making assumptions. </div><div>
    </div>
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Let her look like a fool, and be sure to take pictures for us.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Really? She'll look like an idiot in a red satin dress? I think the ones in taffeta are going to look like idiots. Who in their right mind would choose to wear a dress of that material?

    OP, you're a brat. Just because your FMIL has more fashion sense than you do does not mean you can take your anger out on your FI.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You know that cliche dream about showing up to school in your underwear or naked? That will be FMIL on the wedding day. Everyone else will be dressed for the wedding and she'll be dressed for the pretty princess party at Disney Mansion.

    As for the number of guests - who is paying? Is she paying? Are you / your parents paying? If you or your parents are paying cut her off. Actually, your fiance needs to step up and tell his mother to calm down and stop trying to turn HIS wedding into HER event.
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  • Sloane99Sloane99 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_difficult-mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a19ee72f-531f-4b9d-af70-333d89701a18Post:86c95c52-9092-47c8-beef-77d06bb2e1a0">Difficult Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE] I had wanted to be the only one with an up-do but she is being insistent on putting her hair up as well. Posted by clmchugh[/QUOTE]

    I bet you're not the only one there with an updo of some sort
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    No one else is allowed to wear their hair up??  Will guests be searched at the door for hidden bobby pins?  You should really go ahead and print that in the invite so that people can be prepared.  It usually goes right below the minimum dollar value of gifts required per person for entrance to the festivites.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i was going to be insulted Duckis and then I realized that's not the fabric of my gown.


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ded @ zsa.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I am insulted - my gown was taffeta. But I know, I'm the only person in the world who likes it. 

    I just didn't get the formality difference between silk taffeta (which is frickin' expensive - like, upwards of $30/yard) and satin. Or, you know, why a grown woman cares what other grown women wear to her wedding, let alone how they do their hair. 

    Point. You missed it. 
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  • LauriacLauriac
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My bridesmaids actually picked taffeta for their dresses. I was partial to satin or silk/satin. Now they're freaking out that they'll be "too noisy". I find their freakouts amusing.

    FTR, FMIL is wearing a black dress to my wedding, which I think people would find way more objectionable than red. My mother's dress/hair/makeup is costing way more than mine because she's a prima donna. Her ensemble will be ridiculously over the top. MOH is wearing her hair exactly how I'm wearing mine, possibly even with the sparkly headband. None of these things bother me.

    Get over it. Everyone will know you're the bride. If your FMIL is ridiculous, they'll just laugh at her.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Does it make you feel better my Mom is wearing a tunic and slacks to my wedding? Oh, and she'll have her walking stick.
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  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It doesn't matter what your FMIL will be wearing.  Walk it off.  Let her get her hair done, and wear what she'd like - she's there watching her son get married to you. 

    Keep yourself in the calm, and be at peace!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    They will be too noisy, Lauriac. They will. They will also look flammable.

    But I'm sure they'll be lovely. I do think some taffetta is pretty, it just seems so uncomfortable that I would never wear it.
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  • lisarose7lisarose7
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    At least she's not wearing white....or all black with a widow's veil.

    Oh, and what made you think not a single person would show up with an up-do besides you?  Did you include hairstyle guidelines in your invitations?  Is someone going to be assigned the task of asking anyone arriving with an up-do to let their hair down before they're allowed in?  Maybe that person will have clippers and will shave the heads of all non-compliant guests...
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    Stop The Drama!

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  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For fvck's sake, why do you think you get to tell her how to wear her hair?!?!?!
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  • lpuffs88lpuffs88 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just don't understand why you care, or why anyone would care, what anyone else wears? Can't you just be happy that your FMIL is supporting your special day by not just showing up, but by showing up looking as great as she can?
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  • juddyyjuddyy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_difficult-mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a19ee72f-531f-4b9d-af70-333d89701a18Post:86c95c52-9092-47c8-beef-77d06bb2e1a0">Difficult Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future Mother in law has been driving me up the wall. We are having a more informal wedding and have tried to convey that to her but she went out and bough a RED satin ball gown for the wedding. No one is wearing satin. The bridesmaids are in silk taffeta as is my mother. Red was my accent color of the day. I had picked out an all red bouquet and red accents. She bought the dress without telling anyone which made me furious and now she is arguing about how she wants to have her hair done. I had wanted to be the only one with an up-do but she is being insistent on putting her hair up as well. When we tell her we tell her we don't think that she'll fit in she gets all offended. She invited double the amount of people we wanted her to and is pouting about the fact that her brothers are not invited to the rehearsal dinner. For budget reasons we are keeping the rehearsal dinner to only the immediate bridal party. How can I not get angry about her and not take it out on my fiance. I feel like she is ruining my wedding because she wishes it were one of her daughters...
    Posted by clmchugh[/QUOTE] dearie,we ALL of us on this post have a FMIL situation  and ALL of us deal with it and got on with our lives,maybe YOU need to learn to GET OVER IT!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
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  • juddyyjuddyy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_difficult-mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a19ee72f-531f-4b9d-af70-333d89701a18Post:ca8b71c1-aef3-4918-acb1-d8e0f4cef23f">Re: Difficult Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really? She'll look like an idiot in a red satin dress? I think the ones in taffeta are going to look like idiots. Who in their right mind would choose to wear a dress of that material? OP, you're a brat. Just because your FMIL has more fashion sense than you do does not mean you can take your anger out on your FI.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE] she's not only a brat,but a whiny BITCH!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
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  • juddyyjuddyy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_difficult-mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a19ee72f-531f-4b9d-af70-333d89701a18Post:ca8b71c1-aef3-4918-acb1-d8e0f4cef23f">Re: Difficult Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really? She'll look like an idiot in a red satin dress? I think the ones in taffeta are going to look like idiots. Who in their right mind would choose to wear a dress of that material? OP, you're a brat. Just because your FMIL has more fashion sense than you do does not mean you can take your anger out on your FI.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE] she's not only a brat, but a whiny BRAT!
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